If you’re going through divorce…
Honor the struggle.
You don’t have to be uncertain or unsettled.
You can heal, find peace, and win in life.
My job as a life architect helping women rebuild, reinvent, and reemerge after divorce is to walk shoulder to shoulder with, invest in, and grow them. To champion them. To help them work their mental muscles to create unstoppable mindsets.
My greatest passion is helping women rip off the ‘shirt of shame’ and walk in freedom. To get there, we have to put in a lot of work to eliminate the residual impact of pain and trauma.
That’s because after divorce, our starting point is usually shame, fear, frustration, regret, and grief that comes from emotional, intellectual, and physical suffering.
Post-divorce, many women feel like they’ve lost their power, their voice, their womanhood.
They’ve gotten disconnected from their truth, from their purpose.
They begin to believe lies that would keep them captive to shame and fear.
Sound familiar? If you’re in this season too, I need you to know something:
You were born extraordinary.
You are fearfully and wonderfully made. You have an incredible capacity for love and peace. And you are worthy. SO worthy.
You’ve just forgotten. You have to rediscover your gifts, your talents, your self.
And that starts with decluttering your brain.
I’d like to help you turn your loss into leverage so you can build your dream life.
So I’m going to walk you through four steps that will help you start your journey from broken to empowered.
Unpack your mindset
Human beings have a tendency to obsess, ruminate, and sabotage, especially if we’re still raw from a trauma.
These patterns compile into one big messy thought pattern known as ‘catastrophizing.’ This pattern tends to exaggerate potential threats and keep you focused on anticipated harm or disaster. In catastrophizing mode, our minds go straight to the worst case scenario and we create an expectation of failure.
Sounds pretty crummy, right?
The good news is that we can deconstruct these thought patterns by getting to the root of them. Then we can recalibrate and reconstruct.
Unravel the lies
We describe the world to ourselves. We create our own narrative. That voice in our head defines our attitude.
Our negative thought patterns keep us stuck in anger, shame, regret, frustration, anxiety, depression.
You have to do the deep under-the-hood work to get unstuck from those patterns. The first step in changing negative thought patterns is awareness.
Let’s look at how you talk to yourself. What do you say to yourself that isn’t serving you? That keeps you down and defeated? Pay attention. Become aware. Your brain is an instrument. You can control it or you will become a slave to it.
Put shame in her place
Shame is the most corrosive of human emotions.
Shame is the intensely painful feeling of believing we’re flawed and unworthy.
Shame will shut you down and show up in your life in so many destructive ways. Shame is linked to addiction, violence, aggression, depression, eating disorders, and bullying.
Here’s the thing: the less we talk about shame, the more power it has in our lives.
If we speak it, name it…we cut it off at the knees.
You have a choice – you can choose to feel like a failure or you can refuse to be shame’s hostage.
We have to become aware of our shame triggers. When you feel shame settle over you, identify the feeling behind it.
Then, give yourself compassion. Be actively kind to yourself. Be your own champion.
Dive deep into decluttering your mind
How do you find peace post-separation?
The majority of marriages were over before they began. Think about that. When you take two people that were never really aligned or whole to begin with, you’ve got trouble on your hands. Most people don’t get clear on their expectations or their love languages…they don’t heal from past pains and declutter their minds, and they end up paying for it.
If you don’t program your mind, you become a slave to it. It’s estimated that 80-90% of your thinking is not only repetitive and useless, it’s also dysfunctional and negative.
When you’re in danger or stressed out, your body drops cortisol. When you catastrophize, cortisol becomes a constant drip and over time affects your memory, learning, weight, mental and physical health, etc. You can become an addict.
If you’ve never addressed your past, then pain from your past is living in your body. Pain is self-perpetuated; it feeds on pain.
But it cannot feed on joy and gratitude.
Peace is in the present. So why wouldn’t you want to train your brain to be in the present too?
Take a minute. Breathe. Clear your mind and create space to heal.
You can rebuild your life after divorce. And it starts with learning who you are. Use these four tips to ‘flip the script’; to rebuild your life, reinvent your story, and reemerge stronger than ever before.
I love this article! I divorced 20 years ago and can relate with so much that write about. Now I too want to help women believe in their power. Love this!