The Manual of “Responses that Won’t Drag You Into a Conversation”

A friend of mine recently shared her story

 of what happened when she asked her husband 

if she should cut her hair.

“How do you like it better, long or short?”

His response:

“I like it on your head.”

Girlfriends were all commenting on his response,

as girls do, and another friend, Susan, said

she is sure that all men acquire at some point,

a manual of

Because they all sure seem to have a good grip on ending a conversation.

Seriously, there must be something out there since theyare all so accomplished at it.

 said he wasn’t going to betray the brotherhoodby giving away trade secrets.Hmmph.  You would think he would be more cooperativesince the 6-hr-breakfast-with-the-ex.

If there isn’t a manual, maybe they giveeach other tips while standing side by side at urinals.

Al says they never look down but maybe they talk…

No.  I bet there is a manual. This seems organized to me.

I think the manual looks like this:

Chapter 1:  Automatic Responses that you should never deviate from or add to.  Use the appropriate response to answer the question that it appears to be best suited for.

•   “No, your ass could never look big.” 
•  “Of course I love you.”
• “I’ll do it on the weekend.”  *Note, do not specify which weekend.
• “Yes Dear.”/ “Yes Poppet” (English variation)
• “Either way.”
• “Whatever you think.”
• “I like it just like this.”(This can work in most situations)
• “Of course it was her fault.”  (Proceed to Chapter 3 to distract her from conversation)

Chapter 2:  Delay tactics.  Use these when you know the gig is up and you cannot avoid the conversation.  These work for stalling for time only.

• “I left a message”
• “We will talk about it tonight.”
• “I’m at work and my boss wants to talk to me.”
• “My phone is out of battery.”
• “I’m putting lots of thought into it.” (This will imply you haven’t fully worked it out yet.)

Chapter 3:  Distraction techniques.  Meager at best.  For use in emergencies only because all have repercussions.

•  “You are so sexy tonight, I don’t want to talk about that now.”
• “Your diamond might need to be upgraded.”
•  “Look what’s on Bravo!”
• “You look so stressed, let me run you a bubble bath and get you a glass of wine. 

 The gig is up men.

 Chapters 2 and 3 will only work for a short time 

and now we’ve identified your game in Chapter 1.

We have to let them know we mean business.

We won’t be stonewalled, delayed or distracted.

We shall turn our steely gaze upon them

like the 

Eye of Sauron

in The Lord of the Rings

(I’m not saying what that looks like.  Seriously did anybody 

else not think that?  It’s a burning …)

and make them answer the question!

How do you like my hair?  

Short or long?