Swamp Ass

Did y’all see this?

First off, I cannot believe she hasn’t had that baby yet.  It seems she has been pregnant forever. Like elephant gestation forever.  And to prove my point,  this pic was posted on October 25, 2011.

If this picture was taken 4.5 months ago, then the naked picture must have been taken shortly after because she doesn’t look that much bigger.   Don’t even try to make me believe the nekkid pic was taken 2 weeks ago, Elle Magazine.  I am too smart for you!Congratulations to the photo re-toucher on a job well done for the lack of blue veins and stretch marks in the photo.  Honey pie must be the size of an adult moose by this point.  I am sure she is ready for that baby to evacuate.  I imagine those shoe/boots have had to be cut off her swollen ankles.

I have a friend that says she is “too dumb to fuck.”

Which makes me pee my pants laughing.

Poor Jessica will be peeing her pants when she laughs soon too.

 She will be joining the ranks of us pee laughers.

That includes me and Marie Osmond

Apparently she laughed so hard last week on stage on the

Donny and Marie Cruise that she peed her pants.

Back to Jess Jess.

So, she was on Jay Leno this week and said that her new nickname is Swamp Ass.  Like, I am so hot and sweaty in my bottom region I have swamp ass.

I get it.  That is when you are hot and sweaty and wearing Spanx.

(God Bless Spanx, AMEN.) So, Swamp Ass may soon be peeing in her Louboutins.

I’m probably just jealous.  I’m wearing Fit Flops.

No word from the Beer Monkey.

I’m deeeelighted.