Dating – a right of passage for teenagers, college students, the newly single regardless of age, and even octogenarians. But not married people, you can’t “date” a married man!
It’s a simple concept. One unattached person meets up with another unattached person and the two spend time together in an activity mutually agreed upon by both parties.
The end result is different for everyone. Another date. Sex. A lasting relationship. Ignored phone calls and text messages. What happens next often depends on who had fun (or didn’t) on any previous dates. You might get married or you might wonder why you keep going back to those dating websites. Either way, something happens and you move forward with your life.
That doesn’t happen when you’re with a married man. You can’t “date” them because they aren’t unattached and free to enter a new relationship.
Anyone claiming to “date” a married man is wrong on so many levels.
You’re helping a married man cheat and lie to his spouse. If you didn’t know he was married, any unhappiness, angst, or betrayal on the part of his wife wouldn’t be your fault. But you do know and that makes you a liar and a cheat, too. Neither of you is trustworthy.
You’re not saving him from a bad marriage. You’re contributing to it. He doesn’t have to be responsible for dealing with his own feelings in his marriage. He doesn’t have to communicate with his spouse. He doesn’t have to honor his vows. He’s got you – on the side.
The chances are good that he’ll cheat on you too. Maybe you convince him to leave his wife – or he convinces himself that the grass really is greener with you. You’ve chosen a man who’s proved he’s willing to lie and cheat to have what he wants. What will you do when it’s not you he wants anymore?
You’re cheating yourself out of the hope of a happy, healthy relationship. A married man unwilling to leave his wife while he’s “dating” you means it’s a hopeless situation. There is no happy ending. There is no forever. Even if you don’t want to get married again, date someone who’s actually available so you can make that decision for yourself.
You will never be the center of his world. His obligations to his wife and family are always going to come first. And if they don’t, you might want to really think about what kind of man he is. Christmas, Thanksgiving, holiday weekends, family vacations – you won’t have those moments with him unless he lies to his wife. He might lie about a lot of things, but few men will lie well enough to get out of a family holiday.
I can think of a few reasons why you think a married man is a better option.
Fear of commitment. Your fear, not his. He committed already. Remember? He’s married!
Fear of being hurt. If you know the relationship can only be physical, you think you won’t get hurt by it. Try again. Eventually, your feelings will be involved – and you will get hurt.
A belief that you don’t deserve better. Honey, we need to work on your self-esteem issues, and frankly being alone is always better than “dating” a liar and a cheat.
Thinking you aren’t hurting anyone. Either he’s fed you lies about how his wife doesn’t care or doesn’t love him anymore, or he’s so callous as not to care how she feels. No matter how bad their marriage is, when (not if) she finds out, she will be hurt. And if there are children involved, it’s even worse.
- Eliminating the hassle of a committed relationship. Actually, you’re inviting a hassle – in the form of a pissed off wife who may or may not have a crazy streak a mile wide.
Here’s the deal…
You deserve better than a man who is too afraid of being alone or the fallout of a divorce to leave his wife if he’s so unhappy.
You deserve better than to “date” a liar and a cheat.
Real love doesn’t purposely cause pain. Real love lifts people up and makes them better. Do you really think he loves you? Once upon a time, he said he loved his wife, too. There’s a good chance he told her that last night before they went to bed and this morning before he went to work.
No, you’re not “dating” him if he’s married. You’re helping him lie and cheat which makes you equally dishonest. It’s not healthy, and it will not end well.
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