I still manage to give my kids everything that they need and some of what they want. My children are provided for, loved, encouraged, supported and I give 110% of what I have for them. I know that I need to make time for myself. I am still working on that but I am in no way a “waste.”
My neighbor passively hits on me when we see each other. He is probably the only other single person on my street and makes the repeated joke “Ya, I was on mattress.com- um, I mean match.com” and he thinks it’s funny every time. Nice enough guy. He has every tool anyone would ever need and is happy to share should anyone ask.
Last week, after my 3-year-old played in my car (he loves pretending he is driving and loves my minivan, so I let him) he left the lights on and my battery died. I went over to my neighbor’s house and asked for a jump. He had a portable charging station and after getting my car started, told me to charge it over night so I kept it. Two days later, he stopped by to get it back and as he walked up to my house, he hollered, “Hey! It’s What a Waste!” Confused. Still smiling, I asked him to clarify.
“Well,” he said, “You’re good looking and yet you never date. What a waste!” Our conversation continued as I tried to ignore being called a waste. I tried to discern whether it was a compliment or an insult. As I talked with him and explained my understanding of something that most women don’t generally get (can’t remember if it was cars, construction or something similar) he said again, “See! You are so smart! What a waste!” Still unsure about the term of endearment(??) I thanked him for his help. I apologized that he had to come by to get it and that I hadn’t returned it sooner and that was that. Except it wasn’t.
Since that encounter, I have been troubled by it. I’m not sure why I haven’t been able to let it go. I have decided that even if he meant well, it was an insult. It is not as though I am an athlete who just tested positive for steroids. I am not a celebrity who was found dead in a hotel bathroom overdosed on heroin.
I am a mother.
I am a breadwinner.
I am a woman.
I am a caretaker.
I am a provider.
I am an advocate.
I am a nurse.
I am a taxi driver.
I am a chef.
I am a baker.
I am a singer.
I am a dancer.
I am a hostess.
I am a housekeeper.
I am a groundskeeper.
I am a handy woman.
I am a teacher.
I am a banker.
I am a playmate.
I am a seamstress.
I am the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, and Santa Clause.
I am a clown.
I am a prison warden (of timeouts.)
I am a therapist.
I am a party planner.
I am a private investigator (of lost blankets everywhere.)
I am a jungle gym.
I am a mom.
A waste? I am a single mom of four kids…with a job. Two of my children I have full time. The other two, I have half time but yet I keep making exceptions to accommodate their unemployed father to take multiple vacations each year. I don’t get one penny of child support and yet, I own my own home. I pay my bills. I have had the same job for the last 9 years. I still manage to give my kids everything that they need and some of what they want. My children are provided for, loved, encouraged, supported and I give 110% of what I have for them. I know that I need to make time for myself. I am still working on that.
But, no. I don’t have time for dating. No, I won’t waste my effort or time for a man who can only focus on himself. No, I won’t waste my time on another narcissist aside from the one I left behind. No, I don’t see my time well spent getting to know another guy who will not be able to provide for me, emotionally, spiritually or financially. I have my priorities and they are as straight as an arrow.
Please know, I get that my life, my children, everything is the bed that I made and I am willing to lie in it. In fact most days, I love lying in it. I am so lucky and blessed to have all that I do. I am grateful for my job, my healthy children, my home, my family, and support. I don’t see anything in my life as a waste.
I am truly sorry that my life doesn’t suit your desires but that’s why it’s my life, not yours and it most certainly doesn’t make me a waste of anything. My time and effort couldn’t be more well placed.
A waste? No. I don’t think so.
That’s not what it means. It doesn’t mean the woman is of no value without a man. It means it is a waste of good material in that there are so few good looking ladies running around.
What is all this poo poo?
1. I appreciate you. Valid. A man wants you to want him around. Pretend you can’t open jars if you need to do so. Nobody likes to hear “I am so aweome that I don’t need you’
2. I understand. Valid. Nobody wants to hear ‘Why aren’t you vice president yet? My friend Sally has a husband who is vice president and he has been working shorter time/makes more. Better to just say ‘I know I can trust you to provide for us. Thats why I picked you over lesser men’
3. Take What Time You Need. Sometimes men just want to be alone. This is called sleep. Men dont need down time to be alone with the thoughts with a bubble bath.
4. I Apologize – Please Forgive Me. Valid. I have a spouse who is never wrong about anything and never apologizes. It sucks.
5. You did such a great job. Dont really need to say you did such a great job. If he did something for you, he knows why he did it. He knows if he did a good job. Just say ‘thanks for doing that for me’. It makes my life easier. That is all he needs really. He just wants your approval. If you want to double up.. say “‘thanks for doing that for me, I knew it as a good choice picking you.’
6. You are sexy/hot. Men dont need this. Women do. Men want to hear you want them. That’s it. It rolls back to wanting your approval. If you want to go for that cherry on top.. just say ‘mmmm I love it when you X,Y,Z…” or.. ‘mmm ive been thinking about you coming home all day..’ It makes sound to him like he has your approval, you accept him, etc
7. Why don’t you go spend some time with your friends? To be honest.. most men don’t need this. If you are taking care of the things previously mentioned, he just wants to come home to you and please you. He would have zero interest in going out with buddies. He will get his ‘guy time’ chatting at work.
8 — Thank you. Valid. Not 100% needed if you do the other things that validate him. But if you are not going to bother to tell him you want him or need him, at least have the decency to say the same ‘thank you’ you give to strangers.
9. Tell me your dreams. Don’t care. They are interested in making you happy. That is their dream.
10. I need you. Valid. This is not reflecting of a failure in women. So many women cant say this because they think it means women are less. You simply need to tell a man you need him. Pretty much, even henpecked, nagged husbands are aware their wife goes to the poor house if he isnt there.. but it is nice to hear someone needs them and is wanted. Stop thinking it is anti woman. Do you think poorly of your child when they say they need you mommy? No. They are expressing they want you.
11. I believe in you. Valid. sure I guess. I trust you to make the right decision. I knew it was good to pick you.