Musings from an old gal.

I have some very close girlfriends who have their birthdays in July, along with me, and we generally get together and celebrate at least once.  This past weekend we were celebrating my dear friend turning 50.  I just turned 48.  She had a big fun party.  But really?  50?  Aargh!  The party was very fun with some of my favorite people in the world in attendance, there was laughter and joy.

 I don’t like getting older.  I hate it.  I want to be young forever.  I still feel youngAs a matter of fact, I feel like this at least twice a week.

That said, I don’t want the alternative.There was a friend at the party who has cancer and isn’t doing well.  It broke my heart. She has a ten year old daughter the age of Jumping Bean.  I can’t imagine knowing that you are leaving you child and the sadness that must come in knowing all that you will miss. 

FBE flew in late Friday night for a quick weekend just to go to the party with me.  So, yes, for the first time in 2 -3 years, I had a date for an event.  I was so happy.  I think I have smiled more in the last 6 weeks than I have in years.  I feel like I was beaming holding his hand and introducing him around.  Seeing my friend in her cancer ridden body made me feel so guilty for feeling so happy when there is so much sadness around her. 

I know that everyone has their turn with sadness and death.

But I would give anything for her to not have to suffer and go through this.

FBE was wonderful and supportive and we had a romantic and beautiful weekend.  Dude is practically perfect. We slept so close together that we woke up with our eyelashes touching.  I put him on a plane yesterday afternoon and cried like a baby.  He kissed my tears away. 

Don’t be a hater.

I came back to the nest and Stanley was looking at our insurance bills from our water damage #2.  That was sobering.  I cried again a little bit but no one kissed those away (in case you were wondering).  Stanley and I are doing fine since the apartment and I can tell this will be a huge improvement.  The cost of the nest is high though.   I really see the benefit to the kids though and that to me is priceless.

FBE and I decided over the weekend that life is hard.

 Therefore we have to do everything we can to make it worth it. 

I feel like I’m on the right track.