I try to do all the right things with the kids in co-parenting them with Stanley. I constantly reassure them that we are still a family and they still have access to us both at all times. I love them up and make myself available to them physically and emotionally. I work hard to keep Stanley present to them even though he disappears when he’s off and doesn’t check in with them. Tonight, Jumping Bean sent me a text that her best friend is moving. She is a wreck. I have spent the evening sending texts to Stanley reminding him to go check on her and giving him examples of things he can do to make her feel better. I swear I try really hard never to talk about Stanley negatively to them.
But sometimes I really screw up.
Stanley is not blessed with the fun gene. He is about as fun as a
Often, when Stanley is going to be with the kids, I think of things for them to do that they would enjoy and suggest it to him so that he will actually do something with them instead of spending endless days at the house. He doesn’t seem to naturally come up with any ideas, ever. I can honestly say that over the 13 years of our marriage, he never once suggested that we go to a movie or out to dinner, any activity at all. Every trip we took, even back to his homeland, was my idea. I planned it, bought the tickets, packed and unpacked so that he could see his mother. Last year, when I was worried that the kids would be really bored on Stanley’s week between Christmas and New Years, I suggested to my ex MIL that my ex FIL visit so that they would have something fun to look forward to.
I don’t know what he thinks about but it isn’t social or fun activities.
With the exception of his beer hobby. Now he appears to be a social butterfly when he is off. There are always pictures on FB of his brewing events and he is the president of his beer club. He doesn’t do that with the kids though, thank God.So, I was driving the kids home after school on Friday and The Boy made a statement that “Dad took us to that movie and then we went out to that fun restaurant.”
To which I said,
“Yes, that was my idea.”
Because I’m perfect and think of everything you know.
He responded,
“Why did you have to say that?”
Because I am an immature bitch, that’s why.
Because I want you to know that I am the person that plansand organizes every single thing in your life because he’s lazy, that’s why.
Because I’m still hurt that when the couples therapist gave him homework every week of planning a date with me when we were workingon our marriage, coffee or a walk, he never once did it, that’s why.
It doesn’t matter. I want them to love him and I want him to be a good father.
And even though he is boring he is usually better still than most. I saw the look on my son’s face and it shamed me. Yes, I do those things for them but I do it for them to share special time with him not because I want them to think I am better than he is.
My inner immature bitch got the best of me.Lesson learned. Point taken, kid.
I just had to chuckle. I walk down the street and pick up a discarded paper cup and throw it in the trash. Nobody thanks me. I don’t get any brownie points. No gold star. In fact, somebody could point out that I failed to put it in the recycling bin (there is no bin here) so my good turn could be criticized.
Do I think of the Good Samaritan? What’s important is not the praise, not the thanks or acknowledgement but the results. So, I’ll keep picking up discarded paper cups and you can keep making sure your kids have a good life. If nothing else, it will make us feel good.
Every parent makes mistakes. But what makes you special, and a great mom, is that you aren’t afraid to own your mistakes, and to make them right. I love that you put this out there and showed your vulnerability, because it helps me to make better parenting decisions through your reminder of moments like this (which I have, too).
You are an awesome mama, and you’re on the right track. You don’t have to be perfect to be fabulous. 🙂