Today we have a guest post from the sweetest, most precious romantic man evah. My comments are in italics and I added the pics. One day, I’ll show you a pic of a young Al and a young Al Pacino and you can see for yourself where my fixation was born.
Many months ago before I became officially “Al” , CM gave me the chance to guest post here. To refresh your memory: I was married to the Bulldozer. http://www.thiscuckoosnest.com/2012_02_19_archive.html
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| Anatomy of a Bulldozer |
As you may recall the BD and I were very poor candidates for anything so enlightened as Bird Nesting. The fact that CM and Stanley ( Bless His Heart), manage to pull this off is mind boggling to me. My limited and always strained relations with my ex would have landed me in jail by now if I had to actually come face to face with her on a regular basis.
You are out of order! Out of order!
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| And Justice for All. |
We have been divorced for a year, and separated for 3, yet she still gives me reason to get down on my knees and thank God I left. The major bones of contention will come as no surprise to any divorced person: kids & money.
Like the CM, the BD and I worked out a mediated settlement prior to our divorce. By anyone’s estimation the financial terms were extremely favorable to the BD (I’ll say. Chick is on easy street). Since signing the agreement some terms have been followed more strictly than others. In most cases this was a matter of convenience for both of us. Over time though it has become readily apparent to me that the BD is very happy to be loosey goosey with the terms when I pay, but is a strict interpretationist when it is time to open her wallet. Her ensuing hissy fits are not nearly as attractive as the CM’s (y’all all know mine are gorgeous).
The real shocker to me has come with my kids. BD has physical custody (I have a very liberal visitation policy and joint legal custody) of my youngest two, while the oldest is already in college. Mind you my youngest are 18 and 14. My children are active users of modern technology and I am often the recipient of a late night text to the effect of :
“Mom is a horrible person & I hate her!”
Or from crying Child #1 a text that says,
“Dad, child #2 is sobbing in the park, in the dark, in the rain
(shades of Dr. Seuss here) because Mom is insane”.
There isn’t enough space here to discuss the pathology of my ex and the behavior that drives these statements. You will have to take my word for it. This isn’t normal parent/child conflict stuff here. When I talk to the BD about these altercations, she alternately refers to them as “ little issues” or “power struggles”. God help me if I ever felt I was in a power struggle with one of my kids. This is from the woman who famously (in my family at least) said to my mother:
“I never play a game I can’t win!”
Enough said. Apparently she thinks raising children is a game of power.
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| But with children. |
Certainly my marriage was a game of power but it took me 16 years to realize it and decide I didn’t want to play. Observing her power games with my children make me feel sick. It is badness to the highest degree & my only feelings of guilt about leaving my marriage come from the kids. I continue to pay for the house so that they don’t have to move. They stay with her because of the house, but I try to stay available to them at all times and they know I will come and rescue them from the insanity at any point. They also know they can live with me if they can’t deal with her. CM keeps reminding me that the house is the home for my kids and if they don’t want to live with her then she needs evicting and I get to move back in. At this point, I plan to give them all Purse Bricks in their stockings for Christmas.
Co-parenting with a BD requires patience.
Mmmmmmmmmmm. I’m needing a Godfather marathon soonish.
Thanks Al, sweetest man evah. I will add that this particular bulldozer was very shocked that he actually left her and I personally think she is eating her heart out that she screwed up so badly. Maybe not though. He says that she never ever thinks anything is her fault or that she didn’t handle something well (I can’t imagine, I’m always examining my behavior). Hence, her son crying in the dark in the park in the rain was a ‘little issue’ where I would feel like an utter failure and like I had lost control as a parentNow, I have been told that every Italian man’s favorite scene from The Godfather is this one. With my gratitude, my friend, for you, a tribute:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yHzh0PvMWTI
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