This is for my friend who texted me this morning and said that I needed to do a blog on how being single sucks too. She is a single mom who lives in a smallish town and is navigating the world of online dating. This isn’t new to her, she has been doing it for many years and has had some important relationships (including with the father of her son) that she met online. Apparently it has been dry, stupid, dry and stupid for her for awhile though.
In my observation of her experience with these jokers, she has met these men who give this huge rush. They have no boundaries and profess all of this love and devotion before they even meet face to face. One man several years ago emailed her/chatted with her for hours upon hours every day. He told her that he was 100% sure that they would get married by summertime. When she would interject some reality into the situation he would pout. When they did meet, it was weird and not good and they never saw each other again. But because they had been emailing and chatting so intensely she grieved the loss.Then there was the guy (btw, these ‘guys’ are 50+ year old men) who had lost his wife recently (or did he? insert evil laughter) and again gave her this huge rush last Spring. She was walking into walls texting with this man, it was a constant flow of communication. He is all “I’ve never felt this way” yada yada and then nothing… Again, she was grieving the loss because even though they never met face to face she invested emotional energy into this. Now she has heard from him again, one year later, and he is saying he’s all sorry but he freaked out, it was too soon after his wife died, blah blah. She hasn’t responded yet.
I have to give her credit though because she still believes in romance.
I have NEVER believed in romance.
I have never believed anything a man ever said to me. Not ever. I was a teenager with a boyfriend saying, “You are the most beautiful thing ever and I want to live with you in a cabin in Maine and take pictures and write books” and I’m 16 y.o. thinking in my head, ‘yeah, he just wants to touch my boobs’. I am distrustful of what they say, what they want, what they mean. All of them. It is a wonder I ever got married at all. Now of course that I am writing this, I see it is probably not a wonder that I married Dr. Spock. He didn’t say anything so I didn’t have to believe him.
And it is not that I’m afraid they are going to cheat on me because there was never a man that I was less interested in than a man that was into another woman or looked at other women, etc. I have always my whole life been like (in my head of course) ‘go on. If you think there is something better, go on’. I have never wanted a man who was interested in someone else. And it isn’t because my dad was a jerk to women or unfaithful. My parents have a very good loving relationship. I have no idea why, I was born this way. So, I don’t imagine how I will ever successfully online date. Since I don’t trust them face to face there is no way in hell I will believe them through a computer screen. I am preparing myself for spinsterhood.
In my spare time while preparing myself for spinsterhood, I am also fantasizing about Zac Efron. I want to see The Lucky One but only without sound. I hate those Nicholas Sparks books and movies because someone always dies. Or gets Alzheimers. Then I am mad because I have invested 2 hours trying to believe in true love and I’m left bereft, needing a box of tissues. NO. NO MORE MR. SPARKS. I’m going strictly for the eye candy and the images I can file away in my brain for later use.
Possibly I am becoming a naughty cougar. But mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
It does sucks to be single if you are surrounded by people who are living happy lives in a relationship. But then again, who needs a relationship if you can opt to be frivolous and free but loved at the same time? How? I call it online romance. Fictitious but can be worth the temporary fix on romance.