I came in tonight from the crash pad after doing a fine job of avoiding Archie and spending the day shopping for Jumping Bean’s birthday and beginning Christmas presents.
I came in to find a major disaster. Seriously, FEMA could have been called.
Stanley is on the naughty list.
He will be finding coal in his stocking.
I myself may put it there.
It took me hours to clean up. He had to come back after about 20 min because he forgot his computer and he found me sweating, making great mounds of garbage with my broom.
I did not make eye contact or speak to him. Because when I called to tell him I was heading home (his courtesy start cleaning up call) I found out that he was napping. Napping.
Fuckwad.
Since all laborers know it helps to sing while you slave away:
On the first day of Stanley my ex-husband left for me:an industrial sized tub of dirty dishes.
On the second day of Stanley my ex-husband left for me:
2 greasy dirty children
and an industrial sized tub of dirty dishes.
On the third day of Stanley my ex-husband left for me:
three unfinished school assignments
2 greasy dirty children…
and an industrial sized tub of dirty dishes.
On the fourth day of Stanley my ex-husband left for me:
four rooms that had to be vacuumed
three unfinished school assignments
2 greasy dirty children…
and an industrial sized tub of dirty dishes.
On the fifth day of Stanley my ex-husband left for me:
five water glass rings!!
four rooms that had to be vacuumed
three unfinished school assignments
2 greasy dirty children…
and an industrial sized tub of dirty dishes.
Have you figured out Stanley did me wrong yet?
On the sixth day of Stanley my ex-husband left for me:
six unpaid bills
five water glass rings!!
da dum dum dum
four rooms that had to be vacuumed
three unfinished school assignments
2 greasy dirty children…
and an industrial sized tub of dirty dishes.
On the seventh day of Stanley my ex-husband left for me:
seven packs of still unopened weather stripping
(still on my kitchen table)
six unpaid bills
five water glass rings!!
da dum dum dum
four rooms that had to be vacuumed
three unfinished school assignments
2 greasy dirty children…
and an industrial sized tub of dirty dishes.
On the eighth day of Stanley my ex-husband left for me:
8 scrapes from falling down the driveway
(hauling down the garbage-his job)
seven packs of still unopened weather stripping
six unpaid bills
five water glass rings!!
da dum dum dum
four rooms that had to be vacuumed
three unfinished school assignments
2 greasy dirty children…
and an industrial sized tub of dirty dishes.
On the ninth day of Stanley my ex-husband left for me:
9 tons of unraked leaves
8 scrapes from falling down the driveway
seven packs of still unopened weather stripping
six unpaid bills
five water glass rings!!
da dum dum dum
four rooms that had to be vacuumed
three unfinished school assignments
2 greasy dirty children…
and an industrial sized tub of dirty dishes.
On the tenth day of Stanley my ex-husband left for me:
ten panic attacks
 |
9 tons of unraked leaves
8 scrapes from falling down the driveway
seven packs of still unopened weather stripping
six unpaid bills
five water glass rings!!
da dum dum dum
four rooms that had to be vacuumed
three unfinished school assignments
2 greasy dirty children…
and an industrial sized tub of dirty dishes.
On the eleventh day of Stanley my ex-husband left for me:
eleven homicidal thoughts
(with plan)
ten panic attacks
9 tons of unraked leaves
8 scrapes from falling down the driveway
seven packs of still unopened weather stripping
six unpaid bills
five water glass rings!!
da dum dum dum
four rooms that had to be vacuumed
three unfinished school assignments
2 greasy dirty children…
and an industrial sized tub of dirty dishes.
On the twelfth day of Stanley my ex-husband left for me:
twelve determinations that he is an uncommunicative waste of protoplasm.
eleven homicidal thoughts
(with plan)
ten panic attacks
nine tons of unraked leaves
eight scrapes from falling down the driveway
seven packs of still unopened weather stripping
six unpaid bills
five water glass rings!!
da dum dum dum
four rooms that had to be vacuumed
three unfinished school assignments
two greasy dirty children…
and an industrial sized tub of dirty dishes.
That was actually what he left for me yesterday when I came in at 5 o’clock.
Nap my ass.
Too good, too good!
(Little hands clapping gleefully.)
Delightful, I particularly like Day 11.