My husband decided to end our marriage in October 2013. Bottom line, I am single, I am a mom, and I am a year away from turning 50. Not to mention I have two little nuggets that call me Grams. It’s not the same as 1993 when I split from my first husband. At that time I went out with other friends who were single. We hit up the bar scene. I even got into helping teach country line dancing.
Every one of my friends said the same thing: “You can do better and you need to find someone else.” Why is it that once people know we are single, the first thing that crosses their mind is to hook us up with the next available human being that exists? I know they mean well and I still love them, even though some of them tried to set me up at a time I knew I was not ready.
In South Carolina, we are required to wait 12 months before filing for divorce. At first, I thought that law was ridiculous, similar to the South Carolina law requiring your spouse to sign a consent when you want a tubal ligation. He doesn’t own my ovaries! In this instance, though, the obligatory separation time allowed me to heal before I started dating again.
My middle daughter came to visit in May after my split from her stepfather. She showed me this app on her phone which says “POF.”
“What the hell is that?” I ask.
She says, “Well, Mom. It’s called Plenty of Fish.”
She proceeded to show me – and all of these available men popped up! Some were pretty handsome, I might add. But they were her age, mid-twenties. She told me I need this app. “You need to date. You need a social life,” she pushed.
I have to admit, when I first signed up my goal was to see if my still legally married husband was out there scoping out women since he broke up with his mistress and was back dating. I set the search from his age of 47 up to age 50. What came up were 50-year old men who looked 60. I went back and changed the age to 47-48. It brought up some pretty good looking men once I did the whole profile thing.
At first, I decided not to place a profile pic on the site. I wanted men to like me for my profile, not my looks. Then I realized how hypocritical that was as I bypassed all the men’s profile with no pic. POF is a free site. My mom always said you get nothing for free. My coworker told me that she was on it and she did meet a good guy once, who chose to go back to his ex girlfriend. The others she met, total psychos. I started up a conversation with a few of them, then my ex and I started talking again and I didn’t feel the need to seek out a man. Not to mention, I was still legally married and to me that just didn’t feel right. POF for me was a no go and I eventually deleted it off my phone.
I tried How About We, another free app to a point. Eventually you have to join to get messages and such. That was a fail. Not even one conversation. And, again, the men looked like my father. I got on Tinder and my youngest daughter was devastated. She said to me, “Mom that’s a sex site!” I said, “No, it’s not!” thinking it’s been since the ice age since I had sex so maybe this is not such a bad idea. I told her they talked about it on TV. She promptly grabbed my phone and deleted the app.
My last resort was the Farmers app for single farmers. I am a country girl from a small town who basically grew up by a farm. Let me tell you, the pickings were slim. I commend these men for going on there. But, at first glance, it wasn’t for me. I saw a video on Huffpost about a farmer who saved a calf by putting it in a warm hot tub. Now that’s a farmer I could date! I wonder if has a wife. Needless to say, that app got deleted, too.
In the end, online dating was not for me. My fear of trusting someone else and what goes on in the world keeps me from wanting to meet a total stranger just by seeing his picture on a dating site. I want to meet someone the old fashioned way, through a friend, church or chance meeting. Anyone can post a pic of a model and claim it is them. You can give yourself a profile like you are Jennifer Aniston. But the truth will be revealed. I can keep part of my life a secret until that trust is earned.
I have set my standards high. Probably too high. I have come to the realization that that guy I am looking for may not exist. I don’t want a man with kids under 18 – my kids are raised. I refuse to put my kids and grandkids second. And I will be who I am and not try to impress a man. I work and I make my own money. I don’t need to be supported except with a hug once in a while and a cold beer. If he doesn’t like me the way I am then I say, “Next!”
Recently, I watched a friend with her new boyfriend and I thought, Hey, I want that. Then they started arguing where I could hear them, and I realized maybe I really like being single!