Knowledge is power and love is blinding. Hook, line and sinker. Our love for another can cause us to block all of the knowledge we have ever gained in a lifetime. It could turn us into druggies. It could lead us to homelesness. It could cause destruction when the goal was the opposite. No matter how you dice it, the four letter word, love, could lead to another four letter word, hate.
Why?
Because love does not take into account personality flaws. It does not take into account what you think you know. We go in with knowledge and come out with no knowledge. No recollection on how we got there in the first place. Signs get missed. I like to say, “missing key s!#% (MKS).”
There are boys and there are men. All boys grow up to be men of physical stature while some boys never grow up. How so? Boys have a secret. A secret that girls never are privy to knowing. The secret of figuring out how to be a boy that is liked and becoming a man that is seen as a man. The hidden challenges behind this secret dictates the type of man he will become. These challenges aren’t taught. They have to be figured out by each boy. Sure, a boy can mimic his father’s role and personality to become someone he is not. He May even live his entire life as someone else due to trying to find the man within. He could give up trying to find himself and go with the easier route of being someone else because it works better than trying to find himself.
The challenges every boy faces is his pride, ego, and manhood or P.E.N. The confidence to have pride in self, the guts to be egotisical enough to win, and the manhood to stand your ground in your beliefs to be respected. These challenges mixed with accomplishment give you a narcissist on steroids.
So why do women continuously fall for these type?
What kind of woman is willing to play the role of the wife of a narcissitic man?
How did you miss the red flags?
As a girl growing up, there was a certain type of guy that you gravitated toward. Was he the fearless blue-eyed, blond quarterback? Or was he the chubby almost slim guy that wore bottle cap glasses and sat in the front row getting all of the answers correct?
The guy in the front row was usually the guy that had a crush on you but was too shy to approach you. Plus you ignored him. Being that most women prefer the position of being prey, this type of guy would always finish last with your type.
Back to the jock. The jock likes to win. He likes the feeling of scoring the winnning touchdown and these type of accomplishments build his character while the surrounding “fan club members” boost his ego up like a hot air balloon using hellium. The pre-narcissist walks with his chest out finding out more about who he is and what he is capable of. What you may have missed is that the nerd had the same personality as the jock but it was portraited in the classroom by getting every answer right.
Whether these kids had their father in their life or not they had to learn on their own who they were going to become; and having the prettiest girl in the school that every other guy wants becomes more of a shot of adreneline to the ego. Once the pre-narcisstist figures out that by the flick of the switch he knows how to win over the prettiest girls, win the game with the most points, and gets an “A” in the hardest courses, he turns into that narcissistic man.
Narcissitic /nahr-su-sis-tik/- adj 1. undue fascination with oneself; vain.
There are two reasons the narcissistic husband was your choice of man.
1. He represented protection.
2. You picked someone like youself.
I know that second one hurt, but think about how you pick your girlfriends. You pick friends that think like you and act like you to a certain degree. Then you pick a man who’s mind matches yours or it matches what you wanted to be like before you met him. Sure, he may be overboard but there are traits that you picked in him that touched your DNA and that’s why the red flags got missed.
The other is that you keep signing up with these narcissist because you saw the same protection and providing mindset that your father portrayed. Whether it was your father, uncle, grand, or step, the man in your life as a child set the bar for every potential husband you came across. If the bar was high, then every new guy had to jump off of a standing ladder to get over that bar.
Whether you had your father around as a girl or not, by nature a woman usually goes after the man that makes her feel protected or provided for. These guys are labeled as narcisstist these days more than in the past because the role of the woman has changed. In the past, a woman made herself available to a man that protected and provided.
Now, the role of a woman is increasingly growing to the level of a man so the ability to provide for you gets challanged. It’s only natural to feel that as a woman you need a man to protect or provide; but the other side of your brain that has to think like a man does not need a provider just the protector. Some do not need a protector either while some with an old-fashion way about them would like to turn back the hands of time to 1945 to eliminate the pressures of providing, protecting and nurturing.
If the narcisstist attitude that you married seems to be an issue when it wasn’t in the past, first determine the traits within him then do a self-identify to determine your own traits. This should tell you why and how you picked someone like you.
_____________________________________________________________________________
Have a legal question or need a legal document, about divorce or life in general? No question is too small, find all your legal needs here.
photo credit: Roy Lee B. via photopin cc
LeGrande, I need you to clarify something for me. In the article you seem to be saying that women become involved with narcissists because they, themselves are narcissists. Am I understanding you correctly?
