Failure with a capital FU.

I have determined my kids are locusts. I went to the store on Saturday and spent $$ on groceries.

Oh, before I forget,

Fuck you, Stanley!

Then today I had to go again. For instance, they had eaten 2 boxes of cereal in 2 days.

Apparently Jumping Bean ate an entire box of frozen waffles by herself which caused all sorts of general warfare.

Seriously, the kids have gobbled up all of that food since they have been here all day every day this week with school out.

So tonight, after work, I went back again.

Fuck you, Stanley!

This was the conversation on the way home from the store.Merlot, age 7, remarks from the backseat, “I don’t know why daddy says you never go to the store, You go all the time!”

Me:

“He says I never go?”

Merlot:“Yes. Once a few weeks ago he was saying you never go and then he looked in a cabinet and said “where did that come from?” and I said, “Mommy buyed it when she went to the store.”

Jumping Bean:

“I don’t know how an angry British guy like that ever ended up with a nice girl like you!”

Me a whole lot lately

You fail, you fail, Stanley.

Merlot (as we were turning into the driveway):

“We probably shouldn’t talk about him since there is his car!”

Me:”He is a good daddy, and he and I can be good friends. And maybe he will help us with these groceries!”

Fat chance of that! So, I am livid, livid about him telling them I don’t go to the store. I open the car door and he is all dressed up (hole cut in his pants for his tail) and has his cooler and is transferring some of his beer. He tells me he is going to an outdoor concert tonight with friends. He then goes inside and sits on the sofa and watches while I (and the little girls) haul in about 15 bags of groceries that I never go buy. I say, “Geez, I hope this helps you out this weekend. The kids are really putting it away.” I got a grunt response.

I have really, really, really, started to have a hard time remembering what I ever saw in him or remembering the feelings of being in love with him. I can’t remember in any way ever making love with him. I will have to burn my eyeballs out of my head if I ever get that visual.

Hard part of bird nesting Alert!

If we weren’t doing this we wouldn’t be having this ‘who goes to the store’ war.

I’m starting to think the purse brick isn’t large enough to suit my needs.

I just don’t know where he thinks all the stuff comes from if I don’t buy it? Does he think that shoes and flip flops and bathing suits and school uniforms and Squinkys and books and sunscreen and toothbrushes and shampoo and dog food and cleaning supplies and shorts that fit and all the other shit just materializes?? You are watching entirely too much Dr. Who, Beer Monkey!

WHAT THE HECK IS HIS PROBLEM??

If I was you ladies I would avoid Match.com.

Any mention of home brew and run like hell.

Just Sayin.

Consider yourself warned.