Real moms and stepmoms have to find a way to work together. Do I want to be nice to the new girl in my ex’s life? Uh…no. I’d rather see her on a milk carton, but that choice isn’t mine to make.
I’m a mom to two beautiful little girls and I was also a stepmom for 12 years. Neither position is easy and pitting these two very real human beings together happens more frequently than not and it’s not something that’s discussed often enough.
If you are a real mom, then you naturally feel animosity toward the new and improved you…the new stepmom. And let’s face it ladies, women are competitive with each other regardless of the position.
I was jealous of the ex-wife and now I find that at times, I’m jealous of the new one. Crazy! But at least I can admit it!
But ultimately, no matter if you love or loathe the new stepmom, the ex-wife, or the one your ex is shacking up with, you ALL have one thing in common…and that’s loving the kids.
A real mom truly feels in her soul that no one can take care of her children as well as she can
And a stepmom just wants a chance.
10 Things Real Moms Think But Never Say
1. These are my kids and they will never be yours, so please don’t make them or even allow them to call you mom. It’s not appropriate and it’s completely disrespectful. Plus it pisses me off.
2. Don’t discipline my children. This is the responsibility of the REAL parent. If they do something that you don’t like, tell your husband and let him handle the situation.
3. No, I don’t have to show you any respect at all. You EARN my respect through my children. If they like you, I like you. It’s really that simple.
4. Do not make my kids hug and kiss you. My children are very affectionate on their own so do not ask for a hug or a kiss. That’s invading their boundaries. If they want to hug or kiss you, they will. If they don’t offer, then don’t ask.
5. Do not bathe my children…that is their father’s job and I honestly don’t feel comfortable with you seeing my children naked. All about their boundaries again.
6. If you hurt my children, you will go missing. This is in no way a threat, it is a promise that will be kept.
7. Act like an adult around my kids. This means, wear clothes that fit and don’t dress like a slut, keep yourself clean, don’t cuss, and don’t try to be their best friend. You are a stepparent now and they have “friends” their own age.
8. Set an example for them. Don’t drink or do drugs or ANYTHING illegal around my kids. You are only around them for 4 days a month so this shouldn’t be a problem. This is true for car seats and seatbelts too. Make sure they are safe at all times.
9. Don’t bad mouth me…ever. I will always be their number 1 and you have to accept that. Also, you and I will not see eye to eye on everything, so if you say bad things about me to or, in front of my kids, you will feel the wrath of the mom from hell. If I can be strong enough to say only nice things about you, then you can do it too.
10. Don’t be the babysitter for your new & wonderful husband (*giggles*). These are his kids so it kind of falls on you to make sure that he actually spends time with them on his weekends. If he wants some alone time with them, then let him have it. He sees you all the time and only sees his kids 4 days a month so don’t be selfish.At the same time, don’t be taken for granted as being his built in babysitter. Been there, not fun.
7 Things Stepmoms Think But Never Say
1. Yes, I married your ex…get over it already.
2. Your kids are amazing and at times I wish they were mine and WOULD call me mom, even though I would correct them.
3. I’m not your enemy and I would like nothing more than to be given a chance to love your kids. I only want the best for them and I wish you could see and accept that.
4. Your kids drive me absolutely crazy when they talk about you and how wonderful and perfect you are. And it’s only because I’m jealous that they don’t say those things about me.
5. I’m on your side and I’m trying to learn how you want me to do things, but I’m going to screw up, so please don’t say mean things about me to your kids.It’s hard enough being a part-time step-parent without them hating me.
6. Stop griping to your ex/MY husband about the things that I’m doing wrong. Just tell me!! I’m an adult and I feel completely left out when you call and text my husband and never even try to talk to me. We need an open line of communication.
7. Don’t banish me from your kids’ school or sporting events. I am there to support my husband AND your kids. I’m not there to be a thorn in your side.
Real moms and stepmoms have to find a way to work together. Do I want to be nice to the new girl in my ex’s life? Uh…no. I’d rather see her on a milk carton, but this choice isn’t mine to make.
So I’m moving past the jealousy – which was weird, to begin with – and I’m ONLY going to do what’s right by my girls. If they like her, then I like her. This doesn’t mean I’m friends with her…it just means that I’m doing the best that I can at the moment, and I’m doing it for my girls.