As previously reported here, Stanley has informed me he wants to sell the house. I have no intention of selling the house but I am humoring him just to avoid a fight. The funny thing about this is that Stanley, deep inside his lazy beer monkey heart, expects me to do it all, so he won’t break a sweat getting the house ready to put on the market, having it appraised, listing it, nada, so if I don’t do it, it won’t get done. Since I don’t intend to be helpful in this process, I imagine that this can take ages.
I have made the decision and I’m not doing it.
I’m not going to be helpful.
If he does manage to get a sign in the yard, I am going to leave this on the countertop.
My intent is to buy him out as soon as I can swing it, hopefully in a year.
So, for the next year, this will be me.
I was on for the weekend and worked and played with the kids. His birthday was Sunday, so on Sunday morning we went out and got him a card, a small gift, and then made him cupcakes for when he came in for nest duty at 5. Really I didn’t do it for him, I did it for the kids. On Mother’s Day, Stanley was his usual total bucket of fail and didn’t help the kids do anything for me. They felt terrible that they didn’t have cards or gifts. I felt terrible that their dad is such a lousy fuck that he didn’t even bother to help them so they didn’t feel bad. I was trying to spare the kids that so went out of my way.
We made Smores cupcakes.
And by we, I mean ME and a kid in the kitchen blocking the countertop and the oven with a scooter.
They were fiddly as shit. There were 4 steps. 4!
I bought the ingredients, did the scooter kitchen dance for 4 steps, then cleaned the shit up.
Later he posted this on FB.
Kids made me cupcakes for my birthday. Thanks guys! Loved the candles especially!
Yep, they did it all. Little darlings.
Then to rub salt in the wound, he left me his dinner dishes from his birthday dinner, just a little present, that I found when I came in to check on the kids on Monday morning. Oh yes, he did.
What a sweetie.
Monday afternoon, I took Merlot to her Ortho appointment, pulled back in the garage, and couldn’t help but notice that their was a river running from the storage room in the garage. Actually that room is his beer room. It has a Kegerator, a Fermentation chamber, and the oldest refrigerator I’ve ever seen in my life. The inside has Kegs in it and there are holes cut in the sides where taps come out. Oh, yes, plus it has a leak. A black, smelly leak. He never cleans up anything, and I’m not touching it, so…
Jealous yet?
Pretty much I have decided I am waaaay too nice to that wanker. I’m not going to make one thing easy on him from here on out. I’m going to ignore him when he says he is going to sell the house and keep a list everytime a new varmit is spotted in the garage at our new beer lick. The kids and I can keep track of the number of species.
So, go ahead Stanley, say it. Make my day.
Meanwhile, 915 miles away from here, the second biggest Pansy in the Universe is also trying to set a limit. Al has called his ex every name in the book over the past few days. Mean Pig, Fire Crotch (a personal favorite of mine), Mindless Twat, Dingaling, and well, they get meaner from there. Their house is under contract, not a great deal, but she insisted they take it. She will walk away with money, he will not. Yet, she STILL is calling him for money. Today she called him from a car dealership and asked for 4K for her a second car because she is having to share with their son who is home from college. It will not be his car, it will be a second car for her. She even had the nerve to say to this man, a man who gave up his car last year due to vision issues,
“I cannot live my life the way I want to when I have to share a car.”
(just a tiny one)
He told her no. Then she said he was being unreasonable and hostile. He told her no again. Then she said that he wasn’t telling her no, he was actually saying no to his son. Because you know, a heavy dose of guilt works sometimes. But not today, he told her fuck no. He said that he intends to always say no from this point forward. To be honest he has had sleepless nights over money recently and she has a lot of damn nerve. So.. from now on
We made a pact that we will not make their lives easier for one more minute. because they certainly don’t try to make ours easier. They take care of themselves first always. As a matter of fact, neither of them really even put the kids first, it’s wanker first, kids second. But it has finally occurred to us that everything we do for them (not the kids) but them, comes out of our hide. We put off our happiness because these wankers demand so much of our energy and resources.
(I paid the $830 for the roof repair last week because Stanley was ranting about selling the house. I’m such a pansy I paid the bill to get him to shut up and drop it.)
