Blogging was more today than I could manage. I have spent the past 48 hours vacillating between panic and despondency.
to that asshole Stanley for throwing me like this.
Another problem with my coping with this news is that I haven’t really gotten mad yet. I know it will happen but I am still spending more time crying than I am plotting revenge. I talked to a friend today who is a child support/family law attorney, and she told me that his child support will be much less than I expect it to be. So, I have spent the day imaging myself in an apartment with bars on the windows raising my sad poor children while he is driving sports cars and living in the lap of luxury with a water view.
Also, I processed it out enough today to realize that I am finally feeling what so many divorced women feel.
Abandoned.
Oh, and thrown under the bus. Don’t forget that one.
A friend told me, who knows Stanley, that she can’t imagine that he wouldn’t provide for his kids and that it will be OK once I get over the shock. That made me cry harder because he can be pretty selfish. He doesn’t like to be inconvenienced and lack of cash is inconvenient. It is impacting his ‘lifestyle’ remember? I think that she is right though. He is stupid and selfish, but not mean. He is too lazy to be mean.
The children have certainly noticed my sadness and tears so I took them to see Brave this afternoon. Just to get us out of the house and away from my tears and where the men are working.
Sitting in the dark theater watching the trailers, I had an epiphany. I got hysterical, laughing, laughing out loud, embarrassingly so. People were turning around to see who the fool was who was laughing her head off not to mention my kids who were like, WTF?
There was a trailer for a movie about video games or something and some big man said something and some cute little girl mimicked him. And I thought,
EUREKA!!
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| Wreck it Ralph |
When Stanley says, “I want to sell the house”, I say in a baby mimic whine voice, “Iiiii want to sell the house”.
“I need my freedom”. Baby Elmo, “I need my freedom”.
“I want to live the divorced lifestyle”. Tweety Bird, “I want to live the divorced lifestyle”.
“The kids are important but so are my needs”. Tinkiewinkie Tellytubbie, “So are my needs”.
I expect anger to hit any moment but hysteria is better than crying my head off.
My surgery is Friday and all I can think of is that if I die he will have the kids.
Send prayers.
Wait, you feel “abandoned”? You were the one that instigated the divorce. How do you think Stanley feels?
I’m really liking your blog, as I think you have a great sense of humor and you are trying to do what’s best for your kids. But I find your writings to be too one-sided. I would actually love for Stanley to find your blog and to become a guest from time to time. There is no way Stanley can be that bad a guy, otherwise you would not bird nest with him. And if he is so terrible, then I question your judgment for bird nesting with him and leaving your kids alone with him.
I am a dad with kids, and my ex and I are thinking about bird nesting (we are living separately and the kids are moving back and forth now). This is my main concern about bird nesting is that my ex has an unreasonable perspective on the way things are going. We have different expectations about the way things should be done, and frankly being apart has been one of the best things for me as I am no longer stuck doing things her way.
I beg you to try and see things from Stanley’s perspective, for the sake of your kids’ mental stability and I think for your own as well. Do you think it’s good in the long run that your kids call him a “beer gorilla”? It sounds like it feeds your need to punish him, but that seems petty and short term thinking. If my kids ever start calling my ex names I would for sure give them a lesson about how they should respect their mother. What would you like Stanley to do if your kids call you names when you’re not around?
I can say what I want bc it is my blog. I feel abandoned bc this is our custody arrangement and it hasn’t even been 6 months and he wants to bail. My kids called him that to his face bc he has an obsessive hobby that they find funny. I don’t talk about him to them negatively. Ever.
I am doing everything possible to protect my kids mental stability including putting up with him, even doing his laundry, for my kid’s mental stability.
My hope for this blog is that people can see how it really is. THe qualities I didn’t like before are still there on a daily basis. Major negative with this arrangement.
I am not perfect. Stanley is welcome to blog about me. Good luck with your situation.
Prayers coming your way, CM. I am so sad that Stanley dropped this bomb on you the week of your surgery, when you’re dealing with so much already.
You can do this, though. I believe that for certain.
And Stanley feels abandoned because you bailed on your marriage arrangement. There are (at least) two sides to every story, and if we place full blame on the other person then there is no room for personal growth.
I didn’t mean to imply that you were the one who instigated the name, but certainly if you see it going on it can become a teachable moment for your kids that it’s not OK to denegrate someone like that.
I also in no way want to censor you, and realize this is your blog and so are free to give your opinion. I just wish there was some balancing information as I think dads tend to get a bad rap when it comes to divorce, and I’d like to see some of those stereotypes go away.
I appreciate that you’re taking your time to blog about bird nesting, as there doesn’t seem to be a lot of info out there about it. Like I mentioned, it’s already warned me about some of the potential pitfalls, and so I thank you for that.
I’m sorry that this is such a hard situation for you, and I definitely feel your pain about the hardships that divorce can cause, especially to children who are affected through no cause by them.
I agree it is a hard situation and my blog is certainly one sided. Thank you for your feedback.