On the subject of men “trading up” for younger women, I think we can assume the wife didn’t just step aside, realizing she had reached that invisible expiration date on her butt. Some men don’t leave a marriage without somewhere to go, so when we’re on the subject of older men and younger women, we’re probably talking cheating and lying as matching bookends.
I always wonder, what do these aged Lotharios see when they look in the mirror? Do they worry about the potential deadly side-effects of mixing, I don’t know, receptor blockers and vasodilators with Viagra? And there goes the Rograine. No mixing that drug with a younger, fertile female or the second set of kids are coming out with hair growing out of their eyeballs and a few less chromosomes.
“The reasons older men chase younger women have less to do with sex and everything to do with a profound desire to reassure ourselves that we’ve still got “it.” “It” isn’t just physical attractiveness; “it” is the whole masculine package of youth, vitality, and, above all else, possibility. It’s not that women our own age are less attractive, it’s that they lack the culturally-based power to reassure our fragile, aging egos that we are still hot and hip and filled with potential. Inspiring desire in women young enough to be our daughters becomes the most potent of all anti-aging remedies, particularly when we can show off our much younger dates to our peers,” says Professor Hugo Schwyzer, Pasadena City College.
I’m not a therapist or professor of geriatric sex-related studies but, I am a woman who went through what is referred to perfectly as a Gray Divorce due to my husband cheating with younger women. I did the filing and I’ve done the crying, but in spite of ending a relationship with someone I loved more than half my life, I now see him as sad and an utter idiot.
Here are four things I would say to any older man chasing after a younger woman:
1. Go! You’ve most likely became a burden to your wife who’s held up her end of the bargain and a thousand balls including the kids, the house, the bills, the aging parents, your health issues, your bad decisions, your embarrassing conduct while reverting to behavior more identifiable with a teenager than a grown man. See how much the new girl likes worrying about your all too frequent colonoscopies.
2. While you may think you’re the envy of your friends with the younger woman on your arm, you are only advertising your deepest sense of failure. A girlfriend with a birth certificate the same year you graduated from college, or within spitting distance of one of your children’s grade school years advertises your insecurity on every level.
3. You’ve probably boozed away any sense of responsibility for your poor decisions and finding your self-respect may be more elusive than finding your hairline. Don’t look for it from the people who really cared about you. They may still love you, but the respect is sagging, just like your pectoral muscles.
4. You’ve traded your once life partner for a partner in crime. What comes around goes around my dear. Enjoy! I advise learning to live with regret. And, just so you can identify what regret is, (since you are full of self-justification, but devoid of any authentic feelings or conscious), that’s the feeling you get every time you write a check for child support for people whose lives you’re not really included in any longer. Breaking the hearts of everyone who loved you comes with a stiff price tag and not just a court-ordered one.
After my brother became a widower, he discussed his feelings with me about being single at fifty. When I mentioned something about the probability he’d begin dating “younger” women he looked at me like I was seriously delusional. My brother is a confident, well-adjusted, successful person with many accomplishments and talents. Dating a woman he’d have to explain the last two decades to while they were still being potty-trained, sounded like, as he put it, “pure torture.”
He’s now happily committed to a wonderful woman, vastly accomplished herself, mirroring his happy approach to life and who happens to be a couple of years older than him. They’re an anomaly I tell them, two people in their late fifties who found happiness with each other. It happens, but not a lot based on the guys I’ve seen online who say they’re fifty, look sixty, and desire no one above forty as potential dating material.
My brother’s also the avid golfer, who told me, after spending thousands of hours with other men on golf courses, that just about every middle-aged man he’s ever had the divorce conversation with has said the same thing after a few years with the younger wife or girlfriend they lost their family over… it had not been worth it.
Just like a new, expensive car, the newness wears off surprisingly quick. They just traded one set of fixable issues for another set, that with years in age difference, widens significantly. My divorce attorney pretty much told me the same thing, telling me he gets a good deal of business from husbands when they divorce their “trophy wives.”
