STANLEY, STANLEY, STANLEY…
I wanted to update you all after our bumps last week. He did really well with the house during my 2 nights out on Wed and Thurs. I did get an email on Thurs night from Jumping Bean telling me that daddy was making her clean up because he was afraid he was going to get in trouble. I have been trying to determine my best course of action here. On the one hand, I feel the need to praise him and give him positive reinforcement, much like you do a dog.
“Big Boy!! What a good boy for peeing outside!”
On the other hand, I don’t want to say a word because this behavior isn’t optional. It is what is expected from an adult and also specified in the court order. We are supposed to leave the nest in the condition we found it.
|this is a ‘no’ behavior Stanley|
When I first started writing here a month ago, a mere 2 days after my divorce was final, I wanted to put a time ticker on the side like “It has been 18 hours since my last breakdown“. Well now I want to put one up that has how long Stanley has been compliant with nest rules.I got a really great note from one of my best friends after my Open Marriage post, regarding my realization that I still am the ‘wife’ and do a ton around here and with the kids to have it ready for him to take over. She said that it isn’t because of a continued ‘wife’ syndrome, but that do it for the kids. She is exactly right. I try to have most of the homework done because I worry that he is mean and inpatient with them. The easier his night is, the less likely he is to scream and yell at them. As she said,
“why should I let him tear down what I have spent all week building up?”
Of course the flip side of this is that his bad behavior gets him off the hook for a whole lot of responsibilities. Throughout our marriage, I found myself progressively taking on more rather than dealing with him frustrated and irritable with me or the kids. A tantruming beer monkey is not a pretty sight.
So, he is rewarded for his bad behavior. I hate doing that.
As my friend MB says, “his mother ruined him. He has low character. She didn’t raise him well.”
Love that MB! Damn, I would hate someone to say that about me! That is like saying you were a failure in life. Mom and Aunt Mae would crumble into their sweet tea.
She is right though. It is all that bitch’s fault!