Boys

I am raising a boy.  

At times this past week I have been at wits end

(okay not a far trip)

He is 13 years old and I don’t feel like I know him well anymore.  It hurts my feelings.  As a baby he was so easy.   Even family members would ask me if he ever cried he was so good natured. 

He loved Barney.  At 18 months, we walked into FAO Schwartz in NYC and he immediately saw a toy Barney, screamed in delight, “Bar Bar” and that Bar Bar is still in his room.   Admittedly now, it is in his closet, but he wouldn’t let me get rid of it last year. 

To be honest, he is still often good natured.  But sometimes now he is quiet and sullen.  Also he is lazy.  He is really, really smart and in all intellectually gifted classes (Stanley has smart but lazy genes) but damn, he is lazy.  He is also playing around in his classes and sometimes not turning in assignments.  When I ask him about school work or, heaven forbid, encourage him to start his homework, I get lip.   He is starting to argue with me.  Apparently he has nothing to do or it will only take 2 minutes.  Then I get emails from his teachers. The Boy only wants to be on the computer with the door closed.  I suspect there is some naughty stuff he looks at although Stanley has installed ‘nanny’ protection.  I know this kid can get around it somehow.    I know it is time for him to learn about sex, but I really don’t want him to learn about sex from porn.   That isn’t real sex.  That isn’t how you make women happy.  Real girls are going to slap the crap out of him if he treats them that way.  I want him to learn to treat women with respect. 

When we were growing up we didn’t have constant access to porn.

Young teens talked to each other about sex but I don’t think anyone knew much more than anybody else.  Boys had to score a magazine to see naked women and girls had no outlet really at all unless someone shared the magazine and then we were slutty if we looked.  I do not know how to talk to him about this.  Stanley wouldn’t even talk to me about sex when he was having sex with me so I can’t imagine he will step up and tell the Boy that sex is not like porn. 

The Boy used to hold my hand in the car.  He doesn’t do that much anymore.  

Maybe I should leave him a note on his bed

               Dear Boy,               

Sex is not like porn.

Love, Mom

He would never hold my hand in the car again if I do this, I’m sure.  Maybe I’ll whisper it in his ear as he leaves the house when he starts dating.  I have no idea but need a game plan. Girls are easier about this.  I plan to just say, “Don’t let boys near your biscuit!” like June on Honey Boo Boo.  Then again, her 17 year old daughter just had a baby so I may need a new plan there too!

It is so much easier when their world is all about Bar Bar!