Some men don’t just wake up one day and turn into shallow morons, they were that way from the get-go. I can now look back, because the view is unobstructed by my ex. I realize I fell for the very characteristics that would one day come back and bite me in the ass. I didn’t poach him off another woman, but I knew he had a Peter Pan complex.
Let’s face it, some men are stupid and, you can’t fix stupid, but you can divorce it. My stupid? I’m working on it, that and forgiving myself.
FAQs about Older Men and Younger Women:
Why do married men chase younger women?
Married men chase younger women to reassure themselves of their masculinity, vitality and to satisfy their aging egos. It’s not as much about sex and finding women their age unattractive as it’s about reassurance that they still have what it takes to have an affiar with a younger woman.
Are men chasing younger women insecure?
Men chasing younger women may enjoy the envy and attention of their friends, but cannot steer clear of the insecurity they reflect. Having an affair with a woman half your age isn’t a matter of pride but failure and insecurity on every level.
Is chasing younger women a responsible behaviour?
Married men who chase younger women reflect irresponsible behavior and a lack of self-respect. Their behaviors are devoid of any sense of responsibility and societal norms.
Will he regret losing family because of a younger woman?
He will definitely regret losing family for the younger woman, especially when he gives money to his ex and children in alimony and child support. You cannot go scot-free after breaking trust and hearts of those you once claimed to love.
Anyone who buys into the idea of marriage is completely void of any scientific education. Marriage is completely unnatrual. To hold a man or woman morally accountable for behaving as nature designed them is as ridiculas as holding a newborn infant liable for not being able to walk. The author of this article has bought into the unnatural society created concept of marriage and that is her real fault in life. It is and will always be more natrual for a man to desire a woman who is fertile over one who is not furtile. To deny that is to deny the genes that have created your body. I think women who feel cheated out of their “lifetime ‘marriage contracts are uneducated and unrealistic. In the animal kingdom there is only ONE female mammal species that does not die after it can no longer reporduce, humans. After you are past menapause and no longer desire sex, why would you even care for the companionship of a man who desires sex regularly? Get real. Go rowing, grow a garden, get hobbies. Let the man go because it is the natrual and right thing to do and stop complaining.
reading your coomment, you are all brains and no heart.how could any woman who spent several years of her life with one man not ‘complain’ when he trades her up for a younger woman. yes, i am not denying it that men are attracted to the fertile women over the opposite. but for the love marx, if a man knew that, why did you propose in the first place? monogamy is a choice, with consequences when someone goes against their own word.
Let the man go to who exactly? And at what age! At 55 or 60,so they gonna pull some 20 year old then. I think you need to get real love! A girl at childbearing age is not going to be interested in some, balding, middle aged, pot bellied pig? She wants a fit young man that can produce the healthiest children!!!
She is after status be it cash of fame, whether it comes bald or fat as long as the wallet is fat, the rest is not that important, its called hypergamy, women do it all the time
Rachel, Hollywood is full of gorgeous, rich women in their 20’s who dated much older men- Rita Ora, Florence Pugh, Jennifer Lawrence, Alicia Vikander, Lucy Hale, Scarlett Johansson, Dua Lipa, Catherine Zeta-Jones, etc. They didn’t need the money, and they could get any guy their own age that they wanted. They chose to date an older man. You need to get out more if you think beautiful women in their 20’s who have lots of options never go for older men. And guys in their 20’s tend to be very immature.
Whales, elephants are just 2 of those mammals who live on post menopause. How strange that you should base your comments on scientific evidence withount first checking if it’s right.
