Divorce shakes one’s foundation, so doing some rebuilding of one’s life afterwards is a must. What seemed important when married may be viewed as trivial now. Let divorce be the catalyst to shift priorities in order to have a more rewarding life. One can feel like they are drifting along and every day is the same.
How do you get your groove back after divorce?
The secret is to discover what is meaningful to you and gives you a sense of purpose in this world.
“The sole meaning of life is to serve humanity.” – Leo Tolstoy
Volunteering is a great way to connect with others while getting so much more back. Volunteering counteracts misconceptions of feeling worthless, powerless or weak which can be by-products of a toxic marriage.
Seeing tangible results of how you make a difference in the world is what gives meaning to your existence. I volunteer weekly for a cat rescue organization and the kitties’ purrs and affection just makes my day. Other divorced friends help out at soup kitchens, delivering meals to homebound elderly, or use professional skills such as accounting. This is what ignites the spark in our lives.
Think about what your interests are and find a position in one of those areas. In the public schools – we have executives who tutor youngsters over their lunch hours. The staff tells them that this is their most important job and these high powered individuals readily agree.
“Our prime purpose in this life is to help others.” – The Dalai Lama
Reaching out and strengthening connections increases life satisfaction. There are all kinds of studies which show that having bonds to people increases longevity and contributes to better health. Rekindle old friendships which may have slipped away when married or spend more time with family and be an involved aunt. Childhood is fleeting and your children grow up quickly. Give them undivided attention with your devices switched off and really listen. Plan fun outings and special pizza nights at home. I expanded my social network and feel more content. I am closer to my college pals post-divorce and this creates more pleasure in my life.
Discover what kick starts your passion and go for it. For us, it is going on global journeys. We live frugally and diligently save cash to reach our goal, which is a good life lesson in itself. My sons and I become closer without the distractions of being at home. It is possible to travel to far flung places on a limited budget. For others, it is dusting off an instrument, painting, hiking, treks in exotic places and so forth.
Engaging in your passions is what quality of life is all about; this includes following your dreams.
Experiences give richness to our lives much more than another handbag or the latest gadget. It is the memories of visiting your grandparents’ farm or summer trips to an amusement park that are meaningful, not some item which was broken eons ago. Instead of buying things for the quick fix of feeling better, consider which experiences will give long lasting joy.
Post-divorce is an ideal time to start making new family traditions which are built upon shared experiences. Instead of spending a lot of money on holidays, my sons and I go to movies and have simple, but delicious meals. We take the time to visit coffee houses to catch up with each other. Spending time rather than money is another way to have a more meaningful life.
If, after a period, you are feeling like you still cannot find what your life purpose is, think about seeing a life coach to help you find direction.