Hello Cathy
Thanks for responding. I apologize for responding so late. Per the article, I mentioned that many times we choose friends, companions, etc because either directly or indirectly there are some common traits within us that we find in the other. So it is possible that a woman could deep down have narcissistic traits as the their narcissistic mate but at a different degree. Similar to a smoker wanting to date a smoker. They can be themselves. It could also be that prior to meeting the narcissistic partner, there was a self-attitude that was desired within self but never came out, but yet married someone who had it in them. Later in the marriage, it became a problem. Winning breeds confidence and confidence breeds followers and followers breed a narcissistic mindset.
Thanks for responding Gail. I mentioned there is a POSSIBILITY that you may have similar traits and pick those traits. It sounds to me that you answered your own theory. You married a man that had the traits of your mother not you. You married young so the closest person to you was your mother. Whether you liked her traits or not you were young enough to make a major judgment call without the knowledge you have now to not marry a man with the same traits you despise. Thank you.
Thanks for responding Gail. I mentioned there is a POSSIBILITY that you may have similar traits and pick those traits. It sounds to me that you answered your own theory. You married a man that had the traits of your mother not you. You married young so the closest person to you was your mother. Whether you liked her traits or not you were young enough to make a major judgment call without the knowledge you have now to not marry a man with the same traits you despise. Thank you.
Thanks for responding Gail. I mentioned there is a POSSIBILITY that you may have similar traits and pick those traits. It sounds to me that you answered your own theory. You married a man that had the traits of your mother not you. You married young so the closest person to you was your mother. Whether you liked her traits or not you were young enough to make a major judgment call without the knowledge you have now to not marry a man with the same traits you despise. Thank you.
Thanks for responding Gail. I mentioned there is a POSSIBILITY that you may have similar traits and pick those traits. It sounds to me that you answered your own theory. You married a man that had the traits of your mother not you. You married young so the closest person to you was your mother. Whether you liked her traits or not you were young enough to make a major judgment call without the knowledge you have now to not marry a man with the same traits you despise. Thank you.
Thanks for responding Gail. I mentioned there is a POSSIBILITY that you may have similar traits and pick those traits. It sounds to me that you answered your own theory. You married a man that had the traits of your mother not you. You married young so the closest person to you was your mother. Whether you liked her traits or not you were young enough to make a major judgment call without the knowledge you have now to not marry a man with the same traits you despise. Thank you.
Thanks for responding Gail. I mentioned there is a POSSIBILITY that you may have similar traits and pick those traits. It sounds to me that you answered your own theory. You married a man that had the traits of your mother not you. You married young so the closest person to you was your mother. Whether you liked her traits or not you were young enough to make a major judgment call without the knowledge you have now to not marry a man with the same traits you despise. Thank you.
Thanks for responding Gail. I mentioned there is a POSSIBILITY that you may have similar traits and pick those traits. It sounds to me that you answered your own theory. You married a man that had the traits of your mother not you. You married young so the closest person to you was your mother. Whether you liked her traits or not you were young enough to make a major judgment call without the knowledge you have now to not marry a man with the same traits you despise. Thank you.
Thanks for responding Gail. I mentioned there is a POSSIBILITY that you may have similar traits and pick those traits. It sounds to me that you answered your own theory. You married a man that had the traits of your mother not you. You married young so the closest person to you was your mother. Whether you liked her traits or not you were young enough to make a major judgment call without the knowledge you have now to not marry a man with the same traits you despise. Thank you.
Thanks for responding Gail. I mentioned there is a POSSIBILITY that you may have similar traits and pick those traits. It sounds to me that you answered your own theory. You married a man that had the traits of your mother not you. You married young so the closest person to you was your mother. Whether you liked her traits or not you were young enough to make a major judgment call without the knowledge you have now to not marry a man with the same traits you despise. Thank you.
Thanks for responding Gail. I mentioned there is a POSSIBILITY that you may have similar traits and pick those traits. It sounds to me that you answered your own theory. You married a man that had the traits of your mother not you. You married young so the closest person to you was your mother. Whether you liked her traits or not you were young enough to make a major judgment call without the knowledge you have now to not marry a man with the same traits you despise. Thank you.
Thanks for responding Gail. I mentioned there is a POSSIBILITY that you may have similar traits and pick those traits. It sounds to me that you answered your own theory. You married a man that had the traits of your mother not you. You married young so the closest person to you was your mother. Whether you liked her traits or not you were young enough to make a major judgment call without the knowledge you have now to not marry a man with the same traits you despise. Thank you.
