Ice Apocalypse 2013

Usually when I say I’m thinking people tell me they are nervous. 

I can get some wild thoughts sometimes.  

So while stuck in the house but not yet freezing or without wifi I can share with you stuff I’ve been thinking. 

First, Stanley is totally going to nail me about selling the house after the first of the year. I heard him in the kitchen as I was leaving on Tuesday night and he said, “I can’t wait to have my own kitchen,” under his stupid breath. You know. He was highly irritated. He couldn’t find the Parmesan cheese.  Looking behind something in the fridge will never have to happen in his ‘own kitchen’. 

He’s also a fucking pig so he may not be able to get in his kitchen for dirty dishes. 

Whatever. 

Stanley can’t find his ass with both hands. 

So I’m worried about that already. 

Also, I’m out of Xanax. 

Now that has been a tragedy.

I take one at bedtime every night. 

But I’ve been thinking it wasn’t really helping me anyway so I was going to try to go without it. 

 

BIG mistake.  I get the dumbass award. I’ve hardly slept this week.

I beat her in the dumbass catagory.

I’ve rectified that situation this morning In an ice storm.

I decided I wasn’t getting a medal for being unmedicated anyway. 

I’ve been worried about Nigella Lawson. 

I have a girl crush on Nigella. 

I loved to watch her show because she loves food and would eat big huge bites. 

I don’t trust a skinny chef.  Like Giada Delaurentis.

 

Beautiful, good food, 

but she doesn’t eat it.  Ever.   She is way too skinny to actually eat.

 

I also love Ina Garten.  Why?  She loves to eat.

Well, anyway, my girl crushboo Nigella is in the deep doody.

Her first husband died of cancer.   Then a few years later, she remarried a wealthy art dealer, Charles Saatchi, who was photographed trying to strangle her this past summer.  

 

Isn’t he a peach?

They divorced a few months ago but now are in court because of 2 trifling personal assistants that stole a bunch of money.  He is saying in court that Nigella let them take the money to keep quiet about her coke and marijuana habit.  He said it was clear to him now that she had been doing cocaine and pot daily for many years. On redirect he admitted that he had never actually seen her do any drugs or appear to have been drugged.

 She tearfully in court asked, “How did I end up on trial?” 

She admitted to using cocaine twice in her life while in court and said that he had been threatening her all summer with ‘personal ruin.’

I know my boo isn’t perfect, but Charles Saatchi is a big old bully. 

I mean, he was photographed strangling her.  If he will do that in public, what did he do in private?

She said anybody looking at her could tell she didn’t use coke everyday because she was too fat. 

Oh well. She is gorgeous and wealthy. She will be okay. 

 Unlike the rest of us that deal with bully exes and aren’t wealthy and famous.

Still, it just goes to show, wealth, beauty and the ability to make good food on TV don’t protect you from losing husbands to cancer and bully assholes that are Klassy with a K.