Surviving a breakup in your 40s means having a plan and a few unorthodox ideas!
I wanted to write a piece to help a lot of my readers. Surviving a Breakup in Your 40s. I chose the age of 40 because I wanted to make it clear that this article is for women who need help surviving a breakup of a long-term relationship.
All breakups hurt, but when you have been a part of a duo for decades it can be especially painful. The years when you took care of yourself are most likely distant memories. You gave and gave and gave.
And now you are alone.
Who do I turn to? What do I do right now? Where is any glimmer of hope?
Let me be your glimmer of hope. I have a few unorthodox ideas.
Surviving a Breakup in Your 40s
Ball your eyes out
I’m not kidding. Ball your friggin’ eyes out until you are out of tears. But I want you to do this with one catch: Set a specific time limit on this. Three days or one week, I care, but no longer.
Stop and consider
In between crying, you will have sudden points when you stop and act completely normal – like nothing ever happened. Your mind is taking a break and not letting you think about him – kind of a self-defensive mechanism.
During one of these timeouts, I want you to feel your pain and decide that it is beautiful. Understand that what you are experiencing is a part of love – it’s just the opposite swing of the pendulum.
Don’t fight it, embrace it and tell yourself you loved as only a human can and you are better for it. Realize that the people who really should be crying are the ones who never loved. You did.
And then smile.
Write the letter
Tell him everything. What you loved about him, what you hated, the great times you remember and the shit that you couldn’t stand about him. Add anything else you want to say. Get angry. Yell and scream. Then cry again if you must.
Burn the letter
You didn’t think I was going to have you send it did you? No. This letter isn’t telling him you forgive him, it’s giving you permission to move on. Do it and feel the finality as you watch the letter burn.
Make a decision
While the letter is still smoldering, tell yourself there is a new and exciting life waiting and ready for you and you will love again soon. Tell yourself it starts tomorrow. Then, Get the help you need here!
In the morning
Exercise hard. This isn’t about slimming down. When you workout, “happy” chemicals are released into your body. These chemicals will make you feel stronger and more positive and will combat the negative chemicals banging around, making you feel miserable. You need these hormones and they are easy to produce by working out hard.
Connect with nature
Don’t ask why just do it! Go snowshoeing, walk on a beach or get lost on some wonderful hiking trail. Nature cures. Google the why if you need to, I don’t care, but get out there and let your senses take it all in like you have never experienced before. Nature is Gods natural drug – get addicted!
Gather your entourage
Gather around you your closest friends and family members. Tell them you need them to keep you busy and upbeat. They will know what to do. Stay at their house for a few nights. Go out to eat. Shop. Buy yourself something. Encourage them to take on a new hobby with you. Be alone as little as possible.
Book a vacation
Do it now. You are feeling better and you won’t sulk in Cozumel while skinny dipping!
Embrace the change
Change your life. Change your daily coffee watering hole. Start creating your new and vibrant social life. Change your dress and change your hair – heck why not! Today is the day you get mad and break out. Your ex is dead to you and now you have entered the “You know, I can do a whole lot better than him” stage.
Contact me
You didn’t expect that one, did you? I am a dating and life coach who knows all about reversing the crappy thoughts your conscious mind is feeding your subconscious. I talk to my readers. Go read my reviews on Amazon.
Surviving a Breakup in Your 40’s just got a whole lot easier!
I’m divorced twice and looking at marriage for a third time. I’m 52 and starting over with my career; I lost EVERYTHING after my first divorce and the recession of 2008/2009. I then remarried in 2013 (big mistake) and it killed me financially and I now need to work another 15-20 years in order to afford retiring! LOL! 🙂
I am a Christian woman and have been dating a WONDERFUL CHRISTIAN MAN for the past two years. He’s asked me to marry him. I’m working on becoming a preschool teacher and making much less money than I did when I was in my 30’s and 40’s (from $85,000/year to $35,000 to $40,000/year). BIG DIFFERENCE!
Anyway, I’m trying to find peace with that. My boyfriend/fiance says it’s all fine, as long as I’m HAPPY. Sometimes I feel as though I’m just not going to bring in enough money to feel like I’m giving my fair share into the relationship. I don’t want him to feel like he’s getting the short end of the stick because he’s got the greater financial pressure.
Sadly, we live in a world where the six-figure income isn’t always enough (we are in Southern California). I don’t want a third failed marriage and have fear of that. Silly, right? I’m in counseling for this as we speak. Thankfully, I believe we have what it takes to make it through all this, but that doesn’t mean I don’t get scared. Any input you have is greatly appreciated. Thank you for your time and for listening!
Kindly,
Monica
Hi Monica!
The fact that you are worried about bringing your fair share tells me (and him) what a great catch you are. Many folks wouldn’t even be thinking about money. I have a feeling that, this time, your concerns are overblown.
He knows your financial situation by now, I’m sure, and it looks like he isn’t in the least bit bothered or he wouldn’t have asked you to marry him. That tells me that this is something that you need to address so you can let go. If you don’t, it could hurt your relationship because of your worry.
And when I say address I mean in 2 ways: The feelings and the actual problem. Once you tackle the feelings about money, making more will be easier. As a life coach I would be using affirmations, visualization, meditation and goal setting to attack both!
You made more money before so you can do it again if that is your goal.
Southern Cal is one of the most expensive places to live. Is a move a possibility for the two of you? There are so many awesome places to live in our country, and so much more can be done online, maybe it’s time to look at all your options. I am moving to Florida where I will be living for about 33% cheaper than Boston – that’s a heck of a raise
Hope this helps
Gregg
We have talked about moving. Probably not for a bit since we are both pretty settled in our lives here. That said, I would move tomorrow if I could! LOL! I know I’m blessed and I just need to let go of what I have achieved in the past. I have to be OK with what I am achieving now. Honestly, the pressure isn’t there like it was a few years ago. As a team, we have so much more to gain in our lives together. Thank you for your honest input.