Question:
My husband suggested a few years ago that I should get a divorce as he wanted me to be happy; he loved me that much, so he said. So after the 3rd time he told that to me, I decided to think about it and started looking at homes.
Things mellowed out after a while and I put it on the back burner. Recently, the subject has come up again.
When he found out that I was seriously considering getting one, and we were talking about what to do with the house, who gets what, how much is in the 401, etc, I found out that he took his life insurance out of my name and put it in our two boy’s names as beneficiaries.
I about blew my stack. Whether or not we were divorced, which as of now we are not, but his reasoning is that if he dies first, I will just remarry and give everything to my new husbands children!
“Can you imagine me doing that to my own children,” I asked him. I told him recently that if I did get a divorce and remarry, no one that I marry will need my piddling life insurance. So, since then we were going to go talk to a mediator but decided not to spend the money right now.
He has now changed the beneficiaries to all three of us, split 3 ways (250,000) not a lot of money I know. He thinks I am being greedy as I get the house, his 401K, his meager retirement and his social security.
What do you think? Should we go to a mediator and is this normal or right to take the wife of 32 years out of the principal place as recipient of this money?
Many thanks
Answer:
This is one of those “six of one, half dozen of the other” questions. Meaning, you both make good points. You both have an argument to stand on. That being said, if the two of you divorce, you will no longer be his wife so he is no longer obligated legally to treat you as a wife.
In most situations where life insurance is involved the ex-wife’s name will remain as beneficiary if there are small children to support. It is called securing a settlement with life insurance and is done in cases of child support and alimony. Situations where the recipient would lose income from the ex-husband should he die.
You don’t mention how old your children are but if they are under-age and dependent on child support from you their father after the divorce, then yes, it is not unreasonable for you to request that your name remain as beneficiary.
If you expect to obtain alimony from your husband after the divorce it would be smart of you to either request your name remain on the insurance he now has or, that he buys a new policy that would cover any payments you would lose should he die.
When you say that you will get his 401K and his meager retirement,” do you mean you will get a portion/percentage of those benefits? No mediator or divorce court judge is going to suggest or order that you get all of those benefits. You also don’t say whether or not the home is paid for. In other words, you don’t give enough information for me to give you a specific response.
Personally I feel that if you retain a portion of his 401K, retirement, the home and are able to draw from his social security then you are expecting too much of him and divorce when it comes to the life insurance.
When we divorce someone their obligation to us becomes quite limited. To expect him to feel obligated to leave his life insurance to his ex-wife is an expectation that isn’t reasonable.
Best of luck!
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