I feel like I’m doing nothing but complaining.
I’m sorry for that…
But I’m in a phase of the moon where I can’t get anything done.
Here, the universal symbol for NO.
I’m busy. I’m a sort of single mom.
I say ‘sort of’ because my kids do have another parent that is with them
several nights of the week and I get time alone.
But generally I’m exhausted from doing everything for 3 kids
and the house and the dog and so I fall into a heap.
It isn’t like I’m out enjoying myself.
Also, I have to do all of my clinical notes when I don’t have kids
so usually I work very late.
He does absolutely nothing really to help the bottom line around here.
I take care of all kid matters, appointments, homework and everything that relates
to them and even to the dog.
He enjoys the fruits of my labor when he comes in for nest duty.
When he has kids, Jumping Bean doesn’t get her ADHD meds and homework goes undone.
Often times they sleep through carpool.
Basically Stanley sucks Wally.
(He sucks Wally hard.. Like Wally knows he’s been sucked.)
I’m getting really irritated.
Plus, I can’t get anything completed.
I need some things marked off my To Do List.
I took the kids for flu shots on Saturday. We went to 3 places, no shots.
I’m going to try again after school today.
I had a repeat Ultrasound scheduled for this morning on my nodes from
my scare 3 months ago. The Ultrasound girl is in the hospital.
I have to go back later in the week, for real.
(Could have used a call about that so I didn’t get up and
go for my appointment this morning. WTf?)
My temporary crown fell off over the weekend.
I have to go back to the dentist today to get it put back on.
I keep cleaning the pool so that Stanley can close it.
I clean it and he doesn’t close it.
Then we get monsoon like weather and it’s dirty again.
I clean it and again he doesn’t close it.
I’m starting to have dreams of kicking him until he’s dead.
Sometimes I wish he would just GO.
GO. And let me do it since I’m doing it anyway.
I get jealous because his life seems to have improved and
be a huge big party since we got divorced.
He lives with his girlfriend and he has his huge homebrew hobby
that he spends every other waking minute on, some even when he is with kids.
While I was doing flu shots (NOT) and taking the dog to the groomer
and cleaning the pool for him to not close it and the Easy Bake Oven
for Merlot and her friend who slept over, and laundry and supervising
Algebra and papers that are due on Dictators this weekend,
Stanley was celebrating National Homebrew Day out of town
judging a beer competition.
I came in after my not ultrasound appointment
to find his big pile of dirty dishes.
I’m hating him today.
I have to reframe all of this negativity somehow.
It’s probably going to consist of booze and Xanax.
Sometimes being a sort of single parent blows.
And it has consistantly blown for 4-5 days.
This shit needs to blow the other direction now.
I’ve been sitting here thinking for several minutes and the only
silver lining I can think of is that I don’t have to sleep with him anymore.
So there you go. Reframing in progress