How To Protect Your Kids' Self-Esteem During Divorce

Divorce has the potential to be a huge negative force in children’s lives. No child, no matter their age, wants to know they are the product of a broken family. The prospect of divorce gives rise to a number of uncertainties, and can undermine your kids’ own sense of self-confidence. In some cases, they might even consider they were the cause of a divorce which can drive self-esteem down even further. It’s your responsibility as a parent to help ease them through this process and keep their sense of worth and esteem intact. Here are a few ways to increase positive attitudes and keep kids feeling secure during a divorce.

Taking Responsibility

Since it is the parents seeking divorce, it’s important to explain the matter to children in terms they’ll understand. While explaining the reasons for the divorce, a parent will need to make it clear the kids themselves are not the underlying cause. Leaving the matter unclear can lead a child down the dark road of thinking they are ultimately the reason for the divorce taking place. Making the child understand that the reasons for splitting arise from other sources will help the problem more varied or complex than they might first realize. Of course, for younger kids, making the problem simpler will probably ease their minds more. Make it something they can understand and take responsibilities for your own faults or issues in the matter.

Spending Time With Your Kids

Just because two parents are locked in a divorce doesn’t mean either one should neglect spending time with their kids. If your children can see you still want to spend time with them, it will help them to realize the divorce does not change too much about their lives. Sure, you may have to work out a schedule for who has the kids when, but it is healthy for a child’s confidence to realize both parents still want them and that their relationships won’t change. Sometimes it can be important to consult with a divorce attorney to iron out any special legal issues or circumstances to ensure that this schedule of shared parenting will work out as intended to secure the child’s best interests.

Text Your Kids

A good way to monitor how today’s tech savvy children are handling a divorce emotionally is to engage them with regular text messages or notes they can see daily. Sometimes it is easier for a child to express how they feel in writing rather than in person. In addition, text messages gives a child time to articulate responses without feeling put on the spot. According to Kalamarides & Lambert law, allowing a child to respond at their own pace helps them to reason through their feelings. If you see your child is sounding down and depressed about the divorce or might be hiding their true feelings, this is your opportunity to provide them with an upbeat thought and engage with them on a level you can both benefit from.

A divorce is never fun for kids or adults. Sometimes the best thing to do is to sit down and genuinely listen to your child’s concerns. It is hard to say how any child will handle a divorce and what state their self-esteem will be in by the time it is over. But if you help them to understand why things have to be the way they turned out, you will be able to help them deal with their emotional reactions through modes of healthy communication with your kids. Just make sure you have help from other sources and kids have other places and adults to turn to during this time as well.

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