Please, just speak for yourself, Jeffrey, err, James, I mean “Jessica”. There are more men than young women, you know. If you want a young, fertile woman, you’ll have to compete with much, much younger, more attractive men. Unless you’re rich and famous, you won’t stand a chance.
im a blackman i looove bmww marriage where her and her husband work at a computer office and make 75,000 a day she deeeply and genuinley loooves her husband and he shows her love everyday they make 5 kids together she hates her jealous/envious ex across the street and tell the kids to stay away from the grumpy mcgregor across the street.
Brilliant comment Jasmine!
The whole article drips with feminist bitterness!
Yet as we know from fact the average marital age fap us 4 years with the man being older.
Of course it’s all dictated by biology, no matter how these feminist fools would like it to be otherwise.
When women hit their perimenopause in their 40s, their libido is gone. Men still have virtually the same desire for sex they had in their 20s though as long as they are fit.
Monogamy/marriage was never meant to last beyond menopause because for millions of years most people died before they were 40!
Reply to Jasmine, science dictates a lot of things in life that humans can choose to use as excuses for bad behavior from infidelity to murder. And you must be pretty uneducated to think that women don’t want or enjoy sex post-menopausal. Women by the way also desire younger men who don’t look like a grizzled baby with a belly, bald hair, wrinkled balls, etc, but while some do, many do refrain from acting like some animal with no control over their minds or body.
This comment section is full of anger, which is unfortunate – but I can understand how women come to this blog. Here is what I can offer – I’m thinking about leaving my wife. I’ve read a lot that has been said, and I’m not 55, don’t need viagra, or have a heart condition. I’m 37, in great shape, with an average endowment that has “granite” mode functionality.
I’m very good looking, and I feel my wife is very pretty – but on the plus side of average looking. She even told me I was out of her league when we started dating. Time has changed things, for the better for me and not so well for her. We’ve both gained weight in 7 years of marriage and 12 together total, but hers adds up a lot more. She’s a great person, hard working, dedicated to her career – and with my income, that affords a great lifestyle. But she gets angry a lot, and it has to do with me – because I’m not up tight and don’t need to clean the floors two days after the cleaning lady comes because guests are coming (that’s what we pay the cleaning lady for). She’s OCD about the house and chores. So I don’t freak out, or buy into the freaking out, and then I’m not helpful and an a$$. Lastly, she now thinks she doesn’t want children because her career is too important for her (we’re talking city job, capping out at $100k 25 years with pension – but it’s a passion).
But the rub is, I walk into a room and I can make eyes with every woman in there – likely even a few models. I met my wife when I was nerding it in grad school, had zero social skills and really the only reason I got laid in college was because I’m good looking – I couldn’t talk to women and was laser focused on studies, and really had little to say anyway. That social aspect has changed a lot for me though, and I really have great charisma if I’m not mentally overburdened. I’ve cooled it on the partying, lost weight and am in the best shape of my life – post 25.
So, I’m stuck here with an average looking wife with some extra weight (all in the apple bottom, I like some weight – just balanced), overdedicated angry manager of an immaculate house, who wants to work for the city for the rest of her life and not have children. I’m just not seeing the plus side for me, except for exceptionally well folded clothes and floors I can eat off of.
And, I catch the eye of anything 8+ in sight in Manhattan north of 25. What’s a boy to do? I could trade up on 1) looks, 2) T&A, 3) family interest, 4) income (career – if she’s going to be dedicated, at least be rich about it). I know dating isn’t easy, but with good looks, money, and some personality – I’m seeing nothing but upside.
Well, my friend time to end that cumplainsonship, what happens overtime with people is that they evolve, sometimes together, sometimes separately, in your case appears to be the later.
You both became different people and different things matter to you, so if you would like kids and your wife doesn’t, it seems you are at a crossroad in life and you must choose the right path for you since she has made her choice and your opinion does not appear to be that relevant.
