Divorce is normally accompanied by overwhelming emotions. Some of us naturally bottle them up while others of us naturally let it all out. Neither choice is a good one, as with all things in life there needs to be a healthy balance.
Social media has forever changed society and has drastically changed the divorce process. Things that are shared on social media are legally admissable in court. We have all heard the stories about the individual caught cheating on facebook. I’m sure we have also heard the horror stories of people oversharing details about their relationships on FB, Twitter or other forms of social media.
An example I heard today: a friend was discussing her cousin’s divorce proceedings, and everything my friend knows about this situation comes directly from posts put on facebook by the cousin. In the last week, the cousin has called her husband’s new woman many horrible names, posted about beating the other woman up in a Walmart parking lot, discussed her husband and his new woman living in their car in the Walmart parking lot, and encouraged her friends to drive past Walmart, honk and wave at the couple.
Another friend of mine posted every single detail about her divorce and how horrible her ex was on facebook. Her family and friends all defended her and discussed what an ass he is, took up offense for her and soon hated his guts. Eleven months later, she announced she was moving back in with him. She then got pregnant with his child and claimed life is wonderful. Somehow she is able to pretend the horrible divorce never took place; however her family and friends aren’t having such an easy time forgetting everything she shared with the world.
You need to vent and talk to someone. I had a few close friends that I confided in, but even my family to this day still knows very little about my divorce. I have only talked with a few members in my family about the grounds, the proceedings, the drama. I understand my family is different, we aren’t close. However even if you are extremely close to your family be careful what you share.
My advice to everyone having difficulties in life is that you should post nothing, nada, zip, zero on any kind of social media. Why?
1. Would you want your business spread all over the internet for everyone to read? Do you want your ex to post his opinions of you and your choices all over the world? NO. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. The golden rule, people – follow it! If you don’t you are only making yourself look bad.
2. If you have children, they will read/see/hear about your posts. There just isn’t a way to prevent it from happening. Think about Tori Spelling’s new show, True Tori. I appreciate her desire to be open and honest with the world about her life, however I can’t help wondering the damage she is doing to her precious children. Even if they are somehow protected from all that right now, they will eventually see it and it will be devastating. Chances are, a friend will be the one to share and why should any child go through that? The problems between you and your ex need to remain between you and your ex. Age appropriate sharing is vital when you have children. You cannot control that when you vent via social media.
3. It’s going to show up in court. Someone will mention it to him, you will make the wrong friend mad or something will happen. Count on it. Karma is a bitch – so again – The Golden Rule!
4. Once you put it out there you can’t undo it. Yes, a post, tweet or picture can be deleted however once you put it out there it’s done, especially if it gets “shared.” Someone saw it, someone took a screenshot and just like that, the damage is done.
Because our goal in a divorce should be the end of one phase of our relationship and the transition to another phase, we should not be trying to destroy the other party. When you quit a job or, get fired you don’t try to destroy your former employer do you? No. You act like an adult, move one and find a better option for you. It’s the same in a divorce, you fell in love with your ex for a reason. Our exes are human (even when we feel like they are the devil incarnate), we need to treat them with the same respect we want to be treated. A good friend once said he makes all his decisions based on this question:
If my child were in this situation, is the way I am about to respond the way I would want others to respond to my child?
If my child were about to witness or read what I feel, would I be proud or ashamed?
Think about that for a few minutes…Would you want someone posting crap about your child on social media? Lashing out and venting? My guess, my hope is the answer is a resounding CERTAINLY NOT.