Each one of us has had to deal with a narcissist at some point or another. Whether it was an ex, a boss, or a family member, dealing with a narcissist can be challenging and exhausting as all hell!
I get asked a lot, “How do I deal with someone that has to win at all costs?” Well, this is the million-dollar question in high conflict divorce cases.
Narcissists have this remarkable ability to make you feel like you are the crazy one like you are wrong for thinking the way you think, and for feeling the way you feel. It’s as if they have this superpower, a gift that plants doubt inside you that makes you second guess your choices.
How do they do it?!
Let me first paint a picture of who you are dealing with here. These are some common characteristics that define a narcissist.:
- Narcissists are ego-driven (meaning everything they do is to feed their ego)
- The need to win is a top priority
- They have to be right at all costs
- They need to be superior
- Their worth is tied to their achievements
- They need to control others in order to support the outcome they desire. They need to be seen as “the good guy/girl”
- They don’t think the rules apply to them
- They think they know more about the law than their own lawyer
Do any of these ring true? If so, you may be dealing with a narcissist.
Here are my tips on how to handle a narcissist:
Don’t fight back!
You already know that you will never win, and you will never get them to empathize with your point of view. So why do you keep fighting it? If they say the sky is red, then let it be red. Narcissists thrive on anyone that supplies them with the drugs they need, and that drug is “being right.” You will keep spinning in the hamster wheel of getting nowhere with someone that will never say to you, “You know what Amy, you are right, I didn’t see things your way.” And continuing to fight will only mirror more of what you don’t want, which is a narcissist in your face.
Let go of any expectations.
What do I mean by this? I realize some of you have no choice but to deal with a narcissist, so going radio silent on them may not be a viable option. If you have no choice other than to deal with this person, then having expectations will be the death of your sanity. Hopes that they will do the right thing, that they care about your best interest (or the interest of anyone other than themselves for that matter), or that they can carry a conversation that doesn’t have their own selfish needs at the top of their mind–IT’S NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN!
Remember who you are and what you value.
It’s easy to get sucked into a vicious cycle of crazy when you are dealing with a narcissist. You feel like you are continually having to defend yourself and prove yourself to everyone. You may continuously be defending who you are as a mother, as a partner, and as a daughter and friend.
Why are you defending yourself? Because a part of you may be feeling that they are right, or that you need to prove your self-worth. You don’t need to prove yourself to anyone. You are worthy just as you are, and anyone that doesn’t see it, well, they don’t belong in your life.
You need to remember what it is you value. Do you value peace and harmony? Do you value love and acceptance? Do you value REAL connection? If so, then put the gloves down, and understand that nobody can take your self-worth away.
If what you fight against you get more of, then getting in the rink with a narcissist will only get you more blows to the face. Narcissists need people to inflate their egos, so if you cut the supply, they will find another victim to feed on. Take the path of least resistance, and surround yourself with people that love and support you, with people that know your worth.
If you find yourself in what feels like an impossible situation with a narcissist, please take advantage of a complimentary session with me. I would love to see how I may help you navigate through this challenging situation.
Here is the link: https://mailchi.mp/efa3cb1f474d/complimentary-session