I’m back on nest duty and back to the mommy grind.
I realized after a few hours home yesterday I felt like a robot.
Like I had never been gone.
I came in yesterday afternoon after some work business and some Al business that took me away for 4 days. Stanley was good but during the change he was pacing and shifting his weight from one foot to another and I knew he was trying to say something.
I tried to be patient.
Just spit it out Stanley.
He told me he is moving to a new apartment next weekend with his girlfriend. So, there you go, they are moving in. I don’t care. Go forth and be happy. I’m hoping that he will be really happy in his little love nest and will agree to continue birdnesting.
Although this is a pain in my still big ass.
I am having major sleep issues.
I think it is a combination of:
- age related hormonal issues (fuckery)
- sleeping in different beds constantly. Last week I slept in 4 different beds.
- concern about $$.
- concern about Al and his transition
This morning I feel like an insomniac robot.
I’m trying to break these issues down and problem solve:1. Age related hormonal issues. Well. Fuckery. There is nothing I can do about it. I’m almost 49 years old and insomnia and anxiety increase in women during this time. I am going to my vaginacologist soon and will talk to him about it. But it is a bitch. And I am having trouble sleeping after I take Tylenol PM and sometimes after I pop a Xanax in desperation. That ain’t good.2. I sleep in different beds constantly. I sleep in my bed in the nest 3 or 4 nights a week and the other nights I sleep at the crash pad. Usually the second night in a row somewhere I sleep better. Again the kids are great and I am glad we are still birdnesting but it isn’t helping me sleep any. When it is over I will have one place to keep my stuff and lie my head down at night. This has an end point.3. Concern about money. I heard a few weeks ago on the Today Show that it takes about 10 years to recover financially from divorce. Okay. I have 8.5 years to go. I can handle that because I know it has an end point. I’m stressed about stretching my dollars but it will get better. I got myself into this mess, after all. But I will say that the next time someone hears me say I am going to put in more $$ to help Stanley put in less, I need a bitch slap. Just slap the hell out of me.
Because then I can’t afford gas and he buys some expensive shit.
4. Concern about Al and his transition. I can’t help it, I’m worried. I’m afraid he won’t ask for rides. He is very self reliant and a big strong man and I’m nervous he won’t say “Why, yes, I do need a ride” when people ask him if they can help. I have a billion more things to say on this subject and I will get my thoughts together and say it tomorrow but I am anxious for him.
Now I am going to take my tired robot big ass and make some dollars.