The race is on to see who will revert back to pansy behavior first. At this moment, I wouldn’t spit on Stanley if his tail was on fire. Just sayin.
You and I have a great deal in common. We are great enablers – the best, possibly! I have also read about how delicious and thoughtful my daughter’s birthday cakes are on Facebook, with zero acknowledgement (publicly or privately) that it meant his ex-wife spending a hot Sunday summer afternoon in the kitchen. (Made from scratch. What was I thinking?!)
For Mother’s Day my ex forgot that his child had a mother. For Father’s Day, my daughter and I are discussing buying some (inexpensive) sports tickets and I’ve already coached her that she should put some thought into making a card and such. My ex is unaware of school events, oblivious about how much work goes into a science fair project or the extra assignments that come home. (He showed up at the science fair late, left early, hugged her and said, “I’m so proud of you!” before he left. I estimate that I spent 40 hours helping her with that project.) The one that is really blowing my mind right now is that we’re approaching the childcare-disaster that is summertime, and I have been doing back bends to arrange camps, weeks with friends, grandma-care, and anything else that I can patch together that won’t cost a million dollars. It doesn’t even occur to him that he should participate in all of that, he just waits to hear that it’s done. When I’m lucky, he sends an email that says “Thanks for arranging all that!” but sometimes I’m not that lucky.
Yup, enabling. And now I’m venting, too. 😉
I think that it’s fabulous that the figure to buy out your house is only $7K. I say you agree to it asap before housing prices go back up (in my region they’re climbing faster and faster, and a year could make a BIG difference). Maybe you can convince Stanley that for the stability of the kids they need to keep the house, and since you’ll then be responsible for 100% of the upkeep, he should just walk away and sign over the deed….his kids will get the stability of their home, he gets GREATLY reduced expenses, and all for $7k which doesn’t come close to how much it takes to run a house. Will there be a renegotiation of child support since the living arrangements will be so different? Maybe time to put something in writing while the house prices are low….
And, BTW, your house is about 50 times prettier than mine but mine costs more – wow those regional differences are striking!! I refinanced 1.5 years ago to buy my house from my ex, and it was a good call – though the house tried to break me by breaking down and costing thousands, the increase in equity since then means it’s a really good investment for me. I hope that you get the same returns. 🙂
I can’t wait to see how your new stance changes things. Teach me! Please! 🙂
Vent away, Dahling. They couldn’t suck harder. Bunch of damn Hoovers we married. My beer lick appears moldy this morning. GREAT idea about the money. Yes, just walk away Wanker. Yes, the housing market is much lower here than other parts of the country. The house is 3000 sq feet and we paid 300k so about $100 sq ft. Of course we don’t live in a cool place like you do!!
Vent away, Dahling. They couldn’t suck harder. Bunch of damn Hoovers we married. My beer lick appears moldy this morning. GREAT idea about the money. Yes, just walk away Wanker. Yes, the housing market is much lower here than other parts of the country. The house is 3000 sq feet and we paid 300k so about $100 sq ft. Of course we don’t live in a cool place like you do!!
Vent away, Dahling. They couldn’t suck harder. Bunch of damn Hoovers we married. My beer lick appears moldy this morning. GREAT idea about the money. Yes, just walk away Wanker. Yes, the housing market is much lower here than other parts of the country. The house is 3000 sq feet and we paid 300k so about $100 sq ft. Of course we don’t live in a cool place like you do!!
Vent away, Dahling. They couldn’t suck harder. Bunch of damn Hoovers we married. My beer lick appears moldy this morning. GREAT idea about the money. Yes, just walk away Wanker. Yes, the housing market is much lower here than other parts of the country. The house is 3000 sq feet and we paid 300k so about $100 sq ft. Of course we don’t live in a cool place like you do!!
Vent away, Dahling. They couldn’t suck harder. Bunch of damn Hoovers we married. My beer lick appears moldy this morning. GREAT idea about the money. Yes, just walk away Wanker. Yes, the housing market is much lower here than other parts of the country. The house is 3000 sq feet and we paid 300k so about $100 sq ft. Of course we don’t live in a cool place like you do!!
