My lawyer and I walked out of the courtroom, the divorce final. Both my lawyer and I were feeling elated, it was a long acrimonious divorce and the judge had awarded the kids more child support than we had anticipated. I was happy, the judge stated in the courtroom that she knew my ex was committing disability fraud and that there were no doubts that he was working while collecting disability and due to the additional work, she was awarding the kids an amount of child support that compensated for the additional money she was confident he collected each month.
I couldn’t believe it when she said all that from the bench then she put it in writing. It was official, life was going to be easier than I expected financially. I hugged my lawyer and told him how much I loved him.
A few weeks later, I still hadn’t received a check from the kids’ dad for child support so I called my lawyer. He said he would check on it. A couple of weeks after that, the kids’ dad was picking them up for visitation and he handed me a cashier’s check. I waited until he left and then I looked at the check – it was for less than half of the court-ordered child support. I sent him a text and told him I understood that child support was something new and I would work with him but could he let me know when to expect the remaining amount. He responded by saying I needed to talk to my lawyer.
So I called my lawyer, then emailed him a copy of the text message from my ex. My lawyer was confused, he sent an email to my ex’s lawyer and asked about the remaining child support. He received a response saying that lawyer no longer represented my ex. It took a few days, but we finally found out who my ex’s new lawyer was, then a few more days and we received a response from his new lawyer. They had gone behind our backs, gone to a different judge (not supposed to happen in our county, you are supposed to always have the same judge), and gotten the child support reduced to the dependent portion of the disability he collects (fraudulently).
My lawyer was livid, he wasn’t notified of the hearing, they went to a different judge and the second judge completely ignored the fact that my ex works in addition to collecting disability. This judge simply enforced an old (like 1960’s) law that states when a non-custodial parent is on disability their child support payments cannot be in excess of the dependent support awarded by Social Security.
The support payments are a slap in the face. Four dependent children, two of them with significant medical expenses. The amount of support we receive doesn’t even cover the payment on my very high mileage vehicle. I was having to work hard to bring in extra income to cover our expenses.
In addition to the reduction of child support we learned no court will enforce the medical bills (supposed to be split 50/50) because he collects disability. The rules are completely different because he hides under the protection of being “disabled” even though he repairs cell phone and radio towers on the side, rebuilds tractors, four wheelers, semi’s, and installs hardwood floors, etc. You name it, he is doing it.
Debt collectors wear my phone out because he doesn’t make payments on any of the marital debt that was split 50/50. Nope they cannot garnish his disability check. So as long as he refuses to get a job with a regular paycheck, as long as he works the system and gets paid cash under the table, the debt collectors require I pay his half and my half. Divorce decrees do not make one bit of difference to debt collectors.
Instead of the financial aspect of life being easier than we anticipated, things have been much more difficult. The lesson learned: Child Support isn’t a sure thing. Don’t count on it to pay your living expenses.
I am a father, not a paycheck. I am a parent, not a babysitter. Support 50/50 parenting and an end to default child support.
Brian,
I am sorry that you feel this way. Had you read the article you would realize I was not discussing default child support. Each divorce is unique, I am a firm believer that each situation should be decided based on the supporting facts. In my situation, this meant the children live with me.
There are a definitely situations where the non-custodial Parent (male or female) should be given more time with their children. I agree with you on this.
Thank you for taking the time to read and hopefully you will realize there is more to this situation than simply default child support.
I wish you the best in your divorce recovery process.
This article is COMPLETELY biased, and makes mothers everywhere look like greedy, self righteous parents who are completely inconsiderate to their children and to their ex. This country is in DESPERATE need of child support reform, and needs to let go of the social and judicial stigma towards ‘non custodial’ parents.
I believe that the current child support system is fair…. when calculating support paid by parents who have no interest in seeing their children, or sharing any parental responsibilities. If you’re just going to abandon your children, or provide and care for them less than 50% of the time, then you need to balance out the difference where finances are concerned. The reform is needed in the case of equally shared custody.
My husband divorced his unfaithful, ungrateful, and lazy wife, who REFUSED to work while they were married, spent his money while he put himself through school and worked two jobs on top of that in order to provide for his family. He would come home after a 14-16 hour day between work and school to a trashed house, children who hadn’t yet been fed, and no sooner than he was in the door, she was leaving for ‘her mother’s house’ (i.e., whoever she was sleeping with that week). During the divorce, he INSISTED on 50/50 custody, but she was also awarded child support payments through the court, in the amount of $600 a month. Let’s do the math, shall we? She makes $21,840 annually, whereas he makes $21,736 annually. $600 a month translates to $7,200 a year, which adjusts HER annual income to $29,040, and adjusts HIS annual income to $14,536. Meanwhile, both parental parties are STILL providing for the three children included in the child support case 50% of the time. Essentially, my husband (and consequently, myself, given that the financial difference has to come from SOMEWHERE), are paying to support the children when they’re in our care AND when they’re with their mother. He lost his job last summer when the company he worked for went bankrupt and closed, and his entire tax return was taken to pay for arrears, and he got laid off AGAIN this spring when they shut down his entire department. They’re still taking the $600/month out of his unemployment checks, which leaves him with $218 a week. He filed for an adjustment, but as we all know, that process takes longer than some periods of unemoyment last (assuming the unemployed person is actively looking for work, and not just trying to live off the system), and if you find employment before the adjustment takes place, they implement NO adjustments to compensate for the difference. I myself have a child from a precious relationship, and he is suffering from this situation as well. My husband briefly tried working a second job to supplement our household income, but she caught wind of his additional employment in a HURRY, and filed for an adjustment. After the additional child support was taken out of his secondary income, we decided that the amount of time he spent away from his family just wasn’t worth the small sum of money we had left after she was awarded ‘her fair share’. Those were HER words, verbatim. The children are CONSTANTLY blaming and resenting us because we don’t buy them things, order them pizza, or take them to the movies, the fair, vacations, etc. like their mother does.
