Not everyone who goes through a divorce has been blindsided or shocked to discover that their spouse wants out, but there are many that fall into this category. And by many, I mean predominantly men.
This is commonly referred to as Sudden Divorce Syndrome. Donna Ferber, a psychotherapist in Ohio writes about this very thing in her article, Sudden Divorce Syndrome: Reality or Myth? “A man may be shocked by the news that his wife wants “out” but that doesn’t mean she hasn’t given plenty of warning.
It usually means he wasn’t listening. “Sudden Divorce Syndrome” assumes impulsive behavior on the part of the woman. Nothing is further from the truth. Perhaps a better term would be “Shocked Divorce Syndrome.” That certainly is an accurate description of these men who find themselves blindsided.”
Nationwide women file for divorce 66% of the time. Some reports have the figure closer to 75%! Wow. What’s going on? Despite the time and effort made by women and their relentless and numerous attempts to engage in conversations, which by the way have become circular in nature and morphed into chronic arguments, it isn’t enough to save the marriage. For many wives those attempts to save the marriage have proven futile. And exhausting. Feeling disconnected, frustrated, and disillusioned, women are done. Like, “stick a fork in me” done.
But, let’s be clear. A woman’s decision to divorce doesn’t come easy. Nor is her decision “sudden.” Many women do not necessarily want a divorce. They just feel they no longer have a choice. Their decision, though difficult, is due to several reasons. Reasons that have been percolating for a long time. A very long time.
Triggers That Ignite Divorce:
1. The infamous “nagging”. Although nagging is a constant complaint cited by men, there is often (not always) a legitimate reason for her nagging. Ask yourself, “Have you promised to do something for her?” “Did you follow through or say “I’ll will get to it?” “Has she tried to have a conversation with you about recurring problems?” She is trying to reach you. Have you said that you will take care of something, but didn’t? She isn’t “nagging” when she brings it up, she is trying to communicate.
Often her frustration leads to a marked decrease in conversation, requests and “nagging.” However, the nagging comes to an end because she has given up and has decided this is the end of the line. She turns her discontent and frustration into silence. A wife’s silence has been interpreted by men as a blissful marriage. Quite the contrary. A woman has already emotionally checked out.
2. The message in the behavior. It’s very common that what is most bothersome to people is not the actual behavior (though trust me, behaviors do bother people), but the message that emanates from the behavior. What’s the message? Despite years of monitoring the marriage, making ongoing requests for changes to be made, to be listened to, feel understood, to take problems seriously (even if you don’t think they are problems), and eventually resolve problems to only be ignored a wife checks out. Which is something that happens when there is a demonstrated unwillingness by a husband to take the time to talk and resolve the issues (the behavior). Their unwillingness gets interpreted as “this marriage isn’t important enough for me to listen and make changes (the message).”
3. A point of no return. Once a woman has become tired of the situation, seldom do they turn around and have a desire to reinvest in the marriage emotionally. At this stage, the marriage is rarely, if ever, salvageable. Her resolve and strength to work on the marriage has dissipated and have been replaced by feelings of sadness. Ask her what’s wrong with the marriage? She will answer “everything” indicating a level of unrecognizable frustration.
Men soon find themselves in therapy, desperately trying to save the marriage, which by most accounts, is no longer salvageable.
Sometimes it’s just too late.
FAQs About Sudden Divorce Syndrome:
What is sudden divorce syndrome?
The term Sudden Divorce Syndrome suggests that women can shock men by announcing divorce out of the blue.
Why do marriages not work for women?
It’s not that marriages don’t work for women generally; it’s just that more women file for divorce than men. In the US, women file for divorce 66 percent of the time. Women opt for divorce when their husbands fail to communicate.
Why is it easy for women to file for divorce?
It will be wrong to assume that it’s easy for women to file for divorce. Women file for divorce after exhausting all options to resolve issues in their marriages.
Why do women nag men?
Women don’t nag men—they remind them to fulfill their promises. Men usually promise to take care of something and then either forget about it or simply ignore it. It’s not nagging when women remind them of their promises.
Why do women stop communicating in their marriages?
Women stop communicating in their marriages when men refuse to listen despite repeated reminders. Women can turn their frustrations into silence.
Is a wife’s silence bliss in marriage?
A wife’s silence is not bliss in marriage. It’s indicative of serious issues in a marriage and that she has emotionally detached herself after failing to convey her concerns.
Yes, I am Exhibit A.