Thanks for responding Gail. I mentioned there is a POSSIBILITY that you may have similar traits and pick those traits. It sounds to me that you answered your own theory. You married a man that had the traits of your mother not you. You married young so the closest person to you was your mother. Whether you liked her traits or not you were young enough to make a major judgment call without the knowledge you have now to not marry a man with the same traits you despise. Thank you.
I married a narcissist and I am NOT a narcissist but my mother is. I was very young when I married but I can’t get along with either my ex or my mother. I’m sure I picked him for certain traits but they were not narcissitic traits. Your theory is flawed.
Thanks for responding Gail. I mentioned there is a POSSIBILITY that you may have similar traits and pick those traits. It sounds to me that you answered your own theory. You married a man that had the traits of your mother not you. You married young so the closest person to you was your mother. Whether you liked her traits or not you were young enough to make a major judgment call without the knowledge you have now to not marry a man with the same traits you despise. Thank you.
Thanks for responding Gail. I mentioned there is a POSSIBILITY that you may have similar traits and pick those traits. It sounds to me that you answered your own theory. You married a man that had the traits of your mother not you. You married young so the closest person to you was your mother. Whether you liked her traits or not you were young enough to make a major judgment call without the knowledge you have now to not marry a man with the same traits you despise. Thank you.
Thanks for responding Gail. I mentioned there is a POSSIBILITY that you may have similar traits and pick those traits. It sounds to me that you answered your own theory. You married a man that had the traits of your mother not you. You married young so the closest person to you was your mother. Whether you liked her traits or not you were young enough to make a major judgment call without the knowledge you have now to not marry a man with the same traits you despise. Thank you.
Thanks for responding Gail. I mentioned there is a POSSIBILITY that you may have similar traits and pick those traits. It sounds to me that you answered your own theory. You married a man that had the traits of your mother not you. You married young so the closest person to you was your mother. Whether you liked her traits or not you were young enough to make a major judgment call without the knowledge you have now to not marry a man with the same traits you despise. Thank you.
Thanks for responding Gail. I mentioned there is a POSSIBILITY that you may have similar traits and pick those traits. It sounds to me that you answered your own theory. You married a man that had the traits of your mother not you. You married young so the closest person to you was your mother. Whether you liked her traits or not you were young enough to make a major judgment call without the knowledge you have now to not marry a man with the same traits you despise. Thank you.
Thanks for responding Gail. I mentioned there is a POSSIBILITY that you may have similar traits and pick those traits. It sounds to me that you answered your own theory. You married a man that had the traits of your mother not you. You married young so the closest person to you was your mother. Whether you liked her traits or not you were young enough to make a major judgment call without the knowledge you have now to not marry a man with the same traits you despise. Thank you.
Thanks for responding Gail. I mentioned there is a POSSIBILITY that you may have similar traits and pick those traits. It sounds to me that you answered your own theory. You married a man that had the traits of your mother not you. You married young so the closest person to you was your mother. Whether you liked her traits or not you were young enough to make a major judgment call without the knowledge you have now to not marry a man with the same traits you despise. Thank you.
Thanks for responding Gail. I mentioned there is a POSSIBILITY that you may have similar traits and pick those traits. It sounds to me that you answered your own theory. You married a man that had the traits of your mother not you. You married young so the closest person to you was your mother. Whether you liked her traits or not you were young enough to make a major judgment call without the knowledge you have now to not marry a man with the same traits you despise. Thank you.
Thanks for responding Gail. I mentioned there is a POSSIBILITY that you may have similar traits and pick those traits. It sounds to me that you answered your own theory. You married a man that had the traits of your mother not you. You married young so the closest person to you was your mother. Whether you liked her traits or not you were young enough to make a major judgment call without the knowledge you have now to not marry a man with the same traits you despise. Thank you.
Thanks for responding Gail. I mentioned there is a POSSIBILITY that you may have similar traits and pick those traits. It sounds to me that you answered your own theory. You married a man that had the traits of your mother not you. You married young so the closest person to you was your mother. Whether you liked her traits or not you were young enough to make a major judgment call without the knowledge you have now to not marry a man with the same traits you despise. Thank you.
