Codependent relationships are a type of dysfunctional helping relationship where one person supports or enables another person’s addiction, abusive behavior, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement.
According to Melody Beattie, author of Codependent No More, “As professionals began to understand codependency better, more groups of people seem to have it. Adult children of alcoholics, people in relationships with emotionally disturbed people, people in relationships with irresponsible people and people in relationships with abusive people.”
Basically, a codependent is a person who gives more in a relationship than they get and holds onto the hope that their partner will change. Codependents enable, make excuses and make the relationship problems worse due to their inability to care more for themselves than they do their relationship partner or, the relationship.
Divorce court dockets are filled with people wondering what they could have done differently to save their marriages. If you are codependent, there is always something you can do to make things better, regardless of how darn bad a marriage gets. Are you codependent?
Below are 62 Signs You May Be a Codependent:
1. You know you are codependent when your therapists tell you to take back your life and you think, “I have to get a life first!”
2. You know you are codependent when you honestly think you can change your abuser and that someday your abuser will come through for you. All you have to do is hang in there!
3. You know you are codependent when things are going well but you are waiting for the other shoe to drop.
4. You know you are codependent when you jump through hoops and you aren’t even in the circus.
5. You know you are codependent when “I’m a Slave For You” is your favorite Britney Spears song.
6. You know you are codependent when you starve at an all-you-can-eat buffet because your partner can’t find anything they want to eat.
7. You know you are codependent when someone asks you, “What do you think?” and you are baffled because you haven’t given it much thought.
8. You know you are codependent when it is your birthday party and you go out of your way to see if everyone is enjoying themselves.
9. You know you are codependent when your motto is “whatever it takes”.
10. You know you are codependent when you get a sex change because your partner decides, suddenly, that they are gay. You go above and beyond to keep a lover happy!
11. You know you are codependent when your least favorite song is Mary J. Blige’s song, “No More Drama”.
12. You know you are codependent when you develop spondylitis because of the sack of guilt on your back.
13. You know you are codependent when your favorite childhood game was “SORRY”.
14. You know you are codependent when you love the cologne “Obsession”.
15. You know you are codependent when you have just come out of major surgery with the operation taking longer than expected and you feel guilty that your partner had to wait additional time.
16. You know you are codependent when you have 200 channels to pick from but you hand the remote to your partner.
17. You know you are codependent when you are told you are indecisive. You initially deny this then you say, “I am not indecisive…am I?”
18. You know you are codependent when you are from a warm climate yet you live in a place with a freezing weather 9 months out of the year because your partner has a weird fixation with sledding.
19. You know you are codependent when you apply for a job and the interviewer says, “Tell me a little about yourself” and you proceed to tell them about your partner’s love of hunting, skiing, and baseball.
20. You know you are codependent when you deny the first dance with your wife at your wedding reception because your mother is pouting in the corner because no one is paying her any attention.
21. You know you are codependent when you train intensely for a marathon and on the day of the event, you don’t run it because your partner is having a moment.
22. You know you are codependent when you apply for a “catering” job and your potential boss ask you if you have any experience and you reply, “Plenty”.
You know you are codependent when you hate country music but love the song, “Stand by Your Man”.
24. You know you are codependent when you think “Pleasant dreams” is an oxymoron.
25. You know you are codependent when your favorite Led Zeppelin song is “Ramble On”.
26. You know you are codependent when you could relate to the Secret Service for “taking a bullet” for protecting your guy. The only difference is they get paid for it.
27. You know you are codependent when you respect Paul Simon but don’t get it when he sings about “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover”.
28. You know you are codependent when your dad doesn’t give you any credit. He runs down your new fella saying he is not ambitious enough yet you are dating Pete Cashmore.
29. You know you are codependent when you apologize to your therapist for “talking too much” yet you are paying him/her for the privilege of talking.
30. You know you are codependent when you love the Beatles song, “We Can Work it Out”. It is your relationship anthem!
31. You know you are codependent when your therapist tells you to love yourself unconditionally and you come up with, “what else you got”?
32. You know you are codependent when you compare talking about yourself to The Wicked Witch in “The Wizard of Oz” losing the plot when Dorothy threw water on her.
33. You know you are codependent when you are attracted to irresponsible, rude bad boys who put you in your place and 20 years later you are still taking it.
34. You know you are codependent when your therapist develops writer’s cramp when you start listing all the things you hate about yourself.
35. You know you are codependent when you are raised in a “no talk of feelings” type of family and you tell your partner that your parents did the “best they could”.
36. You know you are codependent when stalking laws were written with you in mind. Get out from behind that bush!
37. You know you are codependent when the school bully takes your lunch money every day for a year but you forgive him because he has had a tough time of it at home.
38. You know you are codependent when your partner gives you flowers every time he cheats on you and now you have enough flowers to open up your own garden center. And, he is still cheating.
39. You know you are codependent when your drill instructor calls you a “no good, walking the dog, lowlife scumbag who doesn’t have what it takes” and you are impressed with his insight.
40. You know you are codependent when you easily forgive your parents because let’s not forget they had it so bad when they were growing up BUT you can’t give yourself a break on anything.
41. You know you are codependent when your favorite CD is Janet Jackson’s “Control”.
42. You know you are codependent when you have more issues than DC Comics.
43. You know you are codependent when you give great advice but you don’t practice what you preach.
44. You know you are codependent when you want to see your favorite group Santana in concert. You choose not to go when you see the name of the concert is, “An Intimate Evening With Santana” because you don’t do intimacy.
45. You know you are codependent when you seek out people who are emotionally unavailable. The irony is they think you are too emotional.
46. You know you are codependent when you work out to “If I Can’t Have You I Don’t Want Nobody, Baby” by Yvonne Elliman.
47. You know you are codependent when you can relate to a puppet because someone is always pulling your strings.
48. You know you are codependent when the people you admire are looked down on by other people.
49. You know you are codependent when your mother talks shit about you, yet you go out of your way to get her something nice for Mother’s day because deep down she, “really cares.”
50. You know you are codependent when you always reward your abusers for bad behavior.
51. You know you are codependent when you live by the expression “he isn’t so bad once you get to know him.”
52. You know you are codependent when you receive praise and scratch it off like a dog with fleas.
53. You know you are codependent when your mom tells you that you are weak for needing help and you think she has a point.
54. You know you are codependent when you don’t realize you have the strength to rid yourself of your abuser.
55. You know you are codependent when the title of the song “Sacrifice” by Elton John describes you.
56. You know you are codependent when you hang out at bars and attract all the damaged women who need to be rescued and, you think you got lucky.
57. You know you are codependent when you don’t do yourself any favors.
58. You know you are codependent when, after reading this list, you still can’t acknowledge your codependency.
Some might not appreciate the lighthearted joking tone you use; especially those that link to this article from the domestic abuse section of the site. Just food for thought.
I’m the author of this article. I was diagnosed as codependent 20 years ago and there is one thing I learned…laughter is an invaluable coping tool and healing mechanism. So, my advice is to lighten up and stop taking yourself so seriously. Loosen up that need to control others!
I would like to thank you for this article (as I’m wiping tears away to see). I can very much say I’m codependent but taking the necessary steps to free myself. Have a great day!!