I was also “Blind-sided” and the shoe was on the other foot-mine-as I am the survivor of what is called “SUDDEN WIFE ABANDONMENT SYNDROME” and only now, exactly 1 year to the day, able to proudly say ‘good riddens to his and for giving me back my life”, and all that comes with freedom from him, I was married to my husband for 33 years, and one day, he just decided to leave me, without warning, without so much as any explaination as to the fact that he wasn’t happy anymore. Wow, what a year it has been of self discovery for me,
It does take time to heal from such an event as being walked out on, with no apology either to me, But I have great sons, fabulous friends, and loving family near me now, and that is what matters the most:-)
Time does heal all wounds!
Hi Deborah. Sorry to hear about your misfortunate. Yes, this does happen to women but not as frequently. However, that being said, I am glad to hear that things worked out for you and that you are on better footing and have recovered. Good for you! Self discovery and growth is essential..
Hi Deborah. Sorry to hear about your misfortunate. Yes, this does happen to women but not as frequently. However, that being said, I am glad to hear that things worked out for you and that you are on better footing and have recovered. Good for you! Self discovery and growth is essential..
Hi Deborah. Sorry to hear about your misfortunate. Yes, this does happen to women but not as frequently. However, that being said, I am glad to hear that things worked out for you and that you are on better footing and have recovered. Good for you! Self discovery and growth is essential..
Hi Deborah. Sorry to hear about your misfortunate. Yes, this does happen to women but not as frequently. However, that being said, I am glad to hear that things worked out for you and that you are on better footing and have recovered. Good for you! Self discovery and growth is essential..
Hi Deborah. Very sorry to hear about all of that. Yes, this does happen to women, but less often. That being said, I am glad to hear that you have recovered and are on better footing – with a lot of self discovery along the way. Good for you!
Hi Deborah. Very sorry to hear about all of that. Yes, this does happen to women, but less often. That being said, I am glad to hear that you have recovered and are on better footing – with a lot of self discovery along the way. Good for you!
Hi Deborah. Very sorry to hear about all of that. Yes, this does happen to women, but less often. That being said, I am glad to hear that you have recovered and are on better footing – with a lot of self discovery along the way. Good for you!
Hi Deborah. Very sorry to hear about all of that. Yes, this does happen to women, but less often. That being said, I am glad to hear that you have recovered and are on better footing – with a lot of self discovery along the way. Good for you!
Hi Deborah. Very sorry to hear about all of that. Yes, this does happen to women, but less often. That being said, I am glad to hear that you have recovered and are on better footing – with a lot of self discovery along the way. Good for you!
From what I found in my support group, it is common for both men and women. We talk about it differently, but it’s the same. If we are honest with ourselves we can see how we contributed to the end result. As we grow, we can come to see that all we could ever do is control how we act. I would have forgiven the affair if she wanted to stay married. She didn’t. I’ve not come to the place where I can forgive her for the custody fight. We’re divorced. I don’t have to.
From what I found in my support group, it is common for both men and women. We talk about it differently, but it’s the same. If we are honest with ourselves we can see how we contributed to the end result. As we grow, we can come to see that all we could ever do is control how we act. I would have forgiven the affair if she wanted to stay married. She didn’t. I’ve not come to the place where I can forgive her for the custody fight. We’re divorced. I don’t have to.
From what I found in my support group, it is common for both men and women. We talk about it differently, but it’s the same. If we are honest with ourselves we can see how we contributed to the end result. As we grow, we can come to see that all we could ever do is control how we act. I would have forgiven the affair if she wanted to stay married. She didn’t. I’ve not come to the place where I can forgive her for the custody fight. We’re divorced. I don’t have to.
All husbands should be required to read this.
Hi Orrie. Thanks! I see this often in therapy. Its hard to watch and unfold when its right in front of you.
yes, this is exactly what happened.
I doubt many men reads this article. One stat the author didn’t add was >50% of divorced or widowed women have no desire to ever marry again. That just screams that men need to do something other than what they are doing.
We need to teach our male children to engage in the relationship. We need to teach our male children to take responsibility for their behavior. We need to teach our male children to not see females as a receptable for sperm and not use sex as an escape for emotional problems.
More and more young women are choosing not to get married now that the stigma of having children out of wedlock is no longer there.
Hi Kathy. Thanks for taking the time to read and post. yes, no doubt there’s truth that men will not read this. That’s unfortunate. I have many simiar conversations with men saying the same thing, hoping they will change. Changing their perspective, socialize them differently remains a work in progress but many women just don’t have the time anymore and if they do, just don’t want to do it. On a side bar, I didn’t know about the >50% statistic, so thanks for the share.
