Blogging was more today than I could manage. I have spent the past 48 hours vacillating between panic and despondency.
to that asshole Stanley for throwing me like this.
Another problem with my coping with this news is that I haven’t really gotten mad yet. I know it will happen but I am still spending more time crying than I am plotting revenge. I talked to a friend today who is a child support/family law attorney, and she told me that his child support will be much less than I expect it to be. So, I have spent the day imaging myself in an apartment with bars on the windows raising my sad poor children while he is driving sports cars and living in the lap of luxury with a water view.
Also, I processed it out enough today to realize that I am finally feeling what so many divorced women feel.
Oh, and thrown under the bus. Don’t forget that one.
A friend told me, who knows Stanley, that she can’t imagine that he wouldn’t provide for his kids and that it will be OK once I get over the shock. That made me cry harder because he can be pretty selfish. He doesn’t like to be inconvenienced and lack of cash is inconvenient. It is impacting his ‘lifestyle’ remember? I think that she is right though. He is stupid and selfish, but not mean. He is too lazy to be mean.
The children have certainly noticed my sadness and tears so I took them to see Brave this afternoon. Just to get us out of the house and away from my tears and where the men are working.
Sitting in the dark theater watching the trailers, I had an epiphany. I got hysterical, laughing, laughing out loud, embarrassingly so. People were turning around to see who the fool was who was laughing her head off not to mention my kids who were like, WTF?
There was a trailer for a movie about video games or something and some big man said something and some cute little girl mimicked him. And I thought,
|Wreck it Ralph|
When Stanley says, “I want to sell the house”, I say in a baby mimic whine voice, “Iiiii want to sell the house”.
“I need my freedom”. Baby Elmo, “I need my freedom”.
“I want to live the divorced lifestyle”. Tweety Bird, “I want to live the divorced lifestyle”.
“The kids are important but so are my needs”. Tinkiewinkie Tellytubbie, “So are my needs”.
I expect anger to hit any moment but hysteria is better than crying my head off.
My surgery is Friday and all I can think of is that if I die he will have the kids.