How do you move past the ultimate betrayal? How do you recover?
A man that you admired and respected, your friend and confidante, your precious lover betrays you in the worst way?
How do you cope with the realization that you’ve been duped and conned? You gave him your heart, your trust, your body and he crushed it with unthinkable betrayal.
How do you understand how you were a victim of his gaslighting? Enforcing restrictions and sanctions and double standards and then turning them all around as if it’s your fault? It’s emotional abuse and you let it happen. You’re a strong, independent woman and you let this man, that you trusted, into your world and he destroyed yours when you no longer suited his needs.
I don’t know how to move past his betrayal:
He lied to me.
He cheated on me.
He changed his story constantly and then berated me for my confusion and upset.
He broke every promise he made to me.
He told me just weeks before I found out that he had already replaced me that I was special and beautiful and precious. He was thinking of me with fondness, listening to songs that reminded him of me but turned around and curled up beside another woman and held her as she slept after he had been intimate with me the same night.
He called me crazy and obsessed when I was hurting. He toyed with my mind, told me countless lies and misguided my thoughts, all the while building his affection with another woman and making me look like a complete fool, throwing myself at him, begging him for. He chastised me like a child, emotionally abused me in the worst way. Talked down to me like I was nothing. I was worthless to him. He had already moved on, gotten over it.
He took zero responsibility and accountability. He blamed it all on me. The story constantly changed and yet it was always my fault.
The sad part is that I saw it coming from a mile away. It was like a game of chess, where I predicted every move yet I still ended up in checkmate.
He degraded me in the worst way and I was stupid enough to let it happen.
Today I take my power back and I say “no more”. With his callous admission and refusal to see why and how what he’d done would hurt me as badly when he said our connection was forever severed. I never want to see or hear from him again. I mourn the loss of my lover, but mostly my friend.
I will spend a lifetime regretting him and trying to forget every moment we shared because it was all a farce, a total lie. He is not the man that I loved. He is not the man I thought he was. He is a weak, pathetic player, a coward, a vile excuse for a human being.
I am a strong woman and he took me down at the knees. My heart is about to explode. My brain spinning, wondering what else he’s lied about. How many women have there been? How many lies has he told? How else has he degraded me?
Memories flash through my head and stop at my heart where they crumble and die. All the good times we shared. All the wonderful moments I thought were real, were false.
He said that I could never be replaced, that he would always care for me. He said I was always close to his heart. No. The woman he’s sleeping beside with her head against his back or chest, that’s who’s close to his heart. I am nothing.
I pray to God and all that’s holy to help me heal from this excruciating pain. I pray for the mental fortitude to forget him and the role he played in my life. I was forgotten and replaced by the only man I ever loved and who, I believed, loved me in return. I was a fool.
This kind of betrayal is life changing. I will never be the same. I always have trust issues, now he’s destroyed any chance I will ever have again of believing someone loves me.
I will come out stronger, though, albeit alone. He can continue living his lies and his pathetic false life. I no longer have a need for such a cruel person in my world.
If you are reading this and there is one thing that resonates with you about a relationship you are in, if there is even one shred of doubt about your man’s character, run, as fast and as far as you can and heal yourself. Make a vow that no man will ever have the opportunity to destroy you like that again.
More from DivorcedMoms.
- 5 Ways to Learn to Trust Yourself After Infidelity
- 10 Ways He’s Cheating on You Without Having an Affair
- A Manifesto for the Recently Betrayed – It’s About YOU, Not Them
- Check Out Your State’s Divorce Resources And Advice
Great read. Sounds like you encountered a sociopath. I can relate as I went through the exact same thing and it hurts like hell but I am slowly recovering. I wish you the best in healing and pray you find love and happiness.
Never married, but I thought the last one was “it”. Together 4 years and felt like marriage was coming.
One evening he told me how much he loved me (again), we had a romantic night together and then he told me of a fantastic career opportunity he had which would mean world travel and a lot of money. He said he was plannining to close up his apartment. I asked him if he would like to stay with me when he was in town or did he want me to go with him. I thought he was going to finally propose as he now shared this great news with me and there was financial stability.
No, he replied, I just wanted to let you know what is happening and I love you and goodbye. Forever.
We are both middle aged, never married, no kids.
I could not actually believe what I was hearing.
I like your advice which is do not discuss this with anyone. Well, one of his “best friends” (not my friend) became very interested in what type of relationship I had with him. I made the mistake of confiding in him and he then spread a very nasty, false and convoluted story about me. This made the hurt even worse.
So the author’s suggestion is very well put. Aside from your very closest confidant, do not share this story with anyone else. Hold your head up and walk away.
The healing comes quicker when you dissociate yourself from the bad drama. Obviously the man was not what I though he was. By giving it more “life” it made things worse. The recovery has been VERY slow. But it is happening.
Do yourself a favor. If you can’t believe it’s true, talk it over with only the most close and trusted person you know – hopefully someone he will never ever see or meet.
I hope I meet a worthy man soon and that I can identify love when it walks into my life. And that I can identify fakers and keep them out of my life FOREVER.
Peace please.
Sorry to say this happens over and over again. Take the time to examine if your past relationships had any similiarity, work on those things that will prevent falling for the same type of sociopath/narcissitic personality again and yes, you will/can be happy again. Take all the time you need.
Thank you for the comments.
He wasn’t actually any of those terrible things. Our relationship was healthy and beautiful until it ended and then everything unravelled in a very ugly way very quickly. We have found forgiveness and peace which has helped with the healing.
Marcia C xo
Were you and I married to the same man?
I Will Spend a Lifetime Regretting *Her* And Trying To Forget *Her*
I’m so tired of the million to one ratio of these articles demonizing men.
John, you do realize you are on a site for women with articles written by women, don’t you? Articles written about *HIM* is what you’ll find here. May I suggest you check out AskMen.com if it is articles about *HER* you are looking for. It’s just good common sense.
JohnD. Thank you for your comments.
This article is not at all about demonizing men. That is a generalized perception and opinion and while I appreciate the feedback, I feel that your comment is as generalized as the issue you are upset about.
This article is more about relating an ‘experience’ rather than demonizing men in general. It’s not at all. I love me and have faith there are great ones out there.
Cheers,
RM.
JohnD. Thank you for your comments. This article is not at all about demonizing men. That is a generalized perception and opinion and while I appreciate the feedback, I feel that your comment is as generalized as the issue you are upset about. This article is more about relating a painful ‘experience’ rather than demonizing this man and men in general. It’s not at all. I love men and have faith there are great ones out there. Cheers, RM.
“All the wonderful moments I thought were real, were false.”
This hit me hard. He had the affair for the last 4 years during which we travelled and had what I thought to be wonderful holidays. The effort to forget my entire adult life being with him now leaves me an empty shell.
Reading this has brought me some peace. I spent 18 years with a man who was a con artist for the majority of the marriage. He had multiple affairs and lied to me for years. He cheated on me when I was pregnant with our son – he stayed in the marriage when our son was a baby because he didn’t want the responsibility of caring for an infant as a single parent. When I wanted to leave the marriage, he threatened to commit suicide. He put his needs above the needs of our family and I’ve just come to the conclusion that I was married to a dirt bag. To this day, I still can’t understand what kind of human being would threaten their spouse with a suicide threat when they never had any intention of working on the marriage. He only shows interest in co parenting when it’s convenient or when it requires no work on his part. He betrayed my trust so badly that I don’t think I will ever be able to trust another man again. I would rather be single than be lied and cheated on by the person who stood before our families taking a vow to love, honor and cherish.