Thanks for responding Gail. I mentioned there is a POSSIBILITY that you may have similar traits and pick those traits. It sounds to me that you answered your own theory. You married a man that had the traits of your mother not you. You married young so the closest person to you was your mother. Whether you liked her traits or not you were young enough to make a major judgment call without the knowledge you have now to not marry a man with the same traits you despise. Thank you.
Thanks for responding Gail. I mentioned there is a POSSIBILITY that you may have similar traits and pick those traits. It sounds to me that you answered your own theory. You married a man that had the traits of your mother not you. You married young so the closest person to you was your mother. Whether you liked her traits or not you were young enough to make a major judgment call without the knowledge you have now to not marry a man with the same traits you despise. Thank you.
Thanks for responding Gail. I mentioned there is a POSSIBILITY that you may have similar traits and pick those traits. It sounds to me that you answered your own theory. You married a man that had the traits of your mother not you. You married young so the closest person to you was your mother. Whether you liked her traits or not you were young enough to make a major judgment call without the knowledge you have now to not marry a man with the same traits you despise. Thank you.
Thanks for responding Gail. I mentioned there is a POSSIBILITY that you may have similar traits and pick those traits. It sounds to me that you answered your own theory. You married a man that had the traits of your mother not you. You married young so the closest person to you was your mother. Whether you liked her traits or not you were young enough to make a major judgment call without the knowledge you have now to not marry a man with the same traits you despise. Thank you.
Thanks for responding Gail. I mentioned there is a POSSIBILITY that you may have similar traits and pick those traits. It sounds to me that you answered your own theory. You married a man that had the traits of your mother not you. You married young so the closest person to you was your mother. Whether you liked her traits or not you were young enough to make a major judgment call without the knowledge you have now to not marry a man with the same traits you despise. Thank you.
Gail, I agree, the theory is VERY flawed. Narcissists choose to have relationships with people willing to be their “supply,” someone who is codependent and enabling of their bad behavior.
It is very rare for a narcissist or someone with narcissistic traits to attach themselves to another narcissist. The idea that women choose narcissists because they themselves have narcissistic traits is absolutely absurd.
Thanks for responding Gail. I mentioned there is a POSSIBILITY that you may have similar traits and pick those traits. It sounds to me that you answered your own theory. You married a man that had the traits of your mother not you. You married young so the closest person to you was your mother. Whether you liked her traits or not you were young enough to make a major judgment call without the knowledge you have now to not marry a man with the same traits you despise. Thank you.
LeGrande, at no point in your article did you say there is a “possibility.” And your article is not a theory, it is your opinion.
Yes Cathy. It is my opinion. I didn’t use the exact word “possibility”…I did say, determine the traits in your spouse then do a self analysis to determine if you had some of the same traits to determine if you are. It’s some reason as to why you picked him. He didn’t change who he was unless you married his representative, then he showed you who he was. If the reason for picking you mate were unrelated to your traits then it may have been advantages to pick someone more like you since you there is love for self.
Yes Cathy. It is my opinion. I didn’t use the exact word “possibility”…I did say, determine the traits in your spouse then do a self analysis to determine if you had some of the same traits to determine if you are. It’s some reason as to why you picked him. He didn’t change who he was unless you married his representative, then he showed you who he was. If the reason for picking you mate were unrelated to your traits then it may have been advantages to pick someone more like you since you there is love for self.
Yes Cathy. It is my opinion. I didn’t use the exact word “possibility”…I did say, determine the traits in your spouse then do a self analysis to determine if you had some of the same traits to determine if you are. It’s some reason as to why you picked him. He didn’t change who he was unless you married his representative, then he showed you who he was. If the reason for picking you mate were unrelated to your traits then it may have been advantages to pick someone more like you since you there is love for self.
Yes Cathy. It is my opinion. I didn’t use the exact word “possibility”…I did say, determine the traits in your spouse then do a self analysis to determine if you had some of the same traits to determine if you are. It’s some reason as to why you picked him. He didn’t change who he was unless you married his representative, then he showed you who he was. If the reason for picking you mate were unrelated to your traits then it may have been advantages to pick someone more like you since you there is love for self.
Yes Cathy. It is my opinion. I didn’t use the exact word “possibility”…I did say, determine the traits in your spouse then do a self analysis to determine if you had some of the same traits to determine if you are. It’s some reason as to why you picked him. He didn’t change who he was unless you married his representative, then he showed you who he was. If the reason for picking you mate were unrelated to your traits then it may have been advantages to pick someone more like you since you there is love for self.
