Listen to your heart and that voice in your head that’s screaming at you. Can you juggle being in love with two people? Will you feel guilty if you act on impulse? Or will you walk away and spend the rest of your life, wondering…. what might have been?
Yes, I think it is possible to be in love with two people at the same time because nobody meets every single quality that we want our mate to have. While one person may have some of the things we are looking for, they are bound to be lacking in some areas.
At the same time, a second person, perhaps an acquaintance, friend, neighbor or co-worker might fill that void. He is interested in the same things and actually listens when you talk.
Eventually, you become close friends, comfortable enough to talk about any subject. You confide in him about your significant other and the problems in your relationship. He offers advice and opinions while telling you about his girlfriend.
Before you know what’s happening, you are filling in the gaps in each others relationships. If only, you could blend him and your significant other together, to make the perfect man!
Since your relationship at home has grown stale and you take each other granted, you find yourself thinking of the other man. He’s the first thing you think of every morning and each night as you drift off to sleep with thoughts of him bouncing around in your head.
One morning, as the first text of the day from him chimes on your phone and a smile crosses your face, you realize he means something to you. It’s gone beyond friendship, at that point.
You look forward to seeing him. He’s funny and smart. During the day, while your man is at work, you either hang out with the other guy or spend hours at a time talking to him on the phone.
Eventually, your man notices that you’re acting different and seem distracted. He takes you out to dinner, buys you flowers and cuddles with you. At some point, you start feeling torn. You want both of them.
At first, you’re in denial, and then you realize that you are in love with two people. You may wonder if it’s considered cheating to love two men. You haven’t had sex with the other man, but somehow feel intimately close to him.
The other man invites you to spend an afternoon with him. You drive out to the countryside to his friends farm, have a picnic and going horseback riding.
With each passing second, you feel the sexual tension building. Your heart pounds with anticipation as you stop at a pond to let the horses get a drink. As you stretch your legs, you can not take your eyes off of him. The way he’s looking at you leaves you breathless as you pause to lean against a tree.
You’ve reached a crossroads with two choices.
1. You can say, “what the fuck,” and follow your heart, and start a heated affair that will change your friendship with him, forever.
2. Get back on the horse, fighting off temptation and following your heart to the man at home.
It’s decision time. You can act in the heat of the moment, possibly regretting it later or listen to what your mind and heart are telling you.
There’s a country song by George Strait, titled, “You Can’t Make A Heart Love Somebody,” which I think is true but I also think you can’t make a heart NOT love somebody. It’s a stormy battle within your heart that will have no winners in the long run.
No matter what you do in that split second when you either jump the other man’s bones or you walk away, your actions will have a lasting effect.
Whether you should cross the line from an emotional affair to a torrid physical affair is a decision that only you can make. During my second marriage, my husband had many affairs. I had a lot of chances to cheat and believe me, I wanted to do it, but I didn’t. Instead, I had several emotional affairs.
In one instance, I did fall in love with the other man. We became best friends who could talk about anything. He filled the gaps in my marriage and he was my rock. In the long run, I chose to walk away, not because I was choosing my hubby over him, though.
My friend got into drugs and wouldn’t stop. I watched him slowly dying until I couldn’t stand it anymore. It’s been at least ten years, maybe more. I don’t know if he’s dead or alive. I still love him, as he was when I met him, not the man he became. Looking back at my choices I have no regrets.
Listen to your heart and that voice in your head that’s screaming at you. Can you juggle the two men that you love? Will you feel guilty if you act on impulse? Or will you walk away and spend the rest of your life, wondering…. what might have been?
Only your heart can answer that question.
BS, if you feel this way where you have to be torn between two men, then do not continue to drag your spouse in tow. It is not fair for your primary partner. You cannot have your cake and eat it to. Two choices for you people who may ever find yourself in this situation: 1). Leave your marriage, and walk away. 2). Stay, and work things out within your marriage. There is no third option. If you feel there is no hope in your marriage, then walk. It’s called separation or divorce. You don’t continue an affair while your spouse is clueless to what you’re doing behind their backs. There is too much at risk, too many people will become hurt and damaged, all because you wanted to try rationalizing if you can “love two men/women at the same time”. Has nothing to do with the heart, it has everything to do with your dopamine levels in your brain telling you to enjoy fantasy land.