Women tend to bank on “the devil you know” and most men just can’t be bothered as long as they get some from time to time, this however is not the path to a fulfilled life, its just an empty path that ultimately puts your happiness second to anothers
I would say if you didn’t care about her, you wouldn’t ask for help here. You want to feel better about your decision when deep side you don’t . I would say, have a few discussions with her. Write it down on paper and be gentle about it. Say you would really want to have kids with her. Then tell her you miss doing things together and it would be fun to work out or start cooking together (Healthy cooking) When she starts loosing a little, start compliment her on how beautiful she is. I can tell you, with a positive attitude you can really change things around.
I wouldn’t give up, you obviously stayed with her for that time being. Think about it, you divorce her. You don’t think she is going to do everything possible to get hot and stick to you? of course she will, and spousal support and other stuff she will take from you? I think it’s get you got an ego trip and feel great about yourself. But you know she might be thinking that about other men as well.
As for the cleaning, well one time clean with her or do something fun to distract her..
If you have an issue always talk to her about it, again key is communication. Or write it down.
As for the kids part, tell her how important it is for her. You can always have options of getting a surrogate or adoption or perhaps she will be fine with it. Then, you can do it the natural way.
I wouldn’t give up, just because you think women look at you. Well how do you know? You can’t read a woman’s mind you know. Sometimes they look because your there . Women like attention you know? A lot of times even when they are not interested in the guy they will look at them just to get attention or some flattery to feel better about themselves. It does not mean they like you.
If you want someone in your league, I think it is honestly your wife. There is a reason she married you.
If you want to live in fantasy try role playing with your wife, otherwise there’s porn for you or VR porn haha.
I wouldn’t call the towel in , from one guy to another I would try a bunch of times before you call it quits.
Remember grass is not always greener on the other side. Just so you know.
I wrote this over two years ago. I was still enormously sad; shaken to the core; questioning not only what had emerged as the truth of my 27 year old marriage, but the entire relationship. I still have a few moments here and there, but overall I’m very happy. I no longer have anyone manipulating me, something that only my co-dependence could have allowed. I do what I want, am what I want to be. He is declining in health; is a cartoon of himself; has no relationship with his children or his family which I helped him maintain. He’s not attending our oldest son’s wedding and recently caused huge problems in our younger son’s life with the influence of his wife who wants his previous life to be nonexistent. He’s made his bed and is no longer my concern. When he told our son recently that he was miserable and felt his alcoholism had colored his decisions, my son told him to seek help and to leave “his mother” alone. Thank you son.
as for me im ablackman i looove bmww marriages where her and her husband make 75,000 a day at the computer office they are 35 yrs old she genuinley and deeeply loooves her husband and he shows her love in many ways she hates her jealous/envious ex and tells their 5 kids to stay away from the grumpy mcgregor across the street .
Obviously this article was written by a old disgruntled women, most likely a feminist.
You sound angry old, pervert condescending! I think you are one who needs to have a wakeup call, as I am a person in office where the standards on women are aggressively changing, because of the near future, it will be a law, change into criminal. You see you are one of these men you are doing on here. oldman
So easy to tell isn’t it?
Bitterness in every line.
The real problem is feminism – the stupidest of ideologies because it denies wholesale, biological realities.
Women have destroyed each other’s lives for decades through these ridiculous ideas!
Your article made a lot of sense to me – the aging men who leave their wive for the “younger woman” often find the “grass isn’t greener” on the other side. I knew a guy who had worked as a marital therapist for about ten years. He told me the men who left their wives for much younger women usually ran into disappointment and a 2nd divorce.
I often wondered why these men got married in the first place. When I see couples in their 20s I often wonder if the guy will just leave his girlfriend when she gets old. I have become a deep skeptic.
With that said, I never got married because I witnessed a lot of divorce and infidelity among relatives and friends. I have cousins who are half-brothers and half-sisters where some were unhappily living with a step dad at various points in time. I know the blended family doesn’t work most of the time. So, I know it’s best not to get involved with a divorced single mom closer to my age. I don’t want to be the stepdad.
