So after a few weeks of avoiding Stanley, he sent me an email.
It was ugly, mean and nonsensical.
All about how miserable he is because he is broke and how he has to take back fiscal responsibility. Which means we have to sell the house (which we will get nothing in this market) oh and by the way, since he pays the bulk of the mortgage he will be living in it while it sells and I can visit the children on weekends.
Apparently he has forgotten all about the court documents.
Umm, no, you can live in it the days you are scheduled to be with the kids.
I’ve been upset for 2 days. Can’t eat (a good thing), Can’t sleep (a bad thing).
Because even though it was stupid and he can’t do it, it still hurt me.
Ledge City
He must have decided (or the girlfriend did) that we don’t need an amicable relationship and that the stability of the kids doesn’t matter after all. Btw, he doesn’t even give Jumping Bean her ADHD meds half the time he has her. She got in the car on Monday when I picked her up from school and I could tell immediately and she said, “Daddy just can’t remember.”
(Looking for a picture of a monkey with his head up his ass)
This will have to do.
I’m too sick inside to be funny.
So after much shit slinging from him that I wanted the divorce and should have thought about the stability of the kids before I decided to give up on our marriage, I have sent an email saying that I want to talk rationally about compromises we can make. We’ll see what kind of response I get. I don’t think he is getting advice from anyone with half a brain. And I do think he is getting advice.
Oh yes.
New women do not like it that divorced men have to pay child support and have previous obligations. I don’t like it either that Al has to do it. You want your new man to have money! But I do respect that he has commitments and I absolutely respect the way he takes care of his kids financially even when he goes without.
Whatever.
I’m in keep kids safe mode and thinking about selling my gold and rings.
Anybody have any tips about dealing with this?
Ahhh, Momma. (((hugs))) You have long dreaded this moment, and I’m sorry to see you in it. It is not what you wanted, and for that, I’m sad for you.
I do have one tip: work with a mediator instead of attorneys as you navigate whatever your next steps are. A mediator’s job is to help both of you to find the best possible solutions for the kids as well as yourself, not to “win” (which creates a “lose” for one of the parties). Our mediator had degrees in law, accounting, and social work, which made her perfect for the job. We are both pleased with our arrangement, and I feel a great deal of peace that it puts our daughter’s needs first and foremost.
You are being rational and reasonable, even when he is not, and that will help you immensely. Stay that course, and it will serve YOU as well as him, and it will ultimately help the kids.
I am completely amazed by how my daughter is doing in the face of all of this, and so proud of how the three of us have created a pretty good post-divorce/move-out life, and if we can do it, you can too. You may not get to birdnest forever, but please know that there are other good options that might ultimately make all of you very happy. I have complete faith in you!
Stanley might change his mind again, so it ain’t over ’til it’s over. But whatever happens, please know that I’m cheering for you, adn that I’m living proof that it can be okay. xoxo
Follow your gut. Protect your kids. Try to stay sane. Chocolate.
These are my only tips, but I can also offer empathy – having lived on that ledge far too many years.