What Does It Mean To Date a Divorced Mom?
Care for me, do not carry me
For I have me two feet
Watch for me, not over me
For my soul is complete
My divorce, no hanging albatross
So refrain from the guilt
No desperation floods my head and heart
Just confidence I’ve built
I don’t want you ’cause I need you
It’s the other way around
I want to cultivate your passions
While you sweep me off the ground
You will kiss me like you mean it
When it’s been a couple days
You will call me just to say hello
When I’m in mommy ways
We will travel, not unravel
When the stress has sunken in
Just you and I and your old Chevrolet
Passion buckled in
For I have had the sparkling diamonds
Done the endless shopping days
But here’s a tip for all you suitors
Connection melts my heart away
As does intellectual fire
Stroke my mind with gentle hands
And when I speak so fondly of my kids
You won’t feel less a man
There will be schedules gone awry
But you’re the guy that will not mind
For we’ll find ways to mind each others heart
When dates are hard to find
But most of all you will be honest
And reliable to a tee
Consistency in your commitment
No broken promises for me
I am a catch, a steal, a treasure trove
And here I seek a lovely man
I’ve walked on broken glass at times, and yet
My feet still touch the sand
If you’re going to date a divorced mom, there are some things you need to understand. These are not complicated things, but things nonetheless.
Let’s start with the (apparently) not so obvious:
- Divorced moms are not injured birds looking for you to take them under your wings. And while ‘Desperado’ may be a song by the Eagles, you won’t find these lyrics in a divorced mom’s dating bible. If you want to date a divorced mom, respect is key.
- Divorced moms may have unavoidable scheduling conflicts. It’s true. You see, they have these sweet people they call their children that can get sick unexpectedly. There are also fathers that may or may not hold up their end of the co-parenting bargain. In this, patience and understanding are two necessary traits when dating a divorced mom.
And now, the not so obvious:
- Divorced moms have likely lived with broken promises of past loves. In this, honesty and reliability are the two most important traits to them. Such a statement comes from the result of a survey I did that 1,300 divorced moms participated in. If you say you are going to do something, do it. If you say something, mean it. Or, as this acronym-loving relationship coach likes to say, SWIM Backwards aka Say What I Mean and Mean What I Say.
- Divorced mom’s hunger for adult interaction. For while they love their children dearly, time away from them means an opportunity to be able to talk about things other than ‘Finding Dory’ and the newest Lego incarnation. In the same 1,300 person survey, one of the biggest disappointments divorced moms have with men they date is a lack of substantive conversation and intellectual intimacy. In fact, the only thing that was more disappointing was sex. Which leads me to…
- Divorced women are not desperate and as such, are not simply happy that someone is willing to roll in the sack with them. In this, their role in the sack is far from being the bottom to a top nor is it being a notch in your belt. Pity sex or the two-minute experience are not much of an experience and, in fact, will fall a distant eighth to a good bath and the seven dwarfs.
How we show up in the world of dating is directly tied to how aware we choose to be. There is great courage and unselfishness that comes from a willingness to understand and be present with people, in this case, divorced moms.