Getting engaged is fun.
I still don’t quite believe it though. I’ve told just a few people because we were in agreement not to make a public announcement until all 6 kids have been told. Plus, I had to tell Stanley. Al said that he wasn’t telling his ex. He says it isn’t her business and she is a mean pig and doesn’t deserve to be treated respectfully. Hmmmm. I brought up the point that if you co-parent you should keep your ex informed of all things that will impact your child.
He reminded me that they don’t co-parent, they parallel parent.
Which meant, “I’m not telling that mean pig any of my business.”
Okey dokey.
So, we set out to tell the children.
I waited a few days to see if the whole thing was going to stick. Then when I was alone with Jumping Bean in the car for an extended time, I just floated it out there…
“So, you haven’t really noticed my ring, but I wanted to tell you… last weekend, Al asked me to marry him and I accepted. Well, I kind of accepted. I mean, I want it to be okay with all of you, of course. I wouldn’t marry anyone that you guys weren’t happy about me marrying.”
(I was very nervous)
She looked at me with huge eyes and went,
One down, 5 more to go, plus Stanley.
Al called me a few minutes later and said he was having dinner with 2 of his kids, the 19 yo boy and his 16 yo daughter. His intention was to put it out there. He called me later and said that it went really well.
His daughter was all,
and his son was all,
3 down, 3 to go, plus Stanley.
The next afternoon, the other 2 of mine were in the kitchen, we were making dinner and all was good so I went for it again, with basically the same script as before..
My boy was all,
and Merlot, was speechless with glee.
That left only 2. The bad skeery 2:
His oldest daughter who has wanted nothing to do with me, and Stanley.
His daughter is not my monkey not my circus, but Stanley is my monkey… so.
Because I didn’t want Stanley to hear it from the kids, I knew on Friday that I had to get right on that. I decided to take the coward’s way out and send him an email. It was fitting really, since we decided to get divorced on email and most of our best fights were via email. I told him that Al had proposed, I had accepted but we didn’t have a date yet, probably sometime next summer. Then I told him that I had no idea what this would do to our house dilemma since I didn’t know how the kids would feel about him moving in if I decided to buy it so I had to give them time to process the news and see how they feel about it.
I was mighty nervous after I pushed send.
I sent a text to Al and a copy of the email. He responded that it was good and it would be fine. To be honest, he was sort of clueless as to why I bothered telling Stanley at all. But again, Stanley and I do co-parent, this will effect him. I was trying to work and frantically checking my email for a response, when about 3 minutes later, there is was. He said,
“Wow, Congratulations!”
Sometimes just when I think he is the biggest assclown on the planet, he acts right.
That left only 1 to go, but my circle was complete, I was done.
Later that same day, Al sent me a text, on the phone with daughter. Going well.. He called me after and said that it had gone really well. She said she was expecting it and that was about it. Then she talked about her life, her new boyfriend, and the 2 large tattoos she got on her feet.
Honestly, it was very anticlimactic with her and Stanley both.
He is coming in to town on Friday for the weekend and I guess then that we will post pictures on FB and start spreading the word. Stanley came in at 5 today for nest exchange and in front of the kids said, “Congratulations to you! Are you kids excited?”
Then he hugged me. Bizarre.
Al used to tell me that we were ‘going to outlast the fuckers.’
I guess we did after all.
Damn…and I was hoping for a gif of Al’s ex’s head exploding…
We don’t know if she knows yet, but I will be sure to update! It is bound to be awesome.
We don’t know if she knows yet, but I will be sure to update! It is bound to be awesome.
Sincerest congratulations. 🙂
It takes a village to accept a proposal! Congrats! (And your writing, as usual, is both poignant and funny.)
xo
D. A.
YAY!! Best wishes and happy times! Very glad to hear that there were no firestorms or falling apart over your good news. Now it is time to set a date and get ready for Divorced Moms first wedding 🙂
My ex didn’t tell me he had remarried for 9 months. He didn’t tell the boys either until he ran into them accidently one day. Guess by then he had assigned them the same place in his life that I had found myself…”not worth the time and effort.” He makes Stanly look like a knight in shining armor.
Next thing we know you will be writing about blending families 🙂
Thanks Everybody!
Yahoo for you two! Keep us in the loop about the coming together of two families. So thrilled for all of you…
Congrats to you and your family!
My remarriage had some similar elements. fiance called his ex after he told his son. I thought he should have talked to her first, but as your guys says, they don’t actually co-parent, at best, they parallel parent in accordance with a detailed contract. It went well on the surface, which is all I frankly care about with her. She’s not a nice person. His son was happy. He and my son have become the best of friends. He cooled a bit after he went back to moms but rebounded the next weekend and hasn’t look back.
I knew that I should talk to my ex first. We are friends and actually co-parent. I was surprised how reluctant I was. I knew that he’d be happy for us. He’s friends with my guy and there has never been any of the head butting that I’ve heard of between dads and mom’s boyfriend. I realized that I felt a bit guilty. I was the one who needed the divorce. In the end I had nothing to worry about. He was happy and gracious. Knowing the state of my father’s health, he offered to (and ultimately did) walk me down the aisle. My kids took it well. Our oldest was a bit cool. She’s a daddy’s girl, but once she saw that he was OK, she was too. Turns out the tough one was my mother ex in-law. I don’t think of her as an ex. She’s been a surrogate mother for me since I was 15. She said she was happy for me, but I could see the disappointment. I think that she was still holding out hope that her son and I would get back together.
Jenny, thanks for your comments! I cannot believe he walked you down the aisle! Wow. So glad your remarriage is good and that the sons have blended well. That gives me hope!
Thanks Cuckoo Mamma. Your blog is really fun.
The only thing wrong with my marriage is my husbands ex wife. She’s like that neighbor you don’t dare approach’s dog that barks 24/7. Nothing you can actually do about it other than hope it doesn’t get loose and bite your kid. I’m sure she has her reasons, but he didn’t cheat on her or abuse her, doesn’t really drink, and I didn’t meet him until two year after their divorce was final.
Things are going well, but I do see a storm on the horizon. Step son and son are buds and constantly want to do things together, even when it is not my parenting time. My ex is pretty fun and loves having him around. Says it tips the testosterone balance back in his favor (its even with our son and two daughters). They camp, fish, sail, go to the beach, and go to ball games, etc… Ex-wife WAS cool with it. She thought she had a kindred spirit with mutual ex’s. Run the ex’s down over a glass of Chard while the boys swim, right? Wrong. She figured out that I wasn’t a hated ex and that we are all friends and none of us find her PAS antics particularly funny.
Thanks Cuckoo Mamma. Your blog is really fun.
The only thing wrong with my marriage is my husbands ex wife. She’s like that neighbor you don’t dare approach’s dog that barks 24/7. Nothing you can actually do about it other than hope it doesn’t get loose and bite your kid. I’m sure she has her reasons, but he didn’t cheat on her or abuse her, doesn’t really drink, and I didn’t meet him until two year after their divorce was final.
Things are going well, but I do see a storm on the horizon. Step son and son are buds and constantly want to do things together, even when it is not my parenting time. My ex is pretty fun and loves having him around. Says it tips the testosterone balance back in his favor (its even with our son and two daughters). They camp, fish, sail, go to the beach, and go to ball games, etc… Ex-wife WAS cool with it. She thought she had a kindred spirit with mutual ex’s. Run the ex’s down over a glass of Chard while the boys swim, right? Wrong. She figured out that I wasn’t a hated ex and that we are all friends and none of us find her PAS antics particularly funny.