My lovah has been here this weekend and is leaving today.
He got here on Saturday evening, I was on with kids.
We all went to dinner and then watched a movie at the house.
It was much like this…..
We started out sitting together but before long
the little weasels were between us.
I guess they were just making sure they were included
and were not being edged out as the most important
thing in my life.
I dropped him at the hotel at 10 p.m. and came back
to my solitary bed. I knew from previous experience
not to even try to stay at the hotel for any sort of satisfying
quickie; forget it, they are texting me within a few minutes
asking when I’m coming home.
I picked him up at 8:30 the next morning and we came back here.
Once again, the kids were ever present.
We had breakfast here all together
and once again the divorce family dynamic
reared it’s ugly head.
Out of the blue over bagels, Merlot announced,
“We see Mommy more than Daddy.”
Then The Boy rushed to Stanley’s defense,
“No we don’t, we see them exactly the same.”
I say, “Hey, we both want to be with you guys
all the time, it’s okay, we love you so much.”
Jumping Bean was
eating and ignoring like she was determined not to notice
there were elephants in the living room.
Stanley came in at 5 and I left them and
Al and I went to dinner.
Two out of 3 of them were needy when I left
This to me is one of the last ‘problems’ I am
encountering from the divorce.
The kids do like Al.
He has a relationship with all 3 of them individually.
They just don’t seem ready at all for me to date.
I can’t even imagine their reactions if I told them
I was getting remarried.
They would probably stone me or at the very least
insist I go to Bad Mother Jail.
I know other people who moved on really quickly
and their kids seem to be coping with it.
Or do they just do it anyway and expect the kids to deal?
Am I giving the kids too much power?
Al says possibly yes.
Really, Stanley needs to get married again and that
might let me off the hook with the kids.
He lives with his girlfriend but the kids don’t seem to
be bothered by that.
So is it okay with them that he has another life
but not me?
Am I being slut shamed by my own children?
They sure don’t seem happy that I have a chance
to have a happy romantic partnership in life.
Of course we know that kids are greedy little
narcissists who don’t really care what their parents
Al just rolls with it.
He says we are going to outlast all the fuckers.
He’s very patient and works hard with them.
But I want them to be happy that I’m happy.
I guess that might be too much to ask.
April Melheim says
My son LOVES his stepmom. Talks about her constantly and tell her that he loves her over the phone at my house.
It took him a really, really long time to like my boyfriend. Like, when I told him that BF wouldn’t be around much because we were taking a break (more like I was being a commitment-phobe), my son was so happy it broke my heart.
I think it’s harder for kids to see their mom as a person with romantic needs than their dad. At least in my situation, and it sounds like in yours, I’ve always been really devoted to my son and his dad was sort of peripheral. So it makes sense that dad has a life outside our house, but not that I do.