I Need a Rent A Husband, Today And Every Day!

 

I have often felt during the past 20 years of being divorced, how much I missed that built-in Handy Man I had in a husband! He could build anything, make anything, cook anything, grow anything.

He was just deeply talented.

Of course, it was wonderful to feel like you were part of a unit too. It felt wonderful to have a family. I felt like a whole table rather than a 3-legged wobbly table.

Those are the overarching faint memories.

I have been divorced for so many years, I barely remember the actual feelings of homegrown support any longer. Since my divorce, I have purchased two homes and all the furniture within.

I have purchased 3 cars; I have finished a remodel of the house we lived in when we were married.

I have dealt with leaky roofs, serious plumbing issues, and electrical challenges.

I have worked harder in my life than I could ever have imagined. Raising a family and caring for the household is a lot.

On my tax returns, I am labeled as head of household. There have been no truer words written.

I Need a Rent A Husband, Today And Every day!

On the day of my Father’s funeral, I came home at 9:00 pm with my 4-year-old daughter and 8-year-old son only to walk to the dining room and see standing water. The water that had been meandering from the front bathroom due to a toilet that had been overrunning all day in our absence.

I had just had the worst day of my life.

The only man left in my life who supported and loved me unconditionally was gone.

By virtue of just the sheer emotional sadness I felt, it was the final straw. I called my brother in law and he came over with his wet vacuum and we proceeded to clean it up.

I quickly put the kids to bed and continued to clean up.

By midnight I threw myself into bed and sobbed. I had never felt so alone in my life. I was brought into this world with a twin sister so being solo was not natural to me.

I have indeed been the provider for many projects that go along with owning a house. I entered this endeavor at the time of my first home purchase with a good amount of naivety. Forgetting that I had always had a handy husband who was brilliant at fixing and solving things.

My first home was purchased n March 2001. It is now May 2020 and I have fixed a lot of things at that time. I have hired a lot of technicians in their fields to work on my homes.

As I look back, I can’t help but think how great it would have been if I could have just rented a husband; instead of always being in the position of borrowing my brothers-in-law or friends’ husbands to help me out.

Of course, I would love a guy who could help me diagnose and fix all the ailments that go along with homeownership. But there is so much more beyond that.

One of my biggest dreads each year was buying the Christmas tree.

I always had a car that was too small to fit the tree in. Many a Christmas’ my little boy and I would be pulling the tree off the roof of the car which had been carefully tethered by an oh so skilled Christmas tree lot worker.

We always wanted a big tree so that meant it was twice the size of the child who was helping me drag it in and set it up. Wouldn’t it have been great to call Rent A Husband and Wala…he is there! Ready with a smile to help with a compassionate and cheerful attitude. Never annoyed and just always felt the family holiday cheer!

Sigh… it would have been so wonderful. And then there was the Christmas present buying for the kids. One year, I waited so long to get the gifts because I needed the paycheck that could cover it. My kids were with their Dad for the weekend so I came home on a Friday night after a long week and proceeded to get out of my work clothes and ready to dawn the charge to Toys R Us who would be open until midnight.

I had my car filled with toys. I got home and then had to wrap them all. I was Christmas for my kids, and I was never going to let them down! Ever.

How great would it have been if My Rent A Husband would be there to help me shop and then tell me he would wrap the gifts. He would eagerly say, “Go ahead and take a hot shower and get comfy after your long week of work. I got it from here.” Happier words could not have been received to my ears.

A Rent A Husband would come in handy on so many levels.

I think back on all the time spent making dinners, making school lunches, doing homework, giving baths to my kids, all after working a full day, a full week, a full month year after year.

My ideal Rent A Husband would step in and allow me to take a slow hot stress relieving bath while he helped the children with homework and get them ready for bed.

My ideal Rent A husband would let me go to bed early as he sits down and pays the bills.

My ideal Rent A Husband would step in and take some of the load off my shoulders so that I may just sit and breathe the kind of long sighing breaths that naturally allow your shoulders to fall to a relaxed state of being. A place they rarely sit in.

As the children grew and college was on their horizon, I spent many a long night going through college portals to ascertain what the acceptance rates were, what their school specialties were, and ultimately what the tuitions would look like all before we sat down and filled out the complicated applications.

With my ideal Rent A Husband by my side he would say, “You have done that leg, now let me help. I will figure out the college tuition and better yet, the FAFSA portal in case we need student loans.” Which of course we did.

Now I know you are probably saying, “Karen what are you talking about? Why don’t you just hire a handyman or a babysitter or a tutor or a personal assistant or something? Or better yet, get a boyfriend?!”

I had never really felt the desire during that time. But I may have gotten it all wrong. I was mired in so much all the time.

I had a babysitter until the day I could no longer afford one.

I had a handyman in my Uncle before he became too old to do the heavy lifting.

I had an advisor in my Father before he succumbed to cancer.

I had a boyfriend until I realized he wasn’t the real deal and he really didn’t care about me, the person… only me the person who was there for him only.

And I did indeed have a husband at one time who I thought was all the above.

What I really needed was just a good friend who didn’t want anything from me and who was willing to do anything for me.

I know it sounds very one-sided, but really that’s all I wanted back then. So here I am now twenty years divorced. Maybe my ideal Rent A Husband could indeed be my best friend now.

My person who I can lean on for help. Or, maybe one day my next real second husband.

Who knows?

But for now, I would settle for that Rent A Husband every day of the week and twice on Sunday if it gives me just one hour, one day, one moment in time that I feel less stressed and more centered. I would take it!  I’m ready to book my next husband! How about you?

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Rent A Husband

“In my book, you are my Prince. In my movie, you are my Hero. In my body, you are my Heart. And in my life, you are my Everything.”