Through all of this, his ex-wife still insists that we pay for things like school clothes/supplies, extra curricular activities, shoes, field trips, school registration fees, basically everything extra, and has gleefully disclosed that she is saving up money for a breast augmentation. Not a college fund for the kids, or perhaps for cars when they are old enough, but a cosmetic enhancement FOR HERSELF. This is where reform is necessary.
To those who claim that child support isn’t running obligors broke, you’ve never walked in our shoes. As tightly as everyone grips the outdated stigma of ‘deadbeat dads who just don’t want to pay because they dislike their ex’, society just chooses to understate (or ignore completely) the stereotype of the greedy, entitled ex (typically the mother), who is not interested in what is best for the children ALL of the time (not just the time they’re under her care), but is more concerned with how much more she can get, every step of the way, and who takes vindictive comfort in the fact that her ex is struggling financially, while she looks like mother of the year in the eyes of her kids (or, in the case of the mother who spends the support payments on herself, lives a VERY comfortable lifestyle, complete with nail appointments and tanning sessions).
Parents who are TRULY absent in their children’s lives (not the COURT’S definition of an ‘absent parent’), should be held accountable through the child support system. But why on EARTH should a parent who CHOOSES to support their children 50% of the time be forced to pay the other parent, who is putting in just as many parenting hours as they are?? THIS is where a change needs to be made. The current system is taking children out of a broken, unhappy, unhealthy household by way of divorce, and is plunking them down in two separate households, one where they are well provided for, and one where they do not get nearly as much, or, in worse scenarios, awarding fathers a MINIMUM amount of visitation, if any at all. How does any of this benefit the kids??? Frankly speaking, (and for the purpose of clearly making my point, we’ll use the example of the divorced mother receiving child support, as is the case 9 times out of 10), mothers receiving child support have fathers by the balls, and we need to strip them of their ability to squeeze as hard as they want, whenever they want. If the father is considerably wealthier than the mother, then yes, that needs to be taken into consideration as well, but the child support system needs to start THOROUGHLY looking into each case and the circumstances involved/surrounding it. Enough of this ‘standard formula’ bullshit. In a lot of cases, the standard formula does not apply, and it skews things so unfairly. And when one parent’s finances suffers, the children suffer in the same sinking boat.
This is is the reality of being an obligor who shares custody 50/50. And does this seem at all fair or beneficial to the children who need to be supported?? CHANGE. WE NEED CHANGE. NOW.
This article is COMPLETELY biased, and makes mothers everywhere look like greedy, self righteous parents who are completely inconsiderate to their children and to their ex. This country is in DESPERATE need of child support reform, and needs to let go of the social and judicial stigma towards ‘non custodial’ parents.
I believe that the current child support system is fair…. when calculating support paid by parents who have no interest in seeing their children, or sharing any parental responsibilities. If you’re just going to abandon your children, or provide and care for them less than 50% of the time, then you need to balance out the difference where finances are concerned. The reform is needed in the case of equally shared custody.
My husband divorced his unfaithful, ungrateful, and lazy wife, who REFUSED to work while they were married, spent his money while he put himself through school and worked two jobs on top of that in order to provide for his family. He would come home after a 14-16 hour day between work and school to a trashed house, children who hadn’t yet been fed, and no sooner than he was in the door, she was leaving for ‘her mother’s house’ (i.e., whoever she was sleeping with that week). During the divorce, he INSISTED on 50/50 custody, but she was also awarded child support payments through the court, in the amount of $600 a month. Let’s do the math, shall we? She makes $21,840 annually, whereas he makes $21,736 annually. $600 a month translates to $7,200 a year, which adjusts HER annual income to $29,040, and adjusts HIS annual income to $14,536. Meanwhile, both parental parties are STILL providing for the three children included in the child support case 50% of the time. Essentially, my husband (and consequently, myself, given that the financial difference has to come from SOMEWHERE), are paying to support the children when they’re in our care AND when they’re with their mother. He lost his job last summer when the company he worked for went bankrupt and closed, and his entire tax return was taken to pay for arrears, and he got laid off AGAIN this spring when they shut down his entire department. They’re still taking the $600/month out of his unemployment checks, which leaves him with $218 a week. He filed for an adjustment, but as we all know, that process takes longer than some periods of unemoyment last (assuming the unemployed person is actively looking for work, and not just trying to live off the system), and if you find employment before the adjustment takes place, they implement NO adjustments to compensate for the difference. I myself have a child from a precious relationship, and he is suffering from this situation as well. My husband briefly tried working a second job to supplement our household income, but she caught wind of his additional employment in a HURRY, and filed for an adjustment. After the additional child support was taken out of his secondary income, we decided that the amount of time he spent away from his family just wasn’t worth the small sum of money we had left after she was awarded ‘her fair share’. Those were HER words, verbatim. The children are CONSTANTLY blaming and resenting us because we don’t buy them things, order them pizza, or take them to the movies, the fair, vacations, etc. like their mother does.
Through all of this, his ex-wife still insists that we pay for things like school clothes/supplies, extra curricular activities, shoes, field trips, school registration fees, basically everything extra, and has gleefully disclosed that she is saving up money for a breast augmentation. Not a college fund for the kids, or perhaps for cars when they are old enough, but a cosmetic enhancement FOR HERSELF. This is where reform is necessary.
To those who claim that child support isn’t running obligors broke, you’ve never walked in our shoes. As tightly as everyone grips the outdated stigma of ‘deadbeat dads who just don’t want to pay because they dislike their ex’, society just chooses to understate (or ignore completely) the stereotype of the greedy, entitled ex (typically the mother), who is not interested in what is best for the children ALL of the time (not just the time they’re under her care), but is more concerned with how much more she can get, every step of the way, and who takes vindictive comfort in the fact that her ex is struggling financially, while she looks like mother of the year in the eyes of her kids (or, in the case of the mother who spends the support payments on herself, lives a VERY comfortable lifestyle, complete with nail appointments and tanning sessions).
Parents who are TRULY absent in their children’s lives (not the COURT’S definition of an ‘absent parent’), should be held accountable through the child support system. But why on EARTH should a parent who CHOOSES to support their children 50% of the time be forced to pay the other parent, who is putting in just as many parenting hours as they are?? THIS is where a change needs to be made. The current system is taking children out of a broken, unhappy, unhealthy household by way of divorce, and is plunking them down in two separate households, one where they are well provided for, and one where they do not get nearly as much, or, in worse scenarios, awarding fathers a MINIMUM amount of visitation, if any at all. How does any of this benefit the kids??? Frankly speaking, (and for the purpose of clearly making my point, we’ll use the example of the divorced mother receiving child support, as is the case 9 times out of 10), mothers receiving child support have fathers by the balls, and we need to strip them of their ability to squeeze as hard as they want, whenever they want. If the father is considerably wealthier than the mother, then yes, that needs to be taken into consideration as well, but the child support system needs to start THOROUGHLY looking into each case and the circumstances involved/surrounding it. Enough of this ‘standard formula’ bullshit. In a lot of cases, the standard formula does not apply, and it skews things so unfairly. And when one parent’s finances suffers, the children suffer in the same sinking boat.
This is is the reality of being an obligor who shares custody 50/50. And does this seem at all fair or beneficial to the children who need to be supported?? CHANGE. WE NEED CHANGE. NOW.
Marlena,
Somehow I think you missed the point of the article. 🙂
You state “his ex-wife still insists that we pay for things like school clothes/supplies, extra curricular activities, shoes, field trips, school registration fees, basically everything extra…” In your situation I would like to point out if these expenses are not court ordered then your husband has no obligation to cover them. Simply stop paying for them if it creates such a level of resentment in you.
Second, there are a large number of facts I did not put in the article simply because they weren’t relavent to the topic. My ex hasn’t worked a job in over 10 years. He collects disability for a back injury while he installs hard wood flooring, repairs cell towers, internet towers, rebuilds semi tractors, farm tractors, combines, all types of farm equipment, cars, four wheelers, etc. He is an amazing mechanic and is capable of repairing almost everything. He gets paid cash under the table for all this work because if he reported it, he would lose his disability (duh – he is obviously capable of working full time as a mechanic) and he would have to pay child support if he worked a real job.
He is the one who has our children on a 2 week vacation right now (they go every summer), takes them out to eat on a regular basis, has all brand new furniture, new large flat screen smart tv’s, new iphones and ipads, two vehicles, four wheelers, go-carts and lives in a gated community.
The four children and I live on my income, it is approximately 2/3 of what he collects in disability, not even taking all the cash he receives under the table.
I do not begrudge him. I trust Karma, it will catch up to him in due time. I don’t hate him, I have not taken him back to court to get the child support corrected or adjusted. I don’t ask him to pay for anything. Not even the things that are court ordered.
I believe the family court system needs to be overhauled but not for all of the reasons you listed in your rant.
I read all these articles on the internet and it doesn’t make sense why women do not think they should be responsible to fully provide for themselves and at least half of their children. There is too much entitlement with divorced mothers. They all seem to forget the women’s movement and the fact that they are grown adults who can equally make money for themselves. This is a shame and an embarassment of american culture.