This leads to a dilemma. As an older Geneation X guy who never married, I would (ideally) prefer to marry an older woman. I understand where your brother is coming from. But they are usually divorced with children. This pushes the range of single women unmarried without children to about the early 30s at most (and still infrequent). This means the bulk of single who have never been married and are without children are usually in their 20s. I feel like I am forced to consider that range due to sheer population statistics – single women without children closer to my age just don’t normally exist. I waited to get married – maybe too long. The pragmatism doesn’t leave much options above age 30.
If the grass looks greener, it’s probably because it’s constantly being fertilized with bullshit.
This article is written based on one person’s story. No problem with that, the problem is the author tries to convince everyone that any man who leaves his Wife for a younger Woman is stupid, and just like her ex-husband. In other words, this author just showed WHY many Men leave their Wives or are sick of putting up with this kind of attitude. The “woah is me, I’m a Woman and Men are dumb” crap doesn’t work so well when you’re 60 and alone, does it?
It’s only your false societal programming that makes you think it’s evil for older Men to be with younger Women. And true to form, this article stays right on track with that and includes the double standards Women love to surround themselves with. Allow me to throw in a logical perspective: Over half of marriages end in divorce. Of the ones that remain, how many of those do you think are just “hanging in there”? The statistics speak for themselves, yet people are trying to continually create this Disney-like fairy tale. In this country, it’s FAILING miserably. And if you think the Millenials are going to somehow turn that around I have ocean front property in Arizona for you.
BTW I’m happily married for 16 years and my Wife agrees with me completely. Most people try to work hard on their marriage before they’ve worked hard on THEMSELVES. Hence they never should have gotten married and especially had children, they simply are not ready. But, that’s why they call it programming. It works!
You’re happily married yet here you are commenting on a site for divorced women? Happily married men don’t land on sites for divorced women. Also, the divorce rate is not over 50 percent. It’s a little over 40 percent for most couples based on education and income. The divorce rate for second marriages is 67 percent which goes a long way in proving that men who leave for younger women, in the end, wind up with a wife they aren’t all that happy with again. Your comment has just proven that some men are dumb.
The younger gal will adore his full set of credit cards but not his full set of dentures! And when those cards start to reach beyond the limit and his capacity to fund them anymore…….SHE will decide, without any scruples whatsoever, that HE has reached the limit. In every department. Bye bye you third-rate, has-been, bargain basement Casanova!
Suddenly leaving a decades-long, happy marriage could also be the onset of a common, but under-recognized young-onset dementia called frontotemporal dementia, which is often misdiagnosed as a psychiatric or personality order or dismissed as a “midlife crisis.”
Poor judgment, impulsiveness, wild spending and hypersexuality (having affairs, hiring prostitutes or watching a lot of porn) and increased drinking are also signs of this disease.
I just read through most of the replies and holding my hand up and saying I’m one of those exact guys. There is always two sides to every story that’s the first point and second one is I am very happy right now with the outcome will I be in the next years no idea but that is the same for everyone in any circumstances of life.
For sure my hair is getting less and my belly not smaller and I’m definitely not happy about that.
Live life for today becomes very much the thought path of most people.
Did that guy really say anything 8+? Yeah, that’s not creepy at all!!!! Pervert!
I love how no woman in the known universe has ever done any wrong. Maybe if you weren’t being a constant hctib and giving up no yssup then maybe he would have stayed. Be advised ladies. The droids are coming. lol
The droids are coming? We’re shaking in our thigh-high boots! Just kidding…let them come. Take your Jedi mind tricks, droids and whatever other Star Wars reference you can come up and go play with your toys little boy.
As he went away, the fox remarked ‘Oh, you aren’t even ripe yet! I don’t need any sour grapes.’
I just found out that my ex, after 32 yrs of marriage, is living with a 30 yr old. When he left, less than a year ago, he said he had never had the chance to live alone and was looking forward to it. Less than 6 months into the lease on his apartment, he’s moved into her place. This essay states my feelings about the situation exactly. Sad and an utter idiot.
