Second chances. Are you ready to give it another try? You tell yourself, he has changed. Has he really? Not likely.
Maybe you’re telling yourself you deserve a do-over. It starts out great. After all, it’s the honeymoon phase. He’s on his best behavior at first, by being helpful, considerate, and polite. How long does it last, though? Probably not as long as the good behavior lasted the first time you married him.
He will gradually slide back into the behaviors that annoyed you so much the first time around. The lying, attitude, hatefulness, and laziness probably emerge first. You tolerate it for a while. However, it doesn’t take long to grate on your last nerve. Since you’ve been down this very same road with him before, your tolerance for his bullshit is much shorter.
The next phase might start with him coming home late or not coming home at all. He makes excuses to avoid doing things with you. When it comes to your family events, he refuses to attend them. Getting him to spend quality time with the kids is next to impossible. You’re starting to think, Here we go, again! Friends and family are biting their tongues to keep themselves from saying, “I told you so!”
For the next step of deja vu, he may stop contributing to the bills and household expenses. He works full-time yet expects you to pay for everything, including feeding him. What in the hell is he doing with his money? It’s not like he has suddenly come home driving a new sports car or is flaunting new electronic toys in front of you. And he sure in the hell isn’t spending his paycheck on the kids.
As the marriage zooms down the tracks, headed for the inevitable train wreck that is coming, you’re scrambling to head it off. You do everything you can to keep the relationship afloat, even taking care of all the responsibilities, alone. That doesn’t last long because, with each passing day, the resentment you feel toward him is growing.
One morning, you wake up with the realization that all the steps forward that you had taken after the divorce are gone. You’re back to feeling like you’ve hit rock bottom. Your life has become a cluster-fuck, yet again.
You wonder, How can this be? Asking yourself, Am I stupid? Do I have selective hearing loss? Why didn’t I listen to my family and friends?
By this time, his behavior is at its worst. Maybe he’s emotionally or physically abusive, just like he used to be. He’s possibly cheating, especially if he has a history of acting that way. If he’s an alcoholic or drug abuser, he’s probably in full swing. What do you do now?
Count your losses and walk away while you still can. Lesson learned: second chances aren’t always worth the heartache. People don’t change; if anything, they get worse. It’s better to be alone than repeat a mistake by marrying a man that did you wrong the first time. Like I mention in my article, “Don’t. Sex. The. Ex. Period,” there’s a reason he was your ex in the first place!
Seven reasons not to remarry your ex:
1. He hasn’t really changed.
2. He will never change.
3. He will repeat the wrongs he did to you and the kids.
4. You climbed your way out of the rut he drug you into, so why jump in it, again?
5. The kids deserve better.
6. Life is too short.
7. You deserve better.
If you’re pining away for your ex, look in the mirror and ask yourself, Does this feel right? If you’re feeling the slightest doubt, then trust your instincts and go on with your life. Find a man who will treasure you for the gift that you are.
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