I disagree to a point. My wife totally blindsided me. For a man, I am very communicative and always addressed things. I always asked her to please as well if something was bothering her. She held everything in apparently until one night I asked what was wrong. She crushed me. We spent time together always and she always acted happy. We spoke about moving out of state very soon and starting a family. She I believe has some mental issues however that I know about in her past and what she has gone through. We dated 8yrs and married almost 6. We were high school sweethearts and I even went away to college for four years and it worked being apart. Makes no sense. I did everything and showed her I loved her every single day.
Hi Paul. Thanks for reading and commenting. No doubt there are many men out there who have had the same experience as you have – trying to communicate, checking in and are still blindsided. I need to write a counter blog about that very thing as other men have said the same thing. This is just one (though very common) perspective on the impact of divorce and how it happens. Thanks for your time!
Disagree completely. Not in divorce. I never “promise” anything. Not anymore. Because even when when I did whatever was supposed to make her “happy”, it was NEVER ENOUGH! And never even so much as I thank you, much less ANY THOUGHT of ANY positive change to non-existent sex life. No. Usually met with “next I want”. The REASON women have to nag is because MEN usually figure out they have made the biggest mistake of their lives in about the first week, if not the Honeymoon. They have been “baited and switched” and MASSIVELY LIED TO. Up to and including ALL of the wedding vows. And realize about the second week that she will NEVER be satisfied with ANYTHING, so why bother.
My attorney told me that in most divorces, there is one spouse that is well ahead of the other, which frequently means that that one feels like they went from fine to divorced with little warning. Stunned that the other isn’t even willing to try to save the marriage. It happens to both men and women. The one who is ready always has justification. They’ve had a while to think about it.
In my case, my wife was having an affair. Turns out, it’s pretty common. Quite the blow to my ego, but common, non the less. Things had not been great for a while. She might self-justify her behaviour based on your talking points, but while I understand your points, I certainly don’t see her as the noble wife who’d tried everything and then give up.
The confusing thing was that our nearly dead bedroom had come alive and she had become plesant to be around again and more interested in things. It was all a cover. She didn’t realize how dead our bed was and overcompensated.
I think that we are asking for trouble when we look at statistics about who filed for divorce to make inferences. For me, the decision about who files (and when) was more about tactics than about empowerment or who was right. I stalled for quite a while to help my custody position. My ex eventually screwed up and moved in with her boyfriend, making my custody case go from long shot to near even odds. Two more screw ups and she was done.
For the number of women who don’t remarry, I think that is complex as well. Marriage as an institution is clearly broken. I don’t think that its so much that women are turning men down, they are not being asked… I don’t know many young men that are begging the girls to marry them. It’s usually just the opposite, girls dragging them down to the church. For me, it will be a long time before I’m ready to consider marriage. I just don’t see the benefit to me our my kids.
X
Hi. Thanks for taking the time to read and respond. Sorry to hear about what happened in your marriage. Your attorney is right. One person does the “uncoupling” first and has the time to process that decision. Often leaves the other person blindsided. However, many times (but not always) it comes on the heels of many unaddressed or unresolved issues, leaving the other person blindsided again. And yes, many times the marriage cannot be saved because of an affair and that person is unwilling to even consider working through the issues. Merely making inferences based soley on statistics is unfair, but there is value and usefulness when used as another variable that helps tell the story and gives it context – much like the other variables – (affairs, nagging, comm issues,etc). Each situation is different and complex in its own right. Thanks again.
I am now divorced after almost 19 years together, 10+ of which we were married. I was definitely blindedsided and shocked by the decision. I didn’t even know my spouse was contemplating divorce – no one did, not family nor our primary friends. It was a shock to everyone. My spouse (a psychiatrist by the way) claims that there were plenty of hints. And to be honest there were hints that were ignored/overlooked by me. But certainly “hinting” is not clear communication. I shouldn’t be expected to read someone’s mind. If somone is contemplating divorce, why can’t they be upfront and honest about it? Why can’t they say “I’m hurting so much I can’t continue in this relationship as it is now. If things don’t change I want to divorce.” Certainly clear and unambiguous communication would get a partner’s attention and provide a chance for the marriage to survive. Planning an exit strategy in silence and dropping a bomb provides no hope for the marriage to survive.