Same he says alone but betting I will see the same in 6 months
You’re menopausal then, and likely have no libido.
Your ex still desires sex and younger women have much higher libidos.
Sorry love, but you either put the effort in sexually or accept that a healthy man will find sex elsewhere.
Oof Level 11/10
If you are madly in love with somebody, it is easy to grow old with them. Especially when you absolutely cherish each others company, and years later your are still extremely compatible. It makes it easy for your brain and heart to go against human nature and genetics.
But if you don’t get along each and every day it isn’t possible to stay in love for years. Men and Women both stray because of this, it isn’t limited to just men.
If you did everything you could, recognized your faults, went to counseling, etc:
Sure blame them.
But if you made no effort at it, deprived your SO, Acted like an emotional vampire, tried to change your SO:
Blame yourself.
Learn from it, and move forward. Being bitter and resenting it for the rest of your life is no way to live.
I’m 24 years younger then my partner, he started relationship with me while divorcing his wife of very close age to his,so I’m the younger woman that he so called left for…
Exept his previous relationship was dead misery and was finished by the time I came on scene.
His wife was just using him to live her cosy easy life and gave nothing back in any way…this was the reason why he looked my way…if he was happy in his current relationship, he would not leave.
People change as they age and every case is different but usually blokes don’t look elsewhere if they happy with what they have…so it shows is not just their fault it happens..
Just to say that we have very nice relationship together although I would never encourage anyone to go for such large age differences…I feel in long term is going to bring too many issues and so can’t see it work well forever, but for now ,we are happy and what will be will be…will have to deal with it when the time comes.
Also to say that I’m very independent woman, looking after myself quite well and the reason I’m with him is not because he treats me as his sugar baby, but because we genuinely love each other.
Oh, sweetheart, talk to his ex-wife and you’ll get the truth about his marriage. Seriously, call his ex-wife and get her side of the story before believing anything he tells you. Bless your heart!
Here comes the bitter feminist response because reality doesn’t conform to feminist dogma.
This article just seems to be a misandrist hit piece that resorts to generalizations and blanket statements. And when anyone pushes back, the staff of this site show up to be condescending. Your response also promotes the toxic myth that women are never abusive to men. Abuse can happen from anyone towards anyone else.
I am a woman, and I resonate with this article a lot. I think it’s a good read, with the exception of the blatant ageism. I understand your anger towards your ex-spouse, but I think there was no need to make attacks towards older people by referencing things like “colonoscopies, sagging pec muscles, or hairline”. Would you say those same comments to an elderly parent or someone you regard? Society is way too judgmental toward aging in general (and part of the reason why many men see being with a younger women as something to aspire to, as it feeds their egos). And you are only promoting that further by making such comments with ageism. I really wish you had re-directed your anger to your spouse exclusively or all men who leave their partners for shallow reasons instead of attacking all older people in general.
That is not ageism, it’s the very opposite of ageism! I’m a woman over 50, I embrace my sagging parts, and wrinkles. Denying the reality of sagging pec muscles and receding hairlines is ageism!
Nothing wrong with signs of aging, I like women who actually embrace those signs.
Nothing wrong with a bit of diet, or exercise, wrinkles suggest people had emotions and fake lips remind me of bee stings
The man-hate is strong in you. I hope you’re in a better place now.
I must be the exception to the rule. I’m about to marry a woman half my age. I’m 63 and in great shape. She’s a very successful designer well educated and absolutely drop dead gorgeous. She has had a bad experience with a cheating man. I had a bad marriage with a narcissist. Both of us have been single for quite a while. Neither of us match any of the parameters in your article. I provide honesty, love and security for her and she, without the need for the little blue pill makes me feel young again.
You may be right. I’m just laughing because you are going to get skewered on this site with that comment. And it’s exactly the same way I’m getting skewered as a Republican on WAPO websites