Yes Cathy. It is my opinion. I didn’t use the exact word “possibility”…I did say, determine the traits in your spouse then do a self analysis to determine if you had some of the same traits to determine if you are. It’s some reason as to why you picked him. He didn’t change who he was unless you married his representative, then he showed you who he was. If the reason for picking you mate were unrelated to your traits then it may have been advantages to pick someone more like you since you there is love for self.
Yes Cathy. It is my opinion. I didn’t use the exact word “possibility”…I did say, determine the traits in your spouse then do a self analysis to determine if you had some of the same traits to determine if you are. It’s some reason as to why you picked him. He didn’t change who he was unless you married his representative, then he showed you who he was. If the reason for picking you mate were unrelated to your traits then it may have been advantages to pick someone more like you since you there is love for self.
Yes Cathy. It is my opinion. I didn’t use the exact word “possibility”…I did say, determine the traits in your spouse then do a self analysis to determine if you had some of the same traits to determine if you are. It’s some reason as to why you picked him. He didn’t change who he was unless you married his representative, then he showed you who he was. If the reason for picking you mate were unrelated to your traits then it may have been advantages to pick someone more like you since you there is love for self.
Yes Cathy. It is my opinion. I didn’t use the exact word “possibility”…I did say, determine the traits in your spouse then do a self analysis to determine if you had some of the same traits to determine if you are. It’s some reason as to why you picked him. He didn’t change who he was unless you married his representative, then he showed you who he was. If the reason for picking you mate were unrelated to your traits then it may have been advantages to pick someone more like you since you there is love for self.
Yes Cathy. It is my opinion. I didn’t use the exact word “possibility”…I did say, determine the traits in your spouse then do a self analysis to determine if you had some of the same traits to determine if you are. It’s some reason as to why you picked him. He didn’t change who he was unless you married his representative, then he showed you who he was. If the reason for picking you mate were unrelated to your traits then it may have been advantages to pick someone more like you since you there is love for self.
Yes Cathy. It is my opinion. I didn’t use the exact word “possibility”…I did say, determine the traits in your spouse then do a self analysis to determine if you had some of the same traits to determine if you are. It’s some reason as to why you picked him. He didn’t change who he was unless you married his representative, then he showed you who he was. If the reason for picking you mate were unrelated to your traits then it may have been advantages to pick someone more like you since you there is love for self.
Yes Cathy. It is my opinion. I didn’t use the exact word “possibility”…I did say, if you review the traits in your spouse then do a self analysis to determine if you had some of the same traits to determine if there were some similarities. There is a reason as to why you picked him. He didn’t change who he was unless you married his representative, then he showed you who he was. If the reason for picking your mate were unrelated to your traits then it may have been advantageous to pick someone more like you since you there is love for self.
Yes Cathy. It is my opinion. I didn’t use the exact word “possibility”…I did say, if you review the traits in your spouse then do a self analysis to determine if you had some of the same traits to determine if there were some similarities. There is a reason as to why you picked him. He didn’t change who he was unless you married his representative, then he showed you who he was. If the reason for picking your mate were unrelated to your traits then it may have been advantageous to pick someone more like you since you there is love for self.
Yes Cathy. It is my opinion. I didn’t use the exact word “possibility”…I did say, if you review the traits in your spouse then do a self analysis to determine if you had some of the same traits to determine if there were some similarities. There is a reason as to why you picked him. He didn’t change who he was unless you married his representative, then he showed you who he was. If the reason for picking your mate were unrelated to your traits then it may have been advantageous to pick someone more like you since you there is love for self.
Yes Cathy. It is my opinion. I didn’t use the exact word “possibility”…I did say, if you review the traits in your spouse then do a self analysis to determine if you had some of the same traits to determine if there were some similarities. There is a reason as to why you picked him. He didn’t change who he was unless you married his representative, then he showed you who he was. If the reason for picking your mate were unrelated to your traits then it may have been advantageous to pick someone more like you since you there is love for self.
The only problem with this article is you didn’t mention at all that a narcissist LIES in the beginning of a relationship. He portrays himself to be someone he isn’t by finding out what the victim likes and mirroring it back to them. Women fall for narcissists not because they themselves are narcissists but because what Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde portrayed himself as in the beginning of the relationship.
Here is what I mentioned about the lie. “…Sure, a boy can mimic his father’s role and personality to become someone he is not. He May even live his entire life as someone else due to trying to find the man within. He could give up trying to find himself and go with the easier route of being someone else because it works better than trying to find himself…”