No, I was blindsided because my wife was simply emotionally dishonest. Things that I attributed to other issues, she never addressed when I asked her directly what was wrong. I then get an “email” while I was away for work saying she didn’t want to go on and no longer loved me the way I needed to be loved. WTF? We had spent time recently traveling, she always sent a plethora of cards professing her love and I never thought the relationship was ever that bad. She had been having an affair for almost a year and lied when I asked about things that didn’t seem right to me. This was not an issue that I simply didn’t pay attention to her nor her needs. This is more like Narcissistic Personality Disorder and this woman used me and dumped me.
Thanks Art for reading and taking the time to respond. There are many other like you – saying the same things, so its not just about the women that do say things, but their concerns fall on deaf ears. There are many men who really just never know and are the other side of being blindsided. Thanks again, Kristin
Art, I am very sorry to read about how calous you were treated by your ex wife. This kind of emotional dishonesty is cruel and shows such a lack of empathy. She was unworthy of your sincerity in loving her. You didn’t deserve being treated this way. I sincerely hope you will find, when the time is right, a real woman who is truly loving and caring.
That’s right. Place all the blame on the guy. Forget about the nagging and abusive comets and behaviors of women who are so self absorbed in themselves, their wants and needs that they could care less about their husbands feelings. Let’s forget about the women who are mean to their husbands by making overly critical remarks which are debasing and discounting. Let’s forget about the wives who disrespect their husbands’ needs and invalidating them. Then, when the guy shuts down emotionally and has trouble with sexual performance, his wife then further berates him as being unable to meet her sexual needs. This is reduculous. I can site many examples of women who are so self centered and concerned about their own needs, their own control over their husbands, etc that it is sufficient to say women who blind side their husbands with divorce are psychopatic.
I take note that my post about women who blindside their husbands with divorces are dishonest and pschopathic; gutless and lack the character to be upfront, but rather cause pain to their spouse by being covert in their actions, completely inconsiderate and without any empathy whatsoever, has been removed. Just goes to show that the person who removed it can’t handle the honest truth about women who are psychopathic and hide behind the excuse that they just had to leave. Whether it is a woman who blind sides her husband with a divorce or a man who blind sides his wife with the same, it is sick, dysfunctional, uncaring, egocentric and once again, PSYCHOPATHIC behavior. No one deserves to be blindsided with a divorce. There’s an old saying, what goes around comes around. Do unto others as you would want to be done unto you.
When/if posts are removed its because there was language in the post that the site (owners) felt was inappropriate. They reserve that right. Althought its important to be able to express how you feel and your exasperation about what you are going through, discretion and language has to be monitored. Divorce is a very difficult process. Being blindsided makes it that much worse.
I’d have to see the original post. I don’t use crass language, but as I recall the tone was angry and to the point. Nothing against women. Everything against both men and women who just lack the charcter to be honest and empathic about the other person, whom they are leaving. Afterall, didn’t the one who is doing the leaving, hopefully, at one time loved the other ? And simply out of respect for the love. The one had for the other warrant respect to the one being left behind and to the one doing the leaving ?
I believe when we show disrespect for another person, it reflects that we have disrespect for ourselves, so, therefore shouldn’t we have the highest respect for our selves ? I certainly meant no offense to anyone reading my post on the site. You have my apology. It’s just that the blogger seemed to be blaming the man when he is bindsided so I was reacting to that. Just one other point. There are those times when a woman is in an abusive relationship, which can also be dangerous to her physical safety, and she just needs to leave without saying a word. I agree with that totally. Her life is far more valuable than proper ediquett. Besides. Any man that abuses a woman is not a man and deserves to be left in any manner the woman chooses. He’s got it comming, is mentally and emotionally sick, and needs help for himself and so that he doesn’t destroy another woman’s life and emotional well being. Remember Nicole Simpson case ? So sad…. what a beautiful human being … O.J. is a ick Psychopath…. I’m glad he’s doing time. Men have to rally against domestic violence against women and put pressure on cowardly men who engage in it.
Jim, I have to disagree on the respect issue. To meet disrespctful behavior with disrespect, in my opinion shows a lack of self-respect. My ex left me with no notice, no discussion of being unhappy, out of the blue he was gone. I won’t allow what he did to me cause me to become someone like him. His actions toward me were as disrespectful as one human can be toward another. To show him disrespect only shows him that I’m angry and care and I have too much self-respect to every allow a piece of crap like that to think I give a damn what he does. I hold my head high, knod and smile when I see him and send him on his way knowing that I’m better than him in every way.
