When we’ve been through a nasty break up, our hearts really HURT, yes?
Yet a lot of women stay in their head, blame him, rationalize or self-judge. Other women get super busy and stuff down the feelings by working too hard, numbing out on Facebook or finding a rebound relationship. Other women try to process their feelings yet only reach about 25% of the pain and thus maintain a mild state of depression, hiding or melancholy for years.
After 18 years of coaching others and going through my own fair share of breakups, I recommend you CRY IT ALL OUT.
Fully feeling your feelings to the core without hesitation so as to surrender, feel, process and pass them through your body.
This way they leave behind the most unexpected gem of wisdom! It’s the opposite of sadness… believe it or not… it’s happiness. Happiness for what you learned, happiness for the dysfunction you left behind, happiness for the courage to speak up, happiness for the resilience to feel your true feelings, happiness to let go of ‘good for great’, happiness to have experienced both pleasure and pain and kept your heart open!
When you fully feel the sadness to a place of rest… and then fully receive the happiness into the ‘well’ that the sadness carved out inside your heart…you can rest in a state of balance, equilibrium, gratitude or Grace.
So how exactly HOW do you feel your feelings to the fullest anyway? We don’t want to become drama queens, rehash trauma unnecessarily or have puffy eyes for weeks, right?
I recommend somebody having your back and holding space because as soon as the emotions get intense, it’s uncomfortable and uncertain how to navigate them successfully. It is one of the greatest privileges to sit in the fire with a client and be their rock so they can surrender fully into an emotion all the way through to the other side. Then it’s inspiring to guide them with profound questions about what they’ve learned, how they’ve grown, where they’ve evolved and how it’s served them.
To witness a moment of Grace when a client embraces the equal happiness to the sadness and rests into balanced Presence… is breathtaking. It’s like watching a butterfly come out of a cocoon and fly for the first time 😉
Navigating emotions alone is challenging. Even I, a seasoned coach of two decades, ask for help from my coaches! Anywhere you can really let it rip and you give yourself permission to be human is a perfect choice for you.
Below are 3 suggestions for purging the sadness and opening room to breakup with happiness.
- putting on a movie with a sad ending like La La Land and letting yourself sob until you’re emptied out
- getting into a hot salt bath and crying your face off into the soothing healing water
- climbing to the top of the mountain and wailing at full throttle into the winds
… all can be fantastically cathartic.
I recommend having a journal with you so that when the emotions have flushed through, you can begin to ask powerful questions to guide your healing. Look for what you learned, what the gift was, what the lesson was, how you evolved… and feel the happiness and healthy pride in your accomplishment and relationship adventure!
Take your time, this is something you cannot rush or make happen. I don’t believe this is where you try to ‘fake it till you make it.’ This is where you need to be brave, vulnerable and honest with your sweet self. It doesn’t work to put sprinkles on top of an ice cream cone of crap!
At the end of balancing our your emotions… what you’ll find is that you remember all that happened, but you are no longer triggered by your memories. You no longer resist when someone brings up their name. You no longer stalk them on Facebook 😉 You are complete.
You might EVEN feel grateful for having the experience. That’s the true sign you’ve not only recovered… you’ve transcended the breakup. You are better for it.