My ex and I are proof that putting your children first makes any divorce a good divorce. In fact, I still love my ex.
Got your attention, right?
I guess I have some explaining to do? After being divorced for almost four years, how can one say they love their ex? Simple, I am. And actually, I love my ex more now, than I did when we were married! I find him more attractive, sweeter…and downright pleasant to be around. Oh, for fuck sake, pick your mouths up off the floor and hear a girl out!
My Ex is a rockstar. But understand, this is not some ploy to find him a woman. He does fine all on his own. And I don’t need a Mom for my kids either; they have ME! But maybe, all you divorcees arguing over beanbags will read this, and get a glimpse of what a HAPPY divorce can look like: if you put your kids first and flush your egos down the shitter.
I love my ex-husband.
I’m not in love with him anymore.
You do see the difference, right?
And although we may not have meant to be married, we got two amazing kids out of the deal.
So when we decided to pull the plug and get happy, we also chose to DO IT RIGHT! Fuck all the issues and bullshit! It’s about the KIDS. Being happily divorced takes as much effort as being happily married, duh. It takes work! We are flexible, accessible and kind. We respect each other’s boundaries and remember that our kids are a part of each of us.
We used to fight about money; It’s always about the money, isn’t it? Stop it. And I don’t mean the alimony and child support, y’all. That shit is what it is. But hear me. Don’t fight over money, or give it to attorneys! Keep it between you…it should all go to your kids in the end. I didn’t get that at first, but my Ex was so good about explaining it. I was scared and nervous. Divorce is terrifying! I had no idea what I was doing after being married for 12 years. Who do I trust? He kept saying, “We need to focus on the boys.” And we did. We used a mediator, and our money stayed OURS.
And we remained an un-family.
We are parenting together, separately. Kind of an oxymoron, I know. Happily Divorced, is like jumbo shrimp. But we remain a family, just in two different locations. We co-parent. Like REALLY co-parent, we split everything 50/50. And he is a better Dad now than he was when we were married. Our boys see him more, and he’s engaged 100% because he has to be. Week on, week off. And we have holidays together and eat dinner when we can. We sit together at the boy’s basketball games, and we even took family pictures at our son’s Bar Mitzvah. The FOUR of us. Wanna know why? Because one day, my kid is going to look back at his Mitzvah album…and say, MY parents, made the divorce easy…Look at my happy un-family.
He yes, he still deals with my crazy. Sure, he can hang up; I’m not his wife anymore. And most men would. They’d say, “You’re so not my problem.” But not my Ex. He will text back every time. And he still does my taxes and fixes my leaky faucets. He will come over all hours of the night to catch mice. Some of you might think I’m needy, or not capable of doing my crap. Bullshit! I am, but mice? So NOT happening. Ha. And he still listens when I’m spinning out over the stupidest shit. He’s still my “go-to” when I’m upset about work, or my boyfriend. I was his “crazy wife,” and now I’m the “crazy ex.” Ha. Anytime I need him; he’s there. Crazy, huh? Sure, but I think it’s pretty amazing, too.
So, if you ask my Ex how he feels about me, what would he say? And I quote, “Jennifer, you were hard to be married to but easy to be divorced from.” Yeesh, A man of many words. I love it, and I love him. And there is not a guy on this planet I’d rather be happily divorced from. And so..they lived Happily Ever After-ish. 😉