Self Esteem

Last week when I was working, a patient referred to me as the “pretty chubby lady”.  

(Just a minute)

Shut up you meanie!

 (Okay I’m back)

I’ve been thinking a whole lot about women and their body image since I’m dieting.  I saw this documentary on HBO over the weekend about the old super models and their experiences.  It was good and I recommend it for people of my age because we grew up with these women on our magazine covers.  They were friends in a way.  It was called About Face: Supermodels Then and Now.  All of them said they had horrible self esteem back then and had to fight it now.  I have often felt bad about myself.  I get down on myself about my weight sometimes.  But it never lasts long.  That is a funk I can blow off.  Because the truth of the matter is if it bothered me badly I would have worked harder not to get chubby. 

I wanted the cake more than I wanted to be thin.

(mmmmm cake)

 

Now, I’m single and I’m 48 years-old and I need to lose weight so that I can maintain my health.  It would be great to look really hot too, but that isn’t my primary reason.  My primary reason is that all of my family on my dad’s side has Type 2 Diabetes and I had gestational diabetes during all 3 pregnancies, 2 of which required insulin shots, so I am a walking time bomb for that shit.

Don’t get me wrong, my weight did bother me, but not much.  My self esteem is obviously not tied up in the size of my ass.  

I would like a nice cute ass.

Like this

not this

not my ass

But when I get down on myself for real and get in a grand funk, it is always because of poor behavior, or realizing I didn’t do a great job with a patient, or didn’t give my best to my children or heaven forbid,  now I’m a divorcee.

And by the way, News Flash***

My chubbiness hasn’t really been an issue with the men in my life.  I have determined that if a woman has a sexy brain (feels sexy in her head) men still are attracted to you.  I think that a lot of women worry more about their body being a turn off when really they should work more on their attitude and behavior.

I have patients that have said to me, 

“I don’t think he finds me attractive anymore because I’ve gained weight”. 

 I always want to say,

 “You just told me you told him he was a stupid dumb ass, do you think it could be that?”

And I do say that, but in a kinder gentler way.

I wish in a way that my self esteem had been more tied up in the size of my ass.  Because I wouldn’t be in this situation now.  You know, the situation of being hungry and irritable.

I don’t want my girls to have weight issues.  But I also don’t want their self esteem to be tied to their looks.  They have some impossible role models.  I have heard my daughters on occasion lay bets on which Disney actress will be the next to go to the ‘mental hospital’.  (yes, they hear me talk on the phone way to often).  But seriously, several of them have been hospitalized for dehydration. 

And just look at Barbie!

This is a model that has been marked to show how Barbie’s 

proportions would look on a real person

For real.  

I’ve been on nest duty for 6 nights in a row.  Stanley and I did some exchange action with the schedule.  I’m off tonight and will be staring blankly at the TV and trying not to snack.

Screw you Barbie!