Oblivion: Ignoring Warning Signs

No.  Not the movie.  I didn’t see the movie.

I saw a question on twitter from HuffPoDivorce asking,

“What warning signs did you ignore?”

All of them.

I chose to live in Oblivion.

I was 32 and ready to get married because I wanted to have children.

 I thought it would be fine.  I loved him.

Then he took me to England to meet his family.

We were already engaged and our wedding was six months away.

His mother was horrible to me. With her lovely English accent that was all ‘lovely this and lovely that’ she hit me with every catty barb known to women everywhere.  She said:

• She didn’t know why we had to get married, because people in England just lived together.
• She told me I looked nice, “American” but nice.
• She called me, ‘Lisa’ his previous girlfriend’s name for 10 days.
• She told me she never liked ‘social workers much.’ Seriously, who would say that?
• She insisted we take a little walk.  I asked if I needed to wear comfortable shoes.  She said “No, it’s just a little walk” and smiled.  Then she took me to the downs.  Which are actually ups.  Downs are the plateau at the top of a hill.  We hiked about 2 hours and got to the top of this beautiful hilly plateau.  Then had to hike down.  Every inch of my feet were covered with blisters.  She was positively gleeful.

At some point I told Stanley that she was being so mean and hurting my feelings.  He said he felt sick and took to his bed.  Seriously.  His response to that was to get sick and leave me with her unprotected for 10 days.   Pansy.

After about 7 days, I started fighting back.

• She threw out the ‘American’ comment again and I retorted, “Ah, I will take that as a compliment that my clothes match.”
• She called me Lisa, and I said, “You might be having short term memory deficits.”
• She took me for another ‘little walk’.  When we got to the top in my comfortable shoes, I said, “So, is your evil plan to chuck me over the side?”  She chortled.  I said, “If one of us is going over it isn’t going to be me” and gave her my loveliest smile.

She was right, it was lovely up there.

Then I went back and told my bedridden fiancee that I wasn’t spending another evening in the thatched cottage, there were mean people there and I was cold.  As a matter of fact I had been cold for 7 days.  And no, I don’t want to borrow your fucking ‘jumper’.

 For real.

Lisa was leaving.

One would think that he would have told his Mum to lay off.  Nope.  I packed and went downstairs and they were having a nice cup of tea and smiling together.  She said, “Ah, please don’t leave, we are just getting to know each other, I’m very glad you are here.”

Sure ya are.

Ye Olde Bitch

 

Not my actual ex MIL.

And because I really didn’t have a clue how to get to Gatwick nor what I would do for the 2 days after I got there until my flight, I dropped it and ignored it.  I decided I could manage her since I wasn’t going to live on the same continent.

I ignored that he didn’t protect me from his mom.

I decided to live in Oblivion.  And he never protected me once in 14 years.  Not from anything.  He let me move a sofa when I was 9 months pregnant.  My happiness and comfort was not important to him.  If I was unhappy or upset, well, he wished I weren’t, but he didn’t lift one finger to make it not so.

So, yes, I ignored some signs.

And I will not ever be making that mistake again.

My poor children are going over in 6 weeks.

I’ve already started warning them about the downs.

 They will take only comfortable shoes.

And they are sooooo American.

Jumping Bean has already said,

“Wait, they have only one TV?”

Just wait, ye olde Bitch.