Vent away, Dahling. They couldn’t suck harder. Bunch of damn Hoovers we married. My beer lick appears moldy this morning. GREAT idea about the money. Yes, just walk away Wanker. Yes, the housing market is much lower here than other parts of the country. The house is 3000 sq feet and we paid 300k so about $100 sq ft. Of course we don’t live in a cool place like you do!!
Vent away, Dahling. They couldn’t suck harder. Bunch of damn Hoovers we married. My beer lick appears moldy this morning. GREAT idea about the money. Yes, just walk away Wanker. Yes, the housing market is much lower here than other parts of the country. The house is 3000 sq feet and we paid 300k so about $100 sq ft. Of course we don’t live in a cool place like you do!!
Vent away, Dahling. They couldn’t suck harder. Bunch of damn Hoovers we married. My beer lick appears moldy this morning. GREAT idea about the money. Yes, just walk away Wanker. Yes, the housing market is much lower here than other parts of the country. The house is 3000 sq feet and we paid 300k so about $100 sq ft. Of course we don’t live in a cool place like you do!!
Great post. I just think if we (me included) should feel in any way responsible for our kids relationship with their father. This is something I left to my kids. Of course if I see anything wrong or inappropriate I am going to intervene. But most of the time I let my husband work at keeping in touch with kids and simply being the fater to them. Baking cupcakes, getting card… I don’t know about that. I might remind my kids about their father birthday but if they choose to celebrate it or make him a gift I leave entirely to them. I just decided I am not going to help him to be a father. He has to do it himself. He needs to take care of the relationship. Why should I make it easy for him? All you get is disappointment because you assume his mind and emotions work the same way as yours (Mother’s Day). It is not the case. There is a reason why you are no longer together. I’ve learnt to rely on myself and not to expect too much. Maybe I am being a bit too blunt, don’t want to hurt your feelings but it sounds a bit like you have some breaking up and away to do. BTW I was also asked by my ex to sell the house and split the money. I said to him to come back with a proposal on how to do it and assured him I will never be the one to start with this. Nothing has happened so far…
We started nesting 8 weeks ago, the hardest part isn’t the logistics of going between 2 houses and constantly forgetting stuff is, it’s letting go of my expectations of the ex that he never came close to fulfilling during our marriage. Now we have split he is enjoying his downtime in that department. i think after reading this post I have to start asking myself, what did I expect from him when he makes no effort or gives me no help. Engage my brain which knows what the track record is instead of feeling wronged when my hard work isn’t reciprocated. I get a lot out of this blog and it’s been very helpful in the past 8 weeks and months leading up to the split. So thanks all the way from a tiny corner of Australia.
Child Support Needs Reform
In California, Child Support is sometimes just disguised alimony. I have joint legal and physical custody of two boys with 50/50 time. I still have to pay thousands each month because I make more money. I make more money because I made different choices in my life than my ex. I also have different spiritual and political beliefs, a different education, and many other differences that my children are exposed to — I shouldn’t be penalized for the economic difference, just as shouldn’t be penalized for my skin color or for not being an athiest.
I understand the state incentive to avoid public support for children and I believe that it should be both parents responsibility to keep children off of the public dole, but I don’t think a parent should be required to pay more than the state requires of itself. If the state can calculate the amount of assistance a child should receive based on income — then that should be the limit of any one parents liability under any circumstances. If thats too low, then our state should be paying more as well. Anything more than that is just playing Robin Hood, Taxation without Representation, and Providing Monetary Incentives to break up families and encourage politics with children for monetary game.
Like Kevin below, I also took on the debt to preserve the (underwater) family home so my children could have as much routine as I could provide. I also did not initiate the separation (though I am thankful for it). The person I married would not have taken money from me with equal parenting and in fact ridiculed those that didn’t carry their own weight.
I am not broke because of the payments, but I will say for sure that it lowers the quality of life for both my children and myself and will affect their entire future. They will not be able to have the best eduation that I would have been able to provide — that money is spent instead on a better wardrobe for their mother.
Sorry for all the spam; I was trying to post a reply to: https://divorcedmoms.com/articles/child-support-reform-what-side-of-the-fight-are-you-on
But it keeps going to other pages. 🙁