I want saying disrespect should be met with disrespect because when we do we are treating ourselves with disrespect regardless of what the other person has done to us. Why put ourselves on their level ? However, with that being said, if a person is being abused, man or woman, and they don’t feel safe, they should forego any formality and just leave. But, if they are not in an abusive situation and are narssisstic and unhappy because of just being self centered, and want everything their own way, and failing to get everything their own way, they decide to leave the other person in a blindsided manner, then there is no justification for the blind siding. It’s cruel, it’s unfair, it’s dishonest. I’m sorry you were blindsided by your former husband. You didn’t don’t deserve it. People who do this sort of thing, inevitably have the same experience. That’s simply how life is.
My apology to the site if my language was inappropriate. The heat of the moment got the best of me.
I never respond to nagging and always ignore it. I am not going to change my behavior. I’ve stopped investing emotionally. But it isn’t working. How can I get her to pull the trigger?
I think these three things are really just what people say when they found someone else. Now they to re-write history to justify their abhorent and perfidious behavior.
My kids were told by their aunt and uncle that their mother was moving 4 hours away and never coming back to the place where they grew up. Their mother left 3 hours later. The kids, who are old enough to drive, have seen their mother twice in 18 months. She won’t visit them, and will call only on their birthdays.
We were in marriage counseling – it took me over 2 years for her to consent to go there. There had been no conversation about divorce before she handed me the divorce filing when we were downtown and immediately left for home, where she packed up and moved in with her mother, brother and sister.
The whole process was a surprise, regardles sof whether there were any hints (I guess there is certainly a hint – form me – when I asked for marriage counseling, and she refused to go).
Please don’t do this to your husband or to your kids. Have a mature discussion with your husband and then present a united front to your kids, unless you fear for your life.
Hi Oscar. That’s terrible. I am really sorry for all of that. Fortunately, your children have a stand up father who will be the one that guides them and gives them a good and healthy perspective on life. I hope it all works out. Dr D
A blindside divorce – a true blindside when the papers are handed over with no prior discussion, the kids are told by their mother’s brother and sister that she is moving four hours away and will never come back – is cowardly and cruel.
This is what I went through, and my workload doubled. Unfortunately, the law allows a marriage to end at any time without any warning, and the kids be damned if that’s what one parent chooses.
I’ve tried keeping the kids sane, and keep all the plates going at once. Don’t do this if you have a conscience, and certainly don’t do this to your kids.
At least she’s no longer punishing me by telling me that our deceased daughter was my least favorite child, and arguing with me about how poorly I treated her while she was alive. I was obviously a terrible father to her, although surprisingly, not one that was so terrible that our surviving kids could be left behind to care for.
Hi Arthur. Wow. Very sorry to hear about the death of your child and all that you have gone through. No doubt, a very difficult time for you. Despite your adversity, your children are lucky to have you.
My wife told me she wanted a divorce the Friday night before she started her first full time job. She was to start working in the same building as me on a different floor and we talked about car pooling and had a new daycare picked out that would work with us.
We had a fight the evening prior, nothing crazy, but it was the trigger. She had complained about me a lot to others, mostly depressed. Well it was a shock. We started to reconcile after two months of working together, then she met a new guy at work. She finalized with me but he only wanted to sleep with her. Needless to say it was sudden. I worked there for 11 years prior, she left 11 months after starting.
Found out she had a mood disorder and an autoimmune condition. Explained a lot of her depression and mood swings. She hated life, not just me. I ultimately got pinned for her problems. Now she lives with a guy who never moved out od his parents house. I remarried and life is so much smoother. I hate being divorced and only seeing my kids half time, but they have less stress than when they were younger.
She got treatment and is better struggles with weight, but that is a sideeffect of her medication.
My experience didnt line up with this article, but mental health issues chamge things in unpredictable ways.
Hi Brandon. Thanks for the comment. I appreciate your openness. Yes, mental health issues affects marriages and divorce in profound ways. No doubt it was a confusing time but on the flip side, things appeared to have worked out for you – even if it took a bit of time to get to the end of your tunnel. The positive effects on your children (less stress) are an off shoot to that as well as your smoother life. All the best, Kristin
Lately I’ve been pondering whether if, after brushing aside the superficial layer of obnoxious misogyny, what’s underneath the mgtow movement has any merit. I guess considering all the horror stories from men I read online, I got off very easy with my divorce. No proverbial “taking to the cleaners”. No kids, either. Yet it still hurts and I still feel blindsided. The general atmosphere seems to be that if the man cheats or divorces the woman, he’s a scoundrel(and rightly so, if for the cheating). “Man up and take responsibility!” is the battle cry. Yet if the woman cheats or divorces, it’s often “Well she tried and she tried but she needed to have her needs met.” so once again it falls back on the man. It used to be that divorce was for abuse or drunkenness or really bad behavior. But recently I read an article called “Why great husbands are being abandoned” and that now seems to be the trend. All across the internet it’s “he’s a great guy, but…” followed by “I was bored I was bored I was bored.” I’m not going to leap into the deep end and believe those crazier manosphere articles about AWALT or hypergamy, but sometimes I wonder if I should bother trying again.
My wife only asked for divorce after she was off her medication at the end of last year, which was the best year of our marriage. She had been diagnosed with PMDD six years ago. In November of 2015 she felt that she had a good handle on it and wanted us to have a better marriage. We have two kids, now 10 and six. I am a man that lives for his family. I work less hours to spend time with my wife and children. My wife and I are older than most of the parents of our children. I am 50 and she is 48. Last year we were more intimate than any time since we were dating. And on the Friday before her mental breakdown, we had probably our most intense and amazing experience. We were talking about it for hours after. Because of the kids the afternoons while they are still in school are our most accessible times. Weekends are out of it.
So on Friday we are in super love. On Sunday she gets out of control on her own and becomes violent right before sleep.Police were called and she was either going to a mental hospital or to stay with a friend. I said she should go with her friend. Unfortunately she called the one friend that spelled trouble. This friend is married to a lawyer (i’m also an attorney) and by Monday, while I’m in trial, she posts on facebook that she was divorcing me. And the couple organized and strategized with her on how to do that. Within one week she had filed and moved out. Two weeks before Christmas. My kids were devastated. I have not spoken to her since then. All texts and email.
She has written some reasons for ht divorce, but it always changes. She still lives with this couple, which is very strange. Their home is smaller than ours. She only has one room for all three of them when the kids go there. I’m in the marital home and am fighting the divorI have consulted with 9 doctors/psychologists and they all agree that her mental illness is deep and that this couple are not helping, especially since she is still not being treated. (she has had at least one other episode since, that I know of). So, this was sudden, and not planned or thought of since she sold her condo that Septemeber (the home was mine before we got married) and we spent 80% of the money before December on other things. And there’s no infidelity before. we were best friends. We were very close. Her sister heard my wife talking on the phone and asked who she was talking to because it sounded like a friend. My wife answered, it was Jorge, he’s my best friend. (her sister’s first visit to our home in years).
All her friends were shocked and her family. She never has spoken about what happened, nor gone to counseling with the children who saw her violence. I’ve been doing that. I still love my wife, but realize that I have little chance, but will fight until she gets treatment. I may be able to get full responsiblility if she doesn’t, as well as move out of that house.
So it does happen.
I’m so sorry! Did she slowly wean off her medication or, did she stop cold turkey? She definitely has an undiagnosed mental health issue and if that is the case she isn’t going to seek treatment until she completely falls apart and has to be admitted against her will. I hope for her sake, and the sake of you and your children that, that happens sooner rather than later and she is with people who will make sure she gets the treatment she needs. Have you considered having your attorney request a psych evaluation via the courts?
It’s pathetic that the blame is being put on the man. We all know women expect men to be mind readers. We all know that if you are unhappy, nothing the man can do will make the wife a happy person. People have completely unrealistic expectations of marriage now, where you are supposed to be happy all the time.
Even though I believe in the institution of marriage, until the attitudes of women change (this article is a prime example), and the divorce courts treat men more fairly, I would recommend men not get married.
Well, Micheal, we can clearly see that you learned NOTHING about yourself from your divorce.
After 23 years of our marriage my wife took suddenly divorced. Now it is almost two months. I am completely broken and often think of suicide. I never hurt her in such a manner that she leave me. I am very upset. Need your advice plz. Hameed
Munawar, do not kill yourself. Find people you can talk to about your sorrow, and remove as many means of suicide as you can from your home. Find a Friend who will accept calls in the middle of the night or a suicide hotline. A couple years from now, you will be able to breathe and see a future. My parents divorced after 24 years. Each blamed the other, saying they just went along with the divorce because the other wanted it. But they had never been happy. We four kids knew that, even though they did not fight overtly, neither was a drunk or an addict or cheated, there was no violence, and they smiled in public. But they did not love each other,my mother had never loved my father, she had been pushed into it by friends and family. He had given up on her. A few years after, they were both happier – her alone, exactly as she wanted to be, and him starting a new family with a woman who loved him. Do not kill yourself. Wait. It will get better.