Al has talked here before about his crazy ex.
Well.
I’ve been giving her a run for her money the last few days.
Yesterday I mentioned I have a billion thoughts about
Al’s transition to being a non-driver due to vision changes.
I think my billion thoughts have made me insane.
No. No. He’s fine. I just gave you a free Al gif.
I’m insane.
I’m tired and I always get a little crazy when I’m tired. Plus I’m anxious and I always get a little crazy when I get anxious. Plus I’m missing him bad and I always get a little crazy when I miss him bad.
Yesterday was a bad day for our long distance relationship.
Why you ask? Because I felt weird. I felt far away and not important and there is no reason that I should feel this way. He calls and texts me his love and devotion 200 times per day. I think it is because I have been so worried and felt so ineffective from so far away. Also, I just miss the man. He is hard to miss. So romantic and sweet and beautiful and all. Plus he gives the sweetest kisses.
(speaking of kisses, I loved this piece
Best Kiss Ever on purpleclover)
Last night I was sad. A weepy sad mess.
He was fine. He got rides arranged and was chatty and devoted and doing great. He has said several times that he thought he would be sad but that he actually feels some relief not to drive anymore. His rose colored glasses are back and intact and his personality is all sunny again.
Maybe I’m still grieving it.
Maybe I just miss the kisses.
But I was hell on wheels.
Sharing actual texts:
Are you okay? You don’t sound okay.
I’m only kind of ok.
I miss you. I don’t know what’s
really in your head and that makes me worry.
I miss you too. Feel sad and far away.
I don’t feel important.
I don’t know why.
That’s what worries me. I
can’t penetrate that.
okay.
I love you so much. I feel
like we’ve had good quality time. Worked
through some tricky stuff but I feel close. Now
you pull back and tell me all this and I wonder
what movie I’m watching if you feel this way.
It frustrates me and makes me sad too.
Missing I understand. Not feeling important?
I can’t figure out where that is possible.
I don’t know. I love you and miss you.
I probably feel your exasperation with me.
I’m exasperated with myself. Just forget it.
I am frustrated. I love you so much.
I just want to make you happy. All
the time.
Please just take a deep breath. The
missing is so hard. And it’s impossible
to fill the space where we both belong next
to each other. But you never ever cease to be
the single most important thing in my life.
Okay. I love you. It will be okay.
It really will be okay. I give you permission
to really believe that.
We’ll try that approach!
I love you. Remember that it’s much better
to think of our very real life together rather
than the imaginary life without each other.
Good one! I’ll try that.
I am yours. I will always be yours.
Ever thine.
Lucky you. Ever thine.
End Text sharing.
Am I not the biggest pain in the ass known to man?
Almost. There is still Stanley.
Ba Dum Dum.
See? He’s okay and I’m having a crisis.
He’s having to reassure me.
I need my head examined.
At the very least I need a good spanking.
No spankings. Just teasing. That does nothing for me.
I prefer kisses.
But I am on a quest today to get my head together and quit trying to push the best man ever away from me. Because if that happens I am going to find someone to spank me for real. I need purse brick upside my own head. But man long distance relationships are hard.
Hello, CM. I have been out of touch, busy living life and not blogging or reading too much, but today I’m catching up.
This post made me laugh, because you and I are a good deal alike.
I have a handsome man in my life who is wild about me. He makes my heart pitter-patter just thinking about him, and he never makes me guess how he feels about me. It’s wildly romantic and wonderful. And yet….I am clearly crazy. I don’t hear from him for six hours and I think, “I made all of this up there is no way he could be that good and it will never work.” Never mind that we’re both at work and that we each have ten zillion commitments and that in the morning he told me what his day would be and that he misses me madly, by mid-day I’m panicking.
So, you may be crazy (yes, I think you are) but you are not alone (because I know I am). Mostly I try to hide the crazy 😉 but I laughed out loud reading your post because it resonated so deeply.
And in case it makes you feel better – I’m not in a long distance relationship but it’s still impossible to spend time together most of the time. We’re not involving our kids yet, we both have travel, work, family, friends, and our kid schedules don’t overlap much at all. We take what we can get – an hour here, three hours there – but sometimes I think it would be EASIER if we were long distance, because then I could get a whole weekend at a time. (I told you I was crazy.)
Anyway, I love that you’re in love, that you’re doing well despite the crazies. 🙂
Polly! Congrats to you! I’m aure schedules are hard even in town. He sounds awesome! Yes my lovah is a
Saint to put up with me. So glad you are good!