Landmines

Stanley is signing his lease this morning.  Woohoo!  To me that is a commitment for another 12 months of bird nesting.  I am hoping that he will be happier having his own space to go on his days off.  The girlfriend is coming back this weekend from her vacation so I am expecting him to get surly again.Last night during the key exchange, we even sat for a few minutes on the sofa together and discussed the children, the apartment, and their adjustment to our dating partners.  He told me he thought they had done fine meeting FBE.Backtrack:  FBE stayed in town through Monday and I went back on nest duty on Sunday at 5.  I went back to the nest and got the kids, we picked him up at his hotel and went out for burgers and then to see Spiderman.  We even had yogurt afterward.  We had a group date.    

 The kids seemed fine.  FBE and I didn’t touch at all and were both very careful not to throw anything in their face.  Then on Monday, I had the kids and so I went and got him from his hotel early and brought him back here.  He helped me with house projects, we went to Lowes, I made everyone breakfast and the kids hung with us some and did their own thing some.  Again it was fine.

And then my mother got involved.

What a buzz kill.

 

She called me and said she was concerned that the kids would be upset seeing me with another man and that they weren’t stupid and knew we were more than friends.  Well.  Yes.  So, I got anxious about it and became hyperalert about the children and the possibility that I had permanently scarred them having them meet him.

Dear God, please don’t let me screw up my kids.

I have been right on them since then, looking for any signs.  They are fine.  I have determined several things.  I hope I’m on the right track and not rationalizing my behavior.

1.  I think that it might have been weird to see me with someone else for a minute, but I realize that the kids haven’t seen Stanley and I look like a couple for a long time either.  It has been years since they saw us kiss or hold hands.  Like 3 – 4 years.   In addition, the kids have no idea how long the divorce has been final, but they know we have been bird nesting for 18 months.

2.  They have seen me sad a whole lot.  I think they have worried about me and possibly feel some relief to hear me giggle and smile.

3.  I think kids are innately selfish little beasts.  I think that as long as their lives aren’t interrupted that much and as long as they have access to both of us and all of their stuff, and that they continue to feel like their lives are secure and stable,  that they don’t care so much who we sleep with. The children were very polite to FBE and he joked and teased with them and it was all good.  They aren’t scarred for life.  Not this time.If anyone has any advice for how to have kids meet other partners, please advise.  Stanley told me yesterday that he has met one of his new girlfriend’s three kids.   I can see that this is such a tricky thing with kids.