Well, I don’t even know what to say. No, I didn’t get busted. Definitely he did not break up with the girlfriend. Last night, I came on and he was leaving and lurking like he wanted to talk. Finally he birthed,”this birdnesting arrangement is not working for me. I want to live like I’m divorced. I can’t afford a nice apartment and continue paying for the house, I want to sell.”
Not that I’m shocked. This new girl has 3 kids at home and I was already aware that he didn’t have a great place to have sex. Since he broke up with the last one, who also had kids but had some nights kid less, or maybe it is the one before that who was not a mother and had a house of her own, he has gone out every night he is off and come in very late and crashed in his room. (I think. I’m asleep). I wish I could say that I handled it with dignity. Instead, I was standing cooking at the stove and burst into tears and said, “I knew you weren’t invested in the birdnesting, I see now that it was purely financial on your part.” He told me that he wanted to ‘live the lifestyle’ of the divorced. GEEZ. His idea of a ‘divorced lifestyle’ seems vastly different from mine. Mine is worrying incessantly about the children and their security and apparently his is getting a great apartment and boinking his current girlfriend. He said it was hard to explain to a new woman that he lives with his ex-wife. Well let me try, because to me, it is easy. “I am co-parenting with my ex in a new sort of way called Birdnesting and we rotate being in the house with the kids”. Done.
I think this new woman has him by the dingle.
So I informed him through tears that his child support would go way up and that I really didn’t want the kids to have to move again. He said that his child support would stay the same, $630 per month, but that he would be free of all of these payments. I told him that his child support was that low only because of the bird nesting money he puts in and is based on his having 50% custody. And that shit is going to change. He doesn’t have them 50% of the time now anyway.
He said he doesn’t see that.
I’m thinking that he has it figured that he drops all of us and walks off with all of his salary less $600 per month.
He left, I fed the kids and cried, and basically have been trying to pick myself back up off the floor.
I am profoundly disappointed in him. I am hoping that he will change his mind when he talks to someone who tells him of his real child support responsibility. He told me that he is sorry that it will cause an uprooting of the kids but that his needs matter too.
My dumbfoundedness comes from the fact that he has been living like a party boy whore since we separated. He took up smoking, lost 30 lbs, feels no responsibility in the house, is the president of his dumb club, drives drunk, and has had about 4 girlfriends. You mean he has needs on top of those?
I sent him an email today and told him that I had no intention of thinking of any of this until after my surgery. He did agree to be here on Friday, my actual surgery date, but he traded a day. I’m on my own with them for the weekend. Luckily my mom has agreed to help.
I’m so disappointed. I’ve said that already. I’m rambling.
I have a feeling I am going to need a good lawyer and that this is going to get adversarial.