One thing that’s difficult for me in relationships is “hanging on to myself.” It seems that once I get close to a new lover I give in and accommodate so much that there’s nothing left of me. I’ve found that I’m shying away from dating and becoming involved because I don’t know how to stop myself from becoming attached and dependent on some guy too quickly. Is it even possible to fall in love without losing yourself in the process?
Yes, but for a woman who tends to lose your own identity when in a relationship, it is critical that you take preventative measures to avoid this reaction when falling in love. Your world can not stop turning once Mr. Wonderful walks into it. Maintain hobbies, friends, and interests that are independent from your budding relationship. Easier said than done, right? In the initial stages of love, our oxytocin levels are raging and we want to be consumed with our new mate…nothing else matters.
Well, I’m sending you a warning signal that you have to force yourself to make everything else matter. If not, your relationship is destined for failure. Being a dependent, needy mess is not an attractive quality. In fact, your man will run the other way. This behavior will be the downfall of every relationship you have until you conquer it. You do this by getting a life. A real one with purpose and inspiration for whatever it is that drives you. A relationship does not complete you. Its purpose is to compliment what is already a very full and meaningful existence.
So get to it! If you build it, they will come. As soon as you create a life that’s not dependent on another’s love for validation, you’ll actually find love effortlessly.