Most reveal they are emotionally unavailable men early on. If you pay attention to your gut and the red flags you will not only reduce your risk of enduring long-term misery, you will be more likely to find Mr. Right once you release Mr. Wrong.
A divorced friend of mine was recently telling me a story of a guy she had just broken up with who initially seemed like a great catch, but in actuality, he was an emotionally unavailable guy. She was chiding herself for not seeing the signs and wasting nine months with him, all the while thinking maybe something was wrong with her.
Sometimes we just don’t see things until they are blatantly obvious, especially, if the sweet sensation of love is floating in the air, or in our minds. The sad truth is, being in a relationship with someone who is emotionally unavailable plays not only with your heart but also with your head.
When it comes to matters of the heart, we don’t always know the outcome. Let’s face it, not every connection is destined to last. This is why we date, with the hope of learning about the other person to see if a match is possible. If you do fall in love again, it’s important to be with someone who is on the same page as you. All too often, one person is ready for a commitment and the other is not. Very simply, we sometimes fall for people who aren’t ready to become involved, making them emotionally unavailable.
Below is a short list to be on the lookout for when it comes to identifying whether or not a man is emotionally available. Ironically, most emotionally unavailable people are easy to spot, if you know what to look for.
1. He is preoccupied with sex right away.
Emotionally unavailable men are more interested in you being their conquest. They may tell you they love you and want to marry on the first or second date since they have no problem saying one thing and doing another. However, once you sleep with them, and the relationship gets real, they will become elusive. Your time together will feel insincere, and with each passing day, you will become more and more frustrated with their need to be elusive toward you and the relationship. Even after a seemingly intimate weekend, they can disappear for long periods with no regular contact. You will be constantly wondering what you did to upset them.
2. They are not dependable, non-committal and make a lot of empty promises.
Whether you have a work event, a new promotion to celebrate or they are your wedding date to a close friend’s wedding, they will surely disappoint you. Chances are they won’t show up without even a word as to why, and you will feel as though you have to make an excuse for them to save face. If the person you care about isn’t showing up to support you then they are emotionally closed off. People who really care will make it happen and show up for you…no matter what.
3. He is a poor communicator.
You have to work for their attention and they rarely make eye contact when they do talk to you. They ask the same questions repeatedly since they do not listen the first time you said it. They rarely talk on the phone, preferring social media, email or text. If your guy doesn’t call you or pick up the phone when you call, that is a red flag. These men rarely give you a clear answer when they do talk and they are full of excuses, which is why they prefer not to talk. You deserve better!
4. You give way more than you get.
Whether you buy gifts, make him delicious dinners, or take him to special events, they never say thank you. Just know you are never going to see the return on your investment. Do not wait around hoping he will change and suddenly shower you with flowers, love, and attention, because he won’t. Do yourself a favor and move on quickly.
5. He talks about his past relationships a lot.
We all discuss our past and many times it isn’t pretty, but someone who is emotionally unavailable belittles their former partners constantly and tells a long list of tales of how wronged they were. Their break-ups are never their fault and never take responsibility for the mistakes in their past relationships. They also may say things in jest such as they will “never marry again” or “never live with someone”. Do not for a minute think this is a passing phase and they will change their minds. It’s a clear sign they will never be available.
FAQs About Emotionally Unavailable Men:
Why is he elusive after sleeping with me?
Men not interested in cultivating long-term relationships with you will become elusive after sleeping with you. Did you hear him say he loves you and wants to marry you on the first or second date? If you did, you are most likely dealing with an emotionally unavailable man.
Why does he not show up on events important to me?
You are dealing with an emotionally unavailable man if you find him missing at events important to you.
Why does he lack communication skills?
Chances are you are dealing with an emotionally unavailable man if you find him lacking communication skills. Emotionally unavailable men would ask you the same question repeatedly because they were not paying attention to what you were saying. They avoid talking on the phone and prefer email or text messages.
Why does he not appreciate what I do for him?
Bring him sun, moon or the stars, an emotionally unavailable man will never appreciate you. If you have been waiting for him to change one fine morning, you are mistaken, and need to rethink your relationship.
Why can’t he stop blaming his ex girlfriends for the breakup?
An emotionally unavailable man will continually debase his ex partners to prove it to you that the breakup was never his fault. He will never take responsibility for his mistakes in his past relationship.