Just Sayin.
After my meeting with Stanley and all of the stress I had about it over the last few weeks, I was just exhausted on Friday and Saturday. Friday I felt like my head was going to explode. Saturday was slightly better but I was exhausted. I was happy to have the kids because I am always happy to have the kids. But damn, my 13 year-old is developing a social life and making me crazy. He wants to go places and do things with his friends on the weekends. Problem: He doesn’t drive. Problem 2: They want to do things I don’t like. Like go to a movie that I don’t necessarily want him to see. And I’m NOT a prude. Problem 3: He gives me NO prior warning. I do want him to be popular and have friends, I want him to have a fun life. He had to take the ACT (yes early, he was invited to take it through some Duke University program) and he got up Saturday morning at 7 and went without any complaint to the school where he sat for 4 hours dealing with question after question that he has not been taught. I wanted him to be able to do something fun after he had that miserable experience, but dang I want it more under my control. He and I had a ‘come to Jesus talk’ after I picked him up from the movie and I set some limits and parameters, starting with ample notice and that he must always have his cell phone charged and ready.
Then, Stanley and I rotated nest duty last night at 5.
Merlot threw a wobbly.
She did not want me to leave. I’m afraid she hurt Stanley’s feelings badly. But she didn’t give a shit. I took her in the bathroom and told her that daddy loved her and wanted to be with her and to please get a grip. She said, (she still has trouble with her r’s) “I know I need to get a gwip but sometimes when I know it I can’t get a gwip at all!”
Mini Me.
Bless her heart.
I can never get a gwip when I need to most of all.
I am finding it so amazing to see how these kids, as different as they are individually, are just like Stanley and I. Jumping Bean makes me insane with her communication (Stanley). She texts me and gives me some horrid news (often with added dramatics (Me) like she wants to worry me a little) and then when I ask what is happening I get, “yep”, “no”, “ok”. AARGH! And The Boy, smart as a whip and very interested in science (Stanley) but also very social and verbal (both me). In Merlot I see no Stanley at all. She doesn’t have a lazy bone in her body (my mom), social, verbal, and I can tell she sees all of his limitations even at 8. I don’t talk about him at all with them, she just recognizes and doesn’t tolerate lazy well.
I am picking them up from school as usual and will stay until he gets here from work. The place is a pig pen (NOT how I left it) but he is on until Wednesday at 5, so I will ignore and see if he picks it up. I’m hoping tonight that Merlot will be okay and we won’t have a repeat of last night. This is really the first time she has lost it to that extent. It makes it so much harder when they don’t want to change over. The Boy never seems to mind but the girls do at times squeal. I can’t imagine when it comes to going to his new love nest with his girlfriend. Merlot will need medication. I plan to avoid that as long as possible.
Just wanted to thank you for sharing your story. I’ve read your entire blog over the last week and have really appreciated your perspective on nesting and divorce in general. As someone in the preliminary stages of separation and considering a nesting arrangement your words have been more helpful than I can even express.
Thank you so much. I hope to give a helpful real world view of nesting even though I certainly move on to other topics. This really is an ideal arrangement for children although it isn’t without some challenges for the adults. Good luck and keep me posted!
I seem to be managing it with a bit more hostility than Cuckoo – we almost never see each other in person or have much flexibility on the schedule. Txt if we must communicate. It has been eye opening to me how frickin inconvenient the constant moving is – I’m always missing pillows or razors or what not, and generally discombobulated. So I’m happy to spare that additional disruption to the kids. I think it may break down this summer, but that’s so far past my planning horizon I can’t get upset yet. At least I’ll be more sensitive to their moving about, and they will have had the bad things spaced out instead of all at once. –Anon B
No, its awful……. I never have what I need. Half the time I don’t have deodorant on. We text most of the time too and I stay mad about the house. Yes, it is eye opening and we will be aware of what our kids have to endure. My ADHD kid will likely need an inpatient psych visit. Kuddos to you for your attitude though and I also agree with your ‘spacing it out’ comment. AT least they will be used to being with one of us at a time before they have to become nomadic. Take care.