Almost every divorced couple has been there: recognizing the small bumps in their relationship, saying things they shouldn’t have, and until they hit reality, things had gone out of their hands. Releasing what went wrong in your marriage is a hard pill to swallow but so important.
When the dust settles after divorce, the mistakes we made, the things we didn’t say, and didn’t do; everything comes into plain sight, sometimes leaving us to regret the divorce.
We asked some divorced people to share what they wish they had done to save their marriage.
Listed below are some of the responses we got from these people:
I wish I had talked about my feelings to my Wife
“Soon after we got married, I lost my job. However, I didn’t tell my wife about it because I didn’t want her to compromise on the things she wanted. I wanted her to have everything she wanted for herself. I always thought it my responsibility to manage the finances and her needs.
Gradually, I started emotionally detaching from her. When she used to ask me why I seemed so distant, I used to shrug it off by saying, “everything’s good!”. Eventually, she started becoming distant from me also. Even then, I was behaving as if everything was good and there was nothing serious. I wish I would have talked to her about my feelings and the loss of my job rather than just bottling up inside.”
I wish I had taken marriage therapy seriously
“I was not ready for marriage and got married too early. As I was not ready, there were so many things that went through my mind. Societal pressure, the responsibilities, family, my career, everything altogether was screwing up my mind, and in return, my married life. My husband suggested we seek marriage counseling and fix the problems in the marriage.
Although, due to my busy schedule and my carelessness, I did not take it seriously. Eventually, my husband started realizing that I was not serious about the marriage and started getting distant. I still wish I could turn things back, go to my husband, and say, let’s fix this marriage together.”
I wish I realized that not fighting didn’t mean everything was fine
“We never had fights. I thought we were the best couple and had no problems in our marriage. Be it lack of groceries in the house or me coming home late, we never argued about anything. There was no passion in the marriage which caused a disconnect. We felt like we were in a formal kind of relationship rather than a marriage. We stopped talking and there was nothing left for us to talk about other than what was for dinner. I started spending more time doing my own thing and feeling bored with the marriage. We often contact a marriage counselor when things go bad in marriage. However, It is equally important to visit the counselor once in a while to check up on your marriage, just like a regular health checkup. Especially if you two NEVER argue.”
I wish I had understood my responsibility
“I have always been a careless person, trying to live my life to the fullest. I got married at a young age as I wanted everything to be “Cool” in my life. Even after marriage, I thought life was the same and I could be as I have always been. However, what I didn’t understand was that marriage is a bond between two people and you continue to live as you did when you were single.
When marital responsibility hit me, I started avoiding it. I blamed her for being jealous of my life and stealing my freedom. Even when she said she wanted to have a child, I refused because I wanted more freedom for myself. Eventually, she decided she could not manage the marriage on her own and filed for divorce. I wish I had understood my responsibility for my family.”
I wish we had gone to sleep together
“I wanted to earn a lot and give my family a luxury life. In a hustle to become rich, I started working long hours and coming home late. Even when I was not working, I used to watch late-night shows rather than going to sleep with him at the same time.
Finally, he started feeling alone we couldn’t save it. I think no matter how busy your day has been, it is very important to cuddle at night, talk about your day. Wishing the best life for your family